Is your phone replacing your social life? Signs you might be overdoing it

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Key points

• While phones help us stay connected to friends and family, using them too much can prevent us from forming new connections and friendships. 
• Those with social anxiety, depression, and shyness might find that their phones are a barrier to experiencing campus life.
• Learning to identify when phone use is detrimental can help you engage with others on campus.

Smartphones are as much a part of our lives as toothbrushes and textbooks. To get a sense of what this means for campus life, look around. We have our eyes and thumbs on our phones—in class, on the bus, even when hanging with friends. We’re texting, posting, scrolling, and liking. The question is, can having our phones on us 24/7 help create and foster real-life connections? Or does it isolate us?

When phones get in our way

“Attending college can be a challenging time, especially for shy first-years,” says Dr. Fjola Helgadottir, a registered psychologist specializing in anxiety disorders and co-founder of AI-Therapy, an online treatment program for overcoming social anxiety, in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. “They are exposed to many new social situations and are expected to meet new people and develop new friendships,” often within the first month, she says. If you’re living in the digital world instead of on campus, you could miss that key period of social opportunity.

In a recent CampusWell survey of over 1,500 students, almost half of respondents said their phone is useful but can limit or distract them from their in-person experiences. 

“During my first year at college, I found my phone to be a major distraction during orientation and events,” says Alex B., a third-year student at the University of Buffalo in New York. “I was too busy trying to document what was happening on social media and keeping up with what others were doing that I wasn’t able to fully enjoy being in the present.” 

Who’s most at risk?

Phones are a particular trap for shy or socially anxious students. “Some students use their phone as a way to cope with social situations,” says Dr. Helgadottir. “For example, by using a phone, you may be trying to project the image ‘I’m not shy, I’m just busy.’” But being engrossed in our phone tells those around us that we’re not up for conversation, and that the person, game, or app on the other side of our screen takes priority. 

“As a result of being on your phone in social situations, you miss out on an opportunity to confront your fear, which is the best way to improve,” Dr. Helgadottir says. “Also, when you are on your phone, it may end up irritating other people, and this can cause them to judge you negatively—which is what you were trying to avoid in the first place!” 

Too anxious to switch off

The constant need to feel connected has become an anxiety symptom in its own right—and the last thing we need is another reason to feel anxious. According to a 2023 poll by Reviews.org, Gen Z is the generation most likely to feel anxious without their phone and are also the ones most likely to put themselves in danger to avoid the loss or damage of their phone.

Nomophobia, the fear of being without your phone, is higher in young adults, those who talk on their phone a lot, and those who have owned a smartphone for a significant amount of time, according to a 2021 review study published in Addiction & Health. The greatest anxieties for those who experience nomophobia are the lack of communication, inaccessibility of information, and fear of losing connection.  

Too tired to switch on—socially

Constant phone use can mess with our real-life relationships indirectly as well—by making us too tired to socialize. 

“Phones have a pretty clear and harmful effect on sleep,” says Christopher M. Barnes, a professor of organizational behavior at the University of Washington’s Foster School of Business in Seattle. Late-night phone use is especially disruptive. “Research indicates that sleep is a driver of mood and helping behavior, which are important components needed to engage in a healthy and involved campus life.” 

Signs you might be overdoing it

• You spend more time playing games on your phone than you do engaging with others.
• You turn to your phone when feeling shy or anxious.
• You use your phone in bed.
• You text someone when they’re in the same building…or right beside you.
• You take your phone with you to the bathroom. 
• You panic when parted from your phone.

Feel like you need to cut down on your phone use? Use these quick tips to reduce your screen time.

Ways to connect without your phone

• Sit with friends or classmates during lunch.
• Put your phone in your pocket or bag when you’re with company.
• Turn off or set your phone to Do Not Disturb when you’re in class, at social events, and before bed.
• Plan phone-free activities with your friends, where everyone agrees not to use their phone for the entire outing.
• If you’re shy or anxious, research what helps with social anxiety and/or connect with a therapist.