illustration of woman holding herself surrounded by hearts and leaves | self compassion meditation
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Ever find yourself in an internal dialogue of mental insults, all directed at yourself? “You’re such an idiot—why did you say that?” Or, “You’ll never be good at X, you might as well give up now.” 

This is called having a harsh inner critic, and it’s quite common. In fact, psychologists theorize that self-criticism evolved as a form of self-defense. When we are threatened, we’re wired to attack the problem, but in this case, we see ourselves or our behavior as the problem. Intense self-criticism is also associated with anxiety and depression. 

Fortunately, we have an internal care system that can calm the inner critic. When we tap into the care system, feel-good hormones like oxytocin are released, and our stress response can settle down. Gentle, soothing touch is one way to activate this care system.

Soothing touch practice

Originally developed by self-compassion researcher Kristen Neff, PhD, and clinical psychologist Christopher Germer, the following practice is an invitation to explore what type of soothing touch is most comforting and supportive to you. Afterward, you can use it to support yourself whenever you are under stress or notice your inner critic emerging.

To begin, find a private space where you can sit comfortably. Sitting upright helps you remain alert, but if you prefer to lie down, that works too. Closing your eyes can help you focus on the touch, or you can hold a soft gaze toward the floor if that’s more comfortable for you. 

As you listen to the guided meditation, you will be asked to bring to mind a stressful moment. Try to choose one that’s around a 5 or 6 on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the most stressful) so the experience is relaxing rather than triggering or traumatic. 

One final note before you listen: If physical touch brings up painful moments or trauma for you, try touching an object, like a soft blanket or stuffed animal, instead of a body part.

GET HELP OR FIND OUT MORE

Mindfulness resources: Mindful

Information and support dedicated to self-compassion: Center for Mindful Self-Compassion

Mindfulness programs for young adults: Inward Bound Mindfulness Education

Mental health apps: CampusWell



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Have you seen at least one thing on that you will apply to everyday life?
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Article sources

Germer, C., and Neff, K. (2019). Teaching the mindful self-compassion program. Guilford Press.

Germer, C., and Neff, K. (2018). The mindful self-compassion workbook. Guilford Press. 

LeDoux, J. E. (2003). Synaptic self: How our brains become who we are. Penguin. 

Markway, B. (2018, January 27). The secret agenda of the self-critic: Understanding the underlying source of self-criticism can set us free. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shyness-is-nice/201801/the-secret-agenda-the-self-critic

Neff, K. (2012, July 2). The physiology of self-compassion: Our bodies know how to feel care. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-power-self-compassion/201207/the-physiology-self-compassion

Schroeder, M. (2016, March 17). Self-criticism can be psychologically devastating: How to overcome it. US News & World Report. https://health.usnews.com/wellness/articles/2016-03-17/self-criticism-can-be-psychologically-devastating-how-to-overcome-it

Solomon, J., & George. C. (1996). Defining the caregiving system: Toward a theory of caregiving. Infant Mental Health Journal, 17(3), 183–197. http://dx.doi.org/10.1002/(SICI)1097-0355(199623)17:3%3C183::AID-IMHJ1%3E3.0.CO;2-Q

Stellar, J. E., & Keltner, D. (2014). Compassion. In M. Tugade, L. Shiota, & L. Kurby (Eds.), Handbook of positive emotions (pp. 329–341). Guilford Press.

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