“The name calling has to stop”

“I’ve had gay friends tell me that they didn’t want God because they felt God didn’t want them. It is heartbreaking and absolutely unacceptable that we live in a society that has made people feel this way.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, Arkansas

“People use derogatory terms, such as f** and twink. It’s ridiculous that ‘gay’ is used as an insult. People need to realize the implications. I’ve seen people misgendering trans people. If someone wants to be labeled a specific gender, I don’t understand why it’s hard to understand that.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, Maryland

“Having a friend [talk about] how someone being called a ‘faggot’ is not offensive is extremely frustrating. Name calling and treating people as ‘less’ than a cis/heterosexual person needs to stop.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, New Brunswick

“I was talking with a woman who identifies as queer, and she began to cry and speak about how the word [faggot] affects her.”
—Fifth-year undergraduate, California

 “I feel sexual pressure because of their misconceptions”

“After I first came out, I felt pressure from my early partners to fit some kind of stereotype that every gay man should enjoy rough sex, frequently. Intimacy was less of a focus, which made me uncomfortable. Sexual violence was common because many people lost sight of the line between what was acceptable and was going too far, while victims were discouraged [from speaking] up. I found myself in a few shady situations and was judged as not being sexually free or forward-thinking if I was not willing to participate.”
—Second-year undergraduate, Alberta

“I know many people on the asexual spectrum who accepted sex they were not comfortable with because they thought they were supposed to want it.”
—Second-year graduate student, New York

“I hate going to gay bars and being ‘cruised’ by other men. Sometimes I’m just going to have fun and am not looking for a hookup.”
—First-year graduate student, New York

“I’ve had people tell me ‘bisexuals are just sluts.’”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, Alberta

 “It can be terrifying to ask for help”

“It can be exhausting to hear [stereotypical] comments about you over and over again. There are allies, but sometimes the haters will feel louder. It can be terrifying to ask for help when you don’t know if you’ll be bashed or supported.”
—Second-year undergraduate, Ontario

“It is hard to utilize needed services when you see no representation of you.”
—Fourth-year graduate student, New York

“I have a fraternity brother that was assaulted by a man that he was in a casual sexual relationship with. My brother avoided seeking help because the fraternity and many people in our social circle were not aware of his sexual preferences, [which] differed from rigid heterosexuality. I want him and everyone to know that there will always be true friends and family that will support you.”
—Third-year graduate student, District of Columbia

“Oftentimes, [reports of assault] seem to fall on deaf ears, or unsympathetic ears. The ideal situation for help would be to have trained members of their community available.”
—Second-year graduate student, California

 “I want to come out as trans, but I’m afraid”

“Very few people know about my identity and orientation. Sometimes I feel maybe people would respect me if I came out, but [then] I’ll hear some prejudiced remark and be knocked right back down again. Even today, I heard three separate people make a transphobic remark. I want to come out. I want to be able to live life how I want to, but I’m afraid of what might happen if I do.”
—First-year undergraduate, Wyoming

“I have a friend who is not gay and is attracted to females, but he also wishes that he was a female. He knows that to live life and be happy, he should not hide who he truly is. He wears female clothing. There are many awkward and shameful stares, but he remains strong and courageous. Why should he hide? I stand by my friend, accepting and encouraging his identity.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, Ontario

“The LGB community isn’t always there for us”

“I think the trans community has a very hard time finding help or shelter. In the eyes of the straight community, they are ‘unnatural,’ they are ‘freaks’ and ‘liars.’ To some of the gay community, [trans people] are not ‘truly’ gay, since some female-to-male or male-to-female trans individuals transition ‘too well,’ or they are heterosexual after their changes.”
—Second-year undergraduate, Missouri

“It can be incredibly hard for LGBTQ members to reach out for help, because even doing that could out us and put us in a dangerous situation. And sometimes I feel like my identity isn’t even taken seriously within the LGBTQ community, which doesn’t leave me with a lot of options.”
—First-year undergraduate, Wyoming

 “It’s still not easy meeting new people”

“I am a girl who is dating a girl and I have felt judged and picked on multiple times because of it. As much as people say it is becoming more acceptable, it is still not easy meeting new people and having them find out.”
—Second-year graduate student, Alberta

“Many of closest friends are gay, ace, genderqueer, and so on. I go to a small Christian school that is pretty accepting, and still, they tell me about the things people do or say toward them, even well-meaning things, that are just ignorant and hurtful. My friend has to be extremely careful about who he opens up to, because he never knows how who’s going to be accepting and who’s going to be hostile.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, Arkansas

“When I [learned about] asexuality, I was so happy to know I wasn’t alone, but telling people still rewards me with weird looks and disbelief.”
—Third-year undergraduate, New York

“Abuse always involves a double standard”

“In high school, people always tended to make fun of this guy who acted very ‘girly.’ It took a great toll on him and finally one day he had enough and came out and told everyone that he was gay and they had to deal with it. I know that the kids who abused him would not have been able to handle what they did to him if [their] positions were ever reversed.”
—Third-year undergraduate, British Columbia

“I am a homosexual male, but fortunately have never been the target of harassment or abuse. I think the situation could have been much different if I were not male-identified and didn’t have a masculine personality. I understand how important it is for all types of homosexual and/or gay men to be accepted, and not be the target of negative actions based on their gender identity or masculine and feminine traits.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, British Columbia

“My campus community gets me”

“I am gay and I just came out to my friends on campus this school year. I’ve been called names here and there, but the overwhelming support has been amazing. College has changed my life for the better and I couldn’t be more grateful for my school. As they say in the musical Kinky Boots: ‘Just be who you want to be, never let them tell you who you ought to be.’”
—Second-year undergraduate, West Virginia

“I’m a lesbian and I actually feel safe on my campus; times are changing. I do not feel discriminated against.”
—Second-year undergraduate, New Brunswick

“At my college we are a very open community…It is when I interact with older people out in the real world that I sometimes have problems.”
—Second-year graduate student, Missouri

“Two female students holding hands got harassed by a passing vehicle for being gay. It was awful to watch but they stood strong and kept holding hands. Their reaction was inspiring.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, Ontario

Anxiety strategy: Counseling

“I was deeply affected by anxiety my whole junior year. It took many deep talks with my best friend to finally seek help. I wish I had sought help sooner, for my counselor helped me clarify the root of my thoughts and gave me non-pharmacological ways to manage my anxiety.”
—Undergraduate, Marquette University, Wisconsin

“I am medically diagnosed with a panic disorder, and I was struggling with balancing my workload. I was unable to get out of bed for fear of failure. I sought assistance from behavioral health services on campus. Talking to someone who specializes in working with students helped me work out new strategies for managing stress, and I was able to attend seminars on studying effectively.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, University of Maryland Baltimore County

“I have anxiety and panic disorder. Through working with my therapist to build skills and change patterns and learned behaviors, I have been able to come off of medication. I still struggle from time to time, but as long as I keep obsessive thoughts under control I do really well.”
—Second-year student, Anne Arundel Community College, Maryland

“My counsellor has helped my change the way I relate to anxiety. Anxiety was not bringing down my grades, but it was destroying my quality of life. I realized this was unsustainable and have been able to adjust my work load and my stress this year.”
—Second-year graduate student, University of Victoria, British Columbia

“I could not focus on the actual class or anyone around me. It felt as if I were in a dream. To fix this, my counselor taught me to count off three senses that I am experiencing in that moment (sight, touch, hearing, etc.). This forced me to feel what is around me and get out of my head. I also focused on breathing exercises so I could calm myself down.”
—First-year undergraduate, University of Maryland Baltimore County

“It took many deep talks with my best friend to finally seek help. I wish I had sought help sooner, for my counselor helped me clarify the root of my thoughts and gave me non-pharmacological ways to manage my anxiety.”
—Undergraduate, Marquette University, Wisconsin

Signs of anxiety: Academic struggle

“Due to my social anxiety disorder, I frequently find myself unable to talk to professors, whether it is to ask a question in class or meet in their office, even if it is to the detriment of my understanding of the material and my grade.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, Memorial University of Newfoundland, Newfoundland and Labrador

“I worry about writing papers, that I won’t do a good job or I won’t quote correctly so I might be called out for plagiarism. This has never happened, but I have been so affected by these thoughts & feelings that I haven’t done papers & I have gotten lower grades.”
—Third-year undergraduate, College of Southern Idaho

“At one point my social anxiety became so debilitating that I stopped going to all four of my classes, which tanked my GPA and impacted my eligibility for financial aid. I attended therapy and [became] able to graduate and transfer.”
—Third-year undergraduate, University of Maryland Baltimore County

Anxiety strategy: Consider removing the source

“I was overwhelmed with school work and keeping a full-time job. I stopped doing school work for about a week or two. It was really difficult to catch up on everything. Got a D in one class. I quit that job, choosing to have less money and focus on school. Ended up being a good thing.”
—Third-year undergraduate, University of Maryland Baltimore County

“My first face-to-face class in college—News Writing and Gathering—I was in over my head. I was paralyzed and they expected me to sprint. I realized journalism wasn’t for me and I needed to go for what truly sets me at ease: music. I finally got the bright blinking neon sign that told me to stop the direction I was headed in and go for what I know is me.”
—Second-year undergraduate, Del Mar College, Texas

Signs of anxiety: Social isolation

“Anxiety makes it difficult for me to go to club meetings where I have to interact with a group. This negatively affected my ability to make friends and be a positive/reliable part of a team. This semester I’m going to communicate my availability better and be more honest about my problems being social.”
—Second-year undergraduate, University of Maryland Baltimore County

“This is my first semester in college, at a new place by myself. My social anxiety is crippling when it comes to trying to get out there and meet new people. I even find myself getting physically ill when anticipating such situations. I went to the Welcome Week events but was still unable to approach people. It does make me very sad and depressed at times thinking about how alone I am here, but I am still trying to go to events and join interesting clubs.”
—First-year undergraduate, University of Maryland Baltimore County

Anxiety strategy: Find ways to take care of yourself

“There have been times when I have felt like I have to work nonstop and don’t take any breaks. This can make me feel like everything is closing in on me and I shut everyone out. I force myself to take breaks now, no matter the importance of what I’m working on.”
—Second-year graduate student, University of Maryland Baltimore County

“I worked through it with a positive mindset and trying to better my time-management skills.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, SUNY Empire State College, New York

“Going into my first exam in Statistics, my mind when blank and I couldn’t figure out the first problem. I was getting very worked up. [Finally] I told myself to calm down and move on. I was able to do the next problem easily, and when I went back to the first problem I immediately saw the way to solve it.”
—Second-year undergraduate, University of North Dakota

“I suffered from fairly severe anxiety. I coped by drinking, and sometimes acted out irrationally as well. I have since cut my alcohol consumption to, at most, two to three drinks per month. I work out five days a week. I have a network of friends who are helping me socially.”
—Student, John Tyler Community College, Virginia

In a recent survey by SH101, students identified their most effective anxiety management strategies:

• Support from friends or family
• Regular physical activity
• Getting more or better quality sleep
• Listening to music and reading
• Professional counseling
• Actively maintaining a work-life balance
• Being in nature
• Mindfulness, meditation, or mindful yoga
• Taking breaks from routine

Source: CampusWell survey, September 2016.

Signs of anxiety: loss of perspective

“My first semester at community college I was placed in a math class that gave me terrible anxiety. I must have been visibly shaken because my instructor and classmates asked me if I was OK. I cried hysterically and seemed to think that I couldn’t get through the class and would never get through college. No one could calm me down or diminish my unrealistic fears.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, University of Maryland Baltimore County

“I end up blowing things out of proportion. For instance, if I stutter in conversation, I wonder if the other person will judge me for that, and eventually stress myself out with the logic that such an event will shape my life for the worse.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, Memorial University of Newfoundland, Newfoundland and Labrador

“Last fall there was a lot of recruiting going on for internships, and I didn’t feel like I was ready for it. I got a couple of interviews but didn’t get an internship, and I spent the entire semester worrying about how I wasn’t going to get hired after graduation. My grades were terrible that semester because I felt like a failure.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, University of Nebraska-Lincoln

Signs of anxiety: turning to alcohol or drugs

“Second year of school, stress of final projects and exams piling up, I started taking ‘study drugs’ which in turn made my anxiety worse and had bad physical effects. After that semester I realized that study drugs are not the way, and more effort/ organization in school is what it takes.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, University of Victoria, British Columbia

“I dropped classes, stop focusing, and even stopped going out. I took up marijuana as I thought it would calm me, but became somewhat dependent and that further affected my performance. I took it upon myself to visit the university counseling center to seek professional help to talk out my problems. After a few weeks, I felt better and my anxiety withered away.”
—Third-year undergraduate, Memorial University of Newfoundland, Newfoundland and Labrador