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01 MayStudent Advocate

How to empower students to intervene when someone they know is experiencing intimate partner violence

by Chamonix Adams Porter0 Comments
Reading Time: 6 minutes

When young people experience intimate partner violence (IPV), they’re most likely to disclose it to their friends. Therefore, it’s critical that we give students the tools to support a friend who may be experiencing IPV. These four strategies can help.

1. Focus on strategies for intervening

Focus on ways students can help each other. Overemphasizing the warning signs of abuse risks sending the message to students that they must determine definitively whether they’re witnessing an abusive interaction as a prerequisite to helping. That said, it’s important that students have some familiarity with the signs of relationship abuse.

2. Train students to intervene early, subtly, and frequently

We want students to intervene when they witness obvious abuse and violence—but we don’t want them to hold off until they see that. We also want them to intervene much sooner and in much less severe situations: when they witness or experience casual disrespect, sexual pressure, or disregard for personal boundaries. Here’s why this works:

  • Intervening subtly and frequently feels more doable than larger, one-time interventions. It’s what students already do as good friends: checking in, listening, showing support.
  • Students are more likely to witness disrespectful behavior, like a belittling comment or low-level pressure, than they are to witness unmistakable abuse, like a sexual assault or physical battery.

3. Keep your examples diverse

Relationship abuse is difficult to address in part because of common misunderstandings about why and how abuse happens, and who it happens to. In workshops and other educational messaging, use stories featuring people of diverse genders, sexualities, races, and socioeconomic classes. If you use gender-neutral examples, be alert to whether students are “filling in” the missing information according to gender stereotypes.

4. Be prepared for students to disclose to you

When students disclose assault and abuse, it’s typically to friends. That said, students, or friends of students, experiencing intimate partner violence may turn to a faculty member, administrator, or trusted mentor for help accessing resources. The strategies in our article provide guidance for that conversation. In addition, familiarize yourself with the intimate partner violence resources on your campus and in your local community. Students aren’t always comfortable using campus-based resources, so it helps to have backups. Know your reporting obligations under Title IX to ensure that you and your students are aware of the limits of confidentiality.

Read the article to learn more.

Get help or find out more

Trained advocates 24/7: National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Help for deaf callers: National Domestic Violence Hotline
Video phone 1-855-812-1001
TTY 1-800-787-3224

Multiple organizations and resources: WNYC

Chat, call, or text for help: Love Is Respect

Learn about dating violence: Break the Cycle

Help a friend: Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness

Resources for LGBTQ people experiencing IPV: The Anti-Violence Project

Advocate against campus assault and harassment: Know Your IX

[survey_plugin] Article sources

Hana Awwad and Evan Walker-Wells contributed to this article.

Melanie Boyd, PhD, assistant dean of student affairs, Yale University, Connecticut.

Casey Corcoran, MAT, program director, Futures Without Violence, California.

Dana Cuomo, PhD, coordinator of victim advocacy services, University of Washington.

Rachel Pain, PhD, professor, Department of Geography; co-director, Centre for Social Justice and Community Action; Durham University, UK.

Anderson, D. K., & Saunders, D. G. (2003). Leaving an abusive partner: An empirical review of predictors, the process of leaving, and psychological well-being. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 4(2), 163–191.

Barnett, O. W. (2000). Why battered women do not leave, part 1: External inhibiting factors within society. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 1(4), 343–372.

Barnett, O. W. (2001). Why battered women do not leave, part 2: External inhibiting factors—social support and internal inhibiting factors. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 2(1), 3–35.

Barrett, B. J., & St. Pierre, M. (2011). Variations in women’s help seeking in response to intimate partner violence: Findings from a Canadian population-based study. Violence Against Women, 17(1), 47–70.

Barter, C., McCarry, M., Berridge, D., & Evans, K. (2009, October). Partner exploitation and violence in teenage intimate relationships. NSPCC. Retrieved from https://www.nspcc.org.uk/globalassets/documents/research-reports/partner-exploitation-violence-teenage-intimate-relationships-report.pdf

Bell, K. M., & Naugle, A. E. (2005). Understanding stay/leave decisions in violent relationships: A behavior analytic approach. Behavior and Social Issues, 14, 21–45.

Bennice, J. A., & Resick, P. A. (2003). Marital rape: History, research, and practice. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 4(3), 228–246.

Beres, M. A. (2014). Rethinking the concept of consent for anti-sexual violence activism and education. Feminism and Psychology, 24(3), 373–389.

Beres, M. A. (2010). Sexual miscommunication? Untangling assumptions about sexual communication between casual sex partners. Culture, Health & Sexuality, 12(1), 1–14.

Bergen, R. K. (1996). Wife rape: Understanding the response of survivors and service provider. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.

Brieding, M. J., Smith, S. G., Basile, K. C., Walters, M, L., et al. (2014, September 5). Prevalence and characteristics of sexual violence, stalking, and intimate partner violence—National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, United States, 2011. Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, 63(SS08), 1–8. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/ss6308a1.htm?s_cid=ss6308a1_e

Burke, J. G., Gielen, A. C., McDonnell, K. A., O’Campo, P., et al. (2001). The process of ending abuse in intimate relationships: A qualitative exploration of the Transtheoretical Model. Violence Against Women, 7(10), 1144–1163.

Carmody, M., & Ovenden, G. (2013). Putting ethical sex into practice: Sexual negotiation, gender, and citizenship in the lives of young women and men. Journal of Youth Studies, 16(6), 792–807.

Casey, E. A., Querna, K., Masters, N. T., Beadnell, B., et al. (2016). Patterns of intimate partner violence and sexual risk behavior among young heterosexually active men. Journal of Sex Research, 53(2), 239–250.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2003). Costs of intimate partner violence against women in the United States. CDC, National Centers for Injury Prevention and Control: Atlanta, GA. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/ipvbook-a.pdf

Clark, S., & Hamby, S. (2011). Challenges and resources of survivors of domestic violence. [Presentation]. Retrieved from https://dspace.sewanee.edu/handle/11005/266

Crockett, E. (2017, January 10). Many mass shooters have a history of domestic violence. It’s time to pay attention. Vox. Retrieved from https://www.vox.com/identities/2017/1/10/14213164/mass-shooters-gun-violence-domestic-violence

DeKeseredy, W., Rogness, M., & Schwartz, M. (2004). Separation/divorce sexual assault: The current state of social scientific knowledge. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 9, 675–691.

Edwards, K. M., Dardis, C. M., & Gidycz, C. A. (2012). Women’s disclosure of dating violence: A mixed methodological study. Feminism & Psychology, 22(4), 507–517.

Enander, V. (2011). Leaving Jekyll and Hyde: Emotion work in the context of intimate partner violence. Feminism & Psychology, 21(1), 29–48.

Goldenberg, T., Stephenson, R., Freeland, R., Finneran, C., et al. (2016). “Struggling to be the alpha”: Sources of tension and intimate partner violence in same-sex relationships between men. Culture, Health & Sexuality, 18(8), 875–889.

Humphreys, C., & Joseph, S. (2004). Domestic violence and the politics of trauma. Women’s Studies International Forum, 27, 559–570.

Kelly, T., & Stermac, L. (2012). Intimate partner sexual assault against women: Examining the impact and recommendations for clinical practice. Partner Abuse, 3(1), 107–122.

Lindgren, K. P., Parkhill, M. R., George, W. H., & Hendershot, C. S. (2008). Gender differences in perceptions of sexual intent: A qualitative review and integration. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 32(4), 423–439.

Mabry, D. (2015, September 16). Seeking an end to cycles of abuse. Radio Rookies. WNYC. Retrieved from https://www.wnyc.org/story/seeking-end-cycles-abuse/

Mahlstedt, D., & Keeny, L. (1993). Female survivors of dating violence and their social networks. Feminism & Psychology, 3, 319–333.

McFarlane, J., & Malecha, A. (2005). Sexual assault among intimates: Frequency, consequences and treatments. Research report for US Department of Justice. Retrieved from https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/grants/211678.pdf

Miller, B., & Irvin, J. (2016). Invisible scars: Comparing the mental health of LGB and heterosexual intimate partner violence survivors. Journal of Homosexuality. doi.org/10.1080/00918369.2016.1242334

Montalvo-Liendo, N. (2009). Cross-cultural factors in disclosure of intimate partner violence: An integrated review. Journal of Advanced Nursing, 65(1), 20–34.

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. (2015). Facts about domestic violence and sexual abuse. Retrieved from https://www.ncadv.org/files/Domestic%20Violence%20and%20Sexual%20Abuse%20NCADV.pdf

National Domestic Violence Hotline. (n.d.). Love is respect. Retrieved from https://www.loveisrespect.org/

National Domestic Violence Hotline. (2014, May 29). What is gaslighting? Retrieved from https://www.thehotline.org/2014/05/what-is-gaslighting/

O’Byrne, R., Hansen, S., & Rapley, M. (2008). ‘‘If a girl doesn’t say ‘no’. . .’’: Young men, rape and claims of “insufficient knowledge.” Journal of Community & Applied Social Psychology, 18(3), 168–193.

O’Byrne, R., Rapley, M., & Hansen, S. (2006). “You couldn’t say ‘no,’ could you?”: Young men’s understandings of sexual refusal. Feminism & Psychology, 16(2), 133–154.

Orchowski, L. M., & Gidycz, C. A. (2015). Psychological consequences associated with positive and negative responses to disclosure of sexual assault among college women: A prospective study. Violence Against Women, 21(7), 803–823.

Rainy. (2015, September 16). Why do I stay? Radio Rookies. WNYC. Retrieved from https://www.wnyc.org/story/why-do-i-stay/

Rausch, M. A. (2016). Systemic acceptance of same-sex relationships and the impact on intimate partner violence among cisgender identified lesbian and queer individuals. Journal of Creativity in Mental Health, 11(3–4), 270–284.

Rennison, C. M. (2002). Rape and sexual assault: Reporting to police and medical attention, 1992–2000. Retrieved from https://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/rsarp00.pdf

Stith, S. M. (2006). Future directions in intimate partner violence prevention research. Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma, 13(3–4), 229–244.

Taylor, L. R., & Gaskin-Laniyan, N. (n.d.). Sexual assault in abusive relationships. NIJ Journal, 256. Retrieved from https://www.defendyourself.org/documents/jr000256d-sexualAssault.pdf

Tina. (2015, January 25). When you’re the abuser. Represent. Retrieved from https://www.youthcomm.org/story/id/FCYU-2015-01-24.html

Tina. (2015, September 16). Living both sides of abuse, and choosing neither. Radio Rookies. WNYC. Retrieved from https://www.wnyc.org/story/living-both-sides/

Tjaden, P., & Thoennes, N. (2000). Extent, nature, and consequences of intimate partner violence: Findings from the national violence against women survey. US Department of Justice. Retrieved from https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/181867.pdf

van Schalkwyk, S., Boonzaier, F., & Gobodo-Madikizela, P. (2014). “Selves” in contradiction: Power and powerlessness in South African shelter residents’ narratives of leaving abusive heterosexual relationships. Feminism & Psychology, 24(3), 314–331.

WNYC. (2015, September 16). Where to find help. Retrieved from https://www.wnyc.org/story/where-find-help/

Woodyatt, C. R., & Stephenson, R. (2016). Emotional intimate partner violence experienced by men in same-sex relationships. Culture, Health & Sexuality, 18(10), 1137–1149.

Yale Sexual Harassment and Assault Response & Education Center. (n.d.). Sexual Misconduct—Intimate Partner Violence. Retrieved from https://sharecenter.yale.edu/information-about-sexual-misconduct/forms-sexual-violence/intimate-partner-violence

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01 AprStudent Advocate

3 key ways to positively shape the campus social scene

by Chamonix Adams Porter0 Comments
Reading Time: 3 minutes

The issue

On many campuses, there’s little to no support available to students who host social events. This is a missed opportunity for staff to unobtrusively, positively shape the culture of their campus.

Why it matters

Student hosts are in a great position to help reduce the rates of sexual assault and heavy drinking. They can help normalize mindful and harm-reducing behaviors.

How to help students plan parties and strengthen your campus culture in the process

Lounging and playing a video game in common living area

1. Build your conversations around the appeal of throwing a great event.

Campus hosts are motivated by the same goals that you have: They want to host a gathering where their friends will have fun; where people feel comfortable, safe, and included; and where no one will throw up on their floor or end up in the hospital. Talk to students about what they want and how they can get there. Keep coming back to this goal. If students have a problematic suggestion for their event, ask them if they think it will get them the positive, fun atmosphere they’re after. Challenging students to think through their goals can be more effective than using scare tactics or blanket bans. Stanford’s Party Planning website is a great resource to show how schools can help regulate parties and help students make better choices.

2. Ask students what they’re struggling with and help them brainstorm a solution.

For example, many students report that managing the door is difficult at large events. How can they turn away a drunk person, especially if it’s a friend or acquaintance? What boundary-setting skills and de-escalation techniques would help? Experienced student hosts know what works in their context, so trust them as a source of potential solutions. Cayuga’s Watchers at Cornell University is a standout program that trains students in bystander intervention techniques and offers their services to help out with student social events.

3. Provide training and other targeted support.

The more conversations you have, the better your understanding of the trickier aspects of planning a student event will be. Consider putting together short workshops that provide student hosts with the skills they want and need (e.g., bartending and mixology, de-escalation training, and bystander intervention moves). Loop students into the workshop planning to ensure that the training is relevant and useful for them, and to secure buy-in from other student hosts.

[school_resource sh101resources=’no’ category=’mobileapp,drugandlcohol, healthservices, studentlife, wellnesspromotion, residentlife’] Get help or find out more

Tips for event guests: Harvard Drug and Alcohol Peer Advisors

Skills for safe alcohol consumption: TIPSÂŪ

What you can do to help: Who Are You? (Video)

Bystander tips and training: University of Arizona (Step UP! Program)

Ideas for hosts: Stanford University

Article sources

Tom Blake, professional bartender, bar manager, and creator of Crafty Bartending, a popular bartending website and resource.

Melanie Boyd, PhD, assistant dean in student affairs at Yale University; lecturer in women’s, gender, and sexuality studies.

Elizabeth Larsen, student affairs associate, Yale University, Connecticut.

Scott Lukas, PhD, substance use researcher and professor of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School.

Abbey, A. (2002). Alcohol-related sexual assault: A common problem among college students [Supplement]. Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs, 14, 118–128.

Abbey, A. (2011). Alcohol’s role in sexual violence perpetration: Theoretical explanations, existing evidence, and future directions. Drug and Alcohol Review, 30(5), 481–489.

Banyard, V. L., Plante, E. G., & Moynihan, M. M. (2004). Bystander education: Bringing a broader community perspective to sexual violence prevention. Journal of Community Psychology, 32(1), 61–79.

Bay-Cheng, L. Y., & Eliseo-Arras, R. K. (2008). The making of unwanted sex: Gendered and neoliberal norms in college women’s unwanted sexual experiences. Journal of Sex Research, 45(4), 386–397.

Benson, B. J., Gohm, C. L., & Gross, A. M. (2007). College women and sexual assault: The role of sex-related alcohol expectancies. Journal of Family Violence, 22, 341–351.

Carmody, M. (2005). Ethical erotics: Reconceptualizing anti-rape education. Sexualities, 8(4), 465–480.

Hingson, R. W., & Howland, J. (2002). Comprehensive community interventions to promote health: Implications for college-age drinking problems. Journal of Studies on Alcohol Supplement, 14, 226–240.

Lindgren, K. P., Pantalone, D. W., Lewis, M. A., & George, W. H. (2009). College students’ perceptions about alcohol and consensual sexual behavior: Alcohol leads to sex. Journal of Drug Education, 39(1), 1–21.

Mohler-Kuo, M., Dowdall, G. W., Koss, M. P., & Wechsler, H. (2004). Correlates of rape while intoxicated in a national sample of college women. Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs, 65(1), 37–45.

NIDA. (2016, December 13). Monitoring the Future Survey: High School and Youth Trends. Retrieved from https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugfacts/monitoring-future-survey-high-school-youth-trends on 2017, November 26

Schulenberg, J. E., Johnston, L. D., O’Malley, P. M., Bachman, J. G., et al. (2017). Monitoring the Future national survey results on drug use, 1975–2016: Volume II, College students and adults ages 19–55. Ann Arbor: Institute for Social Research, The University of Michigan. Available at https://monitoringthefuture.org/pubs.html#monographs

Sweeney, B. N. (2011). The allure of the freshman girl: Peers, partying, and the sexual assault of first-year college women. Journal of College & Character, 12(4).

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23 FebSexual assault and harassmentSexual culture

How you can change the sexual culture on your campus—and why that matters

by Chamonix Adams Porter0 Comments
Reading Time: 6 minutes

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We all want campuses without sexual violence, but it can be hard to know where to start. In-the-moment strategies like bystander intervention are powerful tools to make our communities safer, but how can we proactively build cultures in which everyone feels safe and respected?

Sexual violence doesn’t come out of nowhere: It emerges from everyday patterns of disrespect and pressure. In any culture that normalizes low-level disrespect, it’s harder to spot coercion and force. What’s low-level disrespect? It’s when your female classmate is objectified because of the length of her skirt. Or that time your roommate hooked up with someone he wasn’t really into because “that’s what guys are supposed to do.” It’s every time someone makes a rape joke—and every time someone laughs. It contributes to a culture of disrespect, and a culture of disrespect provides camouflage for violence. It functions as “the cultural scaffolding” of sexual assault, wrote Dr. Nicola Gavey, professor of psychology at the University of Auckland, in New Zealand, in her book Just Sex? The Cultural Scaffolding of Rape (Routledge, 2005).

In contrast, when we expect respect and mutuality, it’s much easier to spot behaviors that don’t fit that norm. By challenging casual disrespect when we see it—and setting up conversations so that disrespect doesn’t happen in the first place—we can build communities where everyone expects to be treated well.

This means that even small actions can have a big impact in building a safe, supportive campus culture. By ensuring that all of our conversations about romance, sex, and social life are respectful, we can help to dismantle “the cultural scaffolding” of assault. And that starts with you—your friends and your conversations. Here’s how to make sure those convos are building the community you want.

Ask better questions

Two girls walking and talking

Too often, our casual conversations set the expectation that everyone is doing the same things when it comes to romance and sex. If your crew gets together for brunch on Sunday, is everyone expected to share stories about hookups the night before? Conversations like this create “ambient pressure”: a feeling that you must act a certain way in order to fit in. Ambient pressure is a problem in its own right, and also makes interpersonal pressure easier by suggesting that people’s desires aren’t important.

If your friends regularly have conversations like this, you can help shift them in a more positive direction. Start by asking better questions.

Two-column, four-row chart displaying alternative options for discussing evening plans with friends. Left column includes four questions students might ask in casual conversations with friends labeled “instead of this.” Right column includes four different ways to ask those questions that make less assumptions labeled “try this.” Row 1: Instead of “Did you hook up?” Try “How was your night?” Row 2: Instead of “How far did you get?” Try “Did you enjoy hanging out with her?” Row 3: Instead of “Are you going out tonight?” Try “What are your plans later?” Row 4: Instead of “Is he hot?” Try “What do you like about him?”

These questions reduce ambient pressure by removing some of the assumptions about what people are doing and how they’re talking about it. Bonus points for making your conversations more interesting and less rom com.   

Tell different stories

Try sharing stories of times when things went well in unexpected or nontraditional ways, like when you met someone at a party and ended the night talking Shakespeare sonnets and downing pizza instead of hooking up. There are a number of dangerous myths about campus sexual culture, such as the false belief that everyone wants to be having more sex than they’re currently having, that no one wants to get into anything serious because everyone is looking for hookups, that “casual” sexual encounters can’t be intimate, and so on.

Sharing diverse experiences and stories is a powerful way of disrupting these myths and offering more positive alternatives. If you had a great Saturday night binge-watching House of Cards with your roommate, then say so!

Positive change involves people inspiring each other—and that starts with telling different stories. In a study, college students who reported drinking heavily received info on how much their peers were actually drinking, and spoiler alert, it was less than they thought. Six weeks later, the heavy drinkers were consuming less alcohol and drinking less often, according to The Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology (2000). This is an example of how social norms work: Expectations about how we should act actually affect how we do act. Once we realize that others are doing things differently, we adjust ourselves accordingly. This can work in your favor when it comes to convos about hookups: By demonstrating that there are many positive, respectful ways to be social, you can challenge social norms that give rise to pressure.

Figure out what matters to you—and live it

Several hands raised up together

In order to build a culture that reflects your values, you first need to figure out what those are. “Communities feel more connected and supportive when the people in them have a clear idea of what they want their culture to be like and are actively working toward that ideal,” wrote Chip Heath of Stanford University and Dan Heath of Duke University in Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard (Broadway Business, 2010), which examines individual, organizational, and social transformations.

Ask your communities (i.e., the clubs you’re in, the groups you belong to, and the friends you spend your time with) what they see as their shared goals. This doesn’t have to be scary or even formal; having an awesome group of people to lean on is a legit goal. When we’re all focused on a positive value—like genuine friendship, interdependence, or mutual trust—it’s easier to ensure that everyone is treated well. “Identifying shared community values is a critical step in building safe, supportive communities in which everyone can thrive,” says Dr. Melanie Boyd, assistant dean of student affairs and lecturer in women’s, gender, and sexuality studies at Yale University in Connecticut.

Think about what you want from your interactions

It also helps to think about what you want from any given interaction, whether it’s meeting up with a couple of friends at your place or hosting a party. When we’re actively thinking about what we want out of our social events, we can ensure that they reflect and support what matters to us.

Here are some ways to think about it

  • Why are you hosting this event or going to this hangout? What do you want from it?
  • What are you hoping to get out of it? What are you hoping others will get out of it? Do you want to meet new friends, to relax with a small group, or to try something new?
  • What vibe do you want? Intimate, classy, chill, or something else?
  • Now that the big stuff is sorted, how will you make sure your goals are met? Think about everything from the theme to the space, music, food and drinks, invites, etc.
  • What options are there? What choices do you or others have about what to wear, drink, and do?

By mindfully planning and attending events that reflect our values, we can create and support spaces without ambient pressure, and where interpersonal pressure stands out. Well-planned events with lots of options also mean more fun for the people coming and less stress for the people planning. That’s a win.

The power of small change

It all comes down to this—a culture in which respect is the norm is our most effective protection against sexual assault. And respect starts small. By making subtle changes to our everyday conversations and in our everyday interactions, we can work together to build a community where everyone can thrive. So let’s do that.

[school_resource sh101resources=’no’ category=’mobileapp,counselingservices, healthservices, wellnesspromotion, titleix, suicideprevention, residentlife, campusministry, studentservices, studentlife, studentlife, titleix’] Get help or find out more

Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard: Chip Heath & Dan Heath
Broadway Business, 2010

Sexual empowerment webinars & info: Amy Jo Goddard

What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety: Jaclyn Friedman
Seal Press, 2011

Step Up! intervention program: University of Arizona

Communication and Consent Educators program: Yale University

Find local services and other resources: NotAlone.gov


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Article sources

Melanie Boyd, PhD, assistant dean of student affairs; lecturer in women’s, gender, and sexuality studies, Yale University, Connecticut.

Armstrong, E. A., Hamilton, L., & England, P. (2010). Is hooking up bad for young women? Contexts, 9(3), 22–27.

Borsari, B., & Carey, K. B. (2000). Effects of a brief motivational intervention with college student drinkers. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 68(4), 728–733.

Carmody, M. (2005). Ethical erotics: Reconceptualizing anti-rape education. Sexualities, 8(4), 465–480.

Gavey, N. (2005). Just Sex? The Cultural Scaffolding of Rape. London and New York: Routledge.

Gavey, N., & Senn, C. Y. (2014). Sexuality and sexual violence. In D. L. Tolman & L. M. Diamond (Eds.) APA Handbook on Sexuality and Psychology: Vol. 1. Person-Based Approaches (pp. 339–382). Washington, DC: APA Press.

Heath, C., & Heath, D. (2010). Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard. New York: Broadway Books.

Strang, E., & Peterson, Z. D. (2013). The relationships among perceived peer acceptance of sexual aggression, punishment certainty, and sexually aggressive behavior. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 28(18), 3369–3385.

Wade, L., & Heldman, C. (2012). Hooking up and opting out. In L. Carpenter & J. DeLamater (Eds.) Sex for Life: From Virginity to Viagra, How Sexuality Changes Throughout Our Lives, (pp. 129–145). New York: NYU Press.

Wetherill, R. R., Neal, D. J., & Fromme, K. (2010). Parents, peers, and sexual values influence sexual behavior during the transition to college. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 39(3), 682–694.

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23 FebStudent Advocate

How to help your students create a positive sexual culture on campus—and why that matters

by Chamonix Adams Porter0 Comments
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Sometimes, attending to the unwanted “details” of our social culture—like a negative stereotype or an offhand comment—can feel like an unnecessary luxury. We may feel it is more important to address violence and coercion directly. But those everyday negative interactions provide camouflage for violence and coercion. When disrespect and disregard are normalized, it becomes more difficult to see them escalating into behaviors that are undeniably harmful.

In contrast, when communities expect respect and mutuality, it is much easier to spot behaviors that go against that norm. By challenging casual disrespect when we see it—and setting up conversations so that disrespect does not emerge in the first place—we can build communities where everyone expects to be treated well. Students, faculty, and staff can all ensure that everyday conversations reflect core community values of respect and kindness.

A positive culture is the best protection against sexual violence. Cultural and organizational change may seem like an ambitious goal, but the evidence shows that it’s achievable. That’s according to Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard (Broadway Business, 2010), by Chip Heath and Dan Heath, which examines individual, organizational, and societal transformations.

This means that even small actions can have a big impact in building a safe, supportive campus culture. By ensuring that their conversations about romance, sex, and social life are respectful, students can help to dismantle “the cultural scaffolding” of assault. Individual students can transform campus culture by subtly shifting the tone of conversations with their peers. Faculty and staff can support and praise students who strive to build more respectful conversations, and they can model it themselves.

Here’s how to get started

Two girls walking and talking

  • Students can reduce “ambient pressure”—a feeling that you must act a certain way in order to fit in—by modeling that students make diverse choices about social life.
  • Similarly, faculty and staff can ask questions that open up new options for student conversations. Avoid assumptions that all students are behaving the same way, and give students opportunities to share their diverse social choices with one another.
  • If you hear students engaging in disrespectful, stereotyping, or pressuring conversations, intervene. Ask questions of your own that invite kinder and more thoughtful discussion.
  • At an institution, work to define and share a clear vision for what you want campus culture to look like. What are your values, and what concrete steps can you take to live them out?
  • Encourage student groups and communities to identify their own core values, and to plan events and interactions that reflect these values.
  • Cultivate a shared “growth mind-set”: the belief that the effort to build a positive culture will be effective and worthwhile, and that setbacks are part of the process.
[school_resource sh101resources=’no’ category=’mobileapp,counselingservices, healthservices, wellnesspromotion, titleix, suicideprevention, residentlife, campusministry, studentservices, studentlife, studentlife, titleix’] Get help or find out more

Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard: Chip Heath & Dan Heath
Broadway Business, 2010

Tips for creating a positive school climate on campus: Greater Good Magazine at UC Berkeley

How a positive campus culture protects against sexual assault: United Educators

Step Up! intervention program: University of Arizona

Communication and Consent Educators program: Yale University

Article sources

Dr. Melanie Boyd, assistant dean of student affairs; lecturer in women’s, gender, and sexuality studies, Yale University, New Haven, Connecticut.

Armstrong, E. A., Hamilton, L., & England, P. (2010). Is hooking up bad for young women? Contexts, 9(3), 22–27.

Borsari, B., & Carey, K. B. (2000). Effects of a brief motivational intervention with college student drinkers. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 68(4), 728.

Carmody, M. (2005). Ethical erotics: Reconceptualizing anti-rape education. Sexualities, 8(4), 465–480.

Gavey, N. (2005). Just Sex? The Cultural Scaffolding of Rape. London and New York: Routledge.

Gavey, N., & Senn, C. Y. (2014). Sexuality and sexual violence. In D. L. Tolman & L. M. Diamond (Eds.) APA Handbook on Sexuality and Psychology: Vol. 1. Person-Based Approaches (pp. 339–382). Washington, DC: APA Press.

Heath, C., & Heath, D. (2010). Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard. New York: Broadway Books.

Strang, E., & Peterson, Z. D. (2013). The relationships among perceived peer acceptance of sexual aggression, punishment certainty, and sexually aggressive behavior. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 28(18), 3369–3385.

Wade, L., & Heldman, C. (2012). Hooking up and opting out. Sex for Life: From Virginity to Viagra, How Sexuality Changes Throughout Our Lives, 129–145.

Wetherill, R. R., Neal, D. J., & Fromme, K. (2010). Parents, peers, and sexual values influence sexual behavior during the transition to college. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 39(3), 682–694.

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01 JanFeaturedLGBTQ+Sexual assault and harassmentSexual culture

Strategies for supporting men who’ve experienced sexual violence

by Chamonix Adams Porter0 Comments
Reading Time: 10 minutes

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Most of us have supported friends through difficult times, such as a break-up, academic pressure, or family issues. But how do we step up and provide support when friends and loved ones experience sexual assault and other forms of sexual violence? Especially when the person who experienced the assault is male?

Social pressure and stereotypes about gender can make it particularly challenging for men who’ve been assaulted to talk about their experiences. If one of your male friends or loved ones is assaulted, it’s important that you know you’re in a position to help.

Many of the challenges men face reflect social pressure: ideas that sexual assault makes them less masculine, that women can’t assault men, or that “real men” don’t talk about or get help for painful experiences. “Some men fear that they’ll be seen as less of a man,” says Dr. Jim Hopper, a researcher, therapist, and instructor at Harvard Medical School. “If they’re heterosexual, they may fear people will doubt their sexuality. And if they’re gay or bisexual, they may blame the assault on their sexuality in a way that further stigmatizes their being gay or bisexual.”

Addressing stereotypes

A common belief is that sexual violence only affects women. In fact, many men have unwanted sexual experiences, as both children and adults. One in six men in the US is sexually assaulted before age 18, according to studies from the 1980s to the early 2000s. In 2015, seven percent of men reported being sexually assaulted while attending college, according to a study by the Washington Post and the Kaiser Family Foundation. Regardless of the targeted man’s sexual orientation, both men and women perpetrate these assaults, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) (2013).

“Sex, gender identity, and race can all influence how an experience like this affects someone, but it’s very important you have no presumption about what it feels like to your friend—so listen,” says Dr. Melanie Boyd, assistant dean of student affairs and lecturer in women’s, gender, and sexuality studies at Yale University in Connecticut.

Guy and girl looking uncomfortable

Talking to your friend about what happened

Everyone is different. People’s varying personalities and circumstances affect how they respond to an unwanted sexual experience and what we can do to help. For example, some people want lots of hugs, while some prefer verbal support. The most important thing is to relate to your friend in a way that can help him feel empowered and connected. As a friend, you’re in a great position to do this.

When a friend discloses an experience of violence, it’s normal to feel a wide range of emotions, such as shock, confusion, sadness, or anger. In the moment, keep the conversation focused on your friend’s emotions, not your own.

“Many people who experience sexual violence also experience some degree of self-blame,” says Dr. Boyd. “Partially, that’s just what people do when something bad happens: We go over the events in our head, hunting for things we could have done differently. It’s a way of regaining a sense of control. In the case of sexual violence, though, survivors also have to contend with victim-blaming patterns that run through our culture. So it’s important that friends help them push back against that. Be careful not to say or ask anything that might suggest blame—and affirm for your friend that he did the best he could in a difficult, complicated situation.”

Here are four ways you can be there for your friend

1. Be careful not to “other” him

As challenging an experience as a sexual assault may be, it’s not as though your friend has become an entirely different person. The “othering” of people who’ve been assaulted—treating them differently—can be just as dangerous as ignoring or minimizing unwanted sexual experiences, according to researchers Nicola Gavey and Johanna Schmidt (Violence Against Women, 2011). Avoid thinking of the assault as something that cuts your friend off from the rest of the world; in fact, it’s up to you to be supportive and counteract that.

  • Because of stereotypes about gender and sexual violence, male survivors may feel particularly othered: They might worry that people won’t take their experiences seriously, or that they’ll be viewed as weak. “It took me almost two years to come to terms with it, and I still feel like the few that I told sort of wrote it off because I’m a male,” said Chris*, a second-year undergraduate at the University of Kansas. To avoid othering, you can demonstrate that you take your friend’s experience seriously by using phrases like “that wasn’t okay” or “that sounds really messed up.”
  • While it’s important to give your friend opportunities to talk about his experience of violence (if he chooses to), remember to maintain the other parts of your friendship too. It may be a relief to your friend to spend some time on normal activities that he enjoys. You can try statements like, “I’m happy to talk more about this if you want, but it’s also fine if you want to take a break from processing and go for a run together.”

Friend consoling sad guy

2. Truly listen and ask questions

Make sure to listen and focus on your friend’s feelings. “Pay attention to their specific issues,” says Dr. Boyd.

  • Avoid pushing your own ideas. “Allow them to talk without being interrupted, and especially don’t put any more pressure on them (e.g., telling them that you think they need the police or a therapist),” says Tom*, a third-year undergraduate at Ripon College in Wisconsin. “Ask what you can do to help.”
  • Don’t try to investigate the situation. It’s not important for you to find out exactly what happened or to delve into the details beyond what your friend wants to share.
  • Avoid questions that might feel blaming (e.g., “Were you drunk?” or “Did you say no?”). “Being reminded that I wasn’t the one at fault felt reassuring,” said Taylor*, a second-year undergraduate at Wake Technical Community College in North Carolina.
  • Don’t speculate about what you would have done in the situation (e.g., “If someone tried to do that to me, I’d fight them off”) or project emotions onto your friend (e.g., “You must feel like a whole different person”). Let your friend lead the conversation, and respect what he’s feeling.

Try statements likeâ€Ķ

It means a lot that you trusted me with that. What can I do to help? Do you think you’d like to talk to a crisis center or a counselor on campus? It wasn’t your fault. What would be an empowering/fun/relaxing thing to do? I’m here for you.

3. Be thoughtful about your language

Avoid pronouns that assume the gender of the perpetrator or that make other assumptions about the experience. “I think one of the most important issues is breaking down the stereotype that only women are abused,” said Lena*, a second-year undergraduate at Tarrant County College in Texas.

  • Make clear that you’re not making presumptions about your friend’s experience based on his identity. In particular, avoid assumptions about your friend’s sexual orientation or gender identity. “Drop in phrases or words that don’t put them on the spot but that signal your openness to hearing a more complex narrative, about, for example, ‘people of all genders,’” says Dr. Boyd. “Pay attention to what’s going on for the person in front of you.”
  • It’s not your role to define the experience for your friend. Some people don’t use the word “rape” or “assault” to describe what may seem to you to be sexual violence, or relate to the terms “victim” or “survivor.” “You want them to feel like you’re connecting with their experience, not trying to impose your views or language on them,” says Dr. Hopper.

4. Give him choices

“As a friend, you want to relate to them in a way that gives them power, including by giving them choices and respecting whatever choices they make on whatever timeline,” says Dr. Hopper.

  • Your friend might be interested in working with the police, pursuing disciplinary action, or working with other university resources. It’s up to him to decide. While it’s not your job to steer him to the police or school administrators, providing information about his options can be a great way to help. Figure out what resources your school has, such as hotlines, therapists, heath care providers, disciplinary processes, chaplains, or survivor advocates. “Since I was assaulted, I have learned that it wasn’t my fault and that therapy does help,” said Josh*, a second-year undergraduate at the College of the Desert in California.
  • Talk with your friend about what makes him feel empowered and safe. Everyone’s different, so whether your friend feels like watching TV, working out, or flirting with someone at a party, you should ask and see how you can help. Sometimes people want to spend time on their own, sometimes people want to be social. It’s not your job to judge, but to be supportive. 

Two friends talking, sad guy

Look after yourself

“Supporting someone through the healing process can be stressful, hard, and exhausting. That’s why it’s important for supports to take of themselves,” says Bella Alarcon, a bilingual clinician at the Boston Area Rape Crisis Center who facilitates a support group for partners, friends, and family of people who’ve experienced sexual violence. Paying attention to your own needs isn’t selfish. “If you’re exhausted and overwhelmed, you’re not going to be able to support the survivor,” says Alarcon.

Be mindful of your own needs, and make sure that you’re getting support.

  • “It’s okay to set limits and boundaries. If you need a break, it’s okay,” says Alarcon. If you’re finding a conversation with your friend overwhelming, say so. Try language like, “I really want to be here for you, but I’m finding it hard to handle this conversation. I want to be able to support you as well as I can, and I think I can do that better if I take a break for a few minutes.”
  • Reach out to university resources for support. Consider speaking to a trusted mentor, a dean, a survivor advocate, or a health professional about how you’re doing. Respect your friend’s privacy by not sharing their story with peers or classmates.
  • “Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself: Take a bath, go to the gym, have a cup of tea, go out with friends, have fun, have a good cry, take a deep breath, or get your own counseling,” says Alarcon.

*Names changed

Strategies developed by the Communication and Consent Educator program at Yale University.

[school_resource sh101resources=’no’ category=’mobileapp,titleix, counselingservices, suicideprevention, titleix’] Get help or find out more

How to support a male friend: 1in6

Helpline and many other resources: RAINN

Resources for survivors: Living Well

Help for survivors: National Sexual Assault Hotline and Online Hotline

LGBTQ hotline and meet-up groups: Trevor Project

Information for transgender, genderqueer, and gender non-conforming survivors of sexual violence: FORGE

Information and resources for LGBTQ survivors of violence: Anti-Violence Project

Men share their stories of dealing with sexual violence: The Bristlecone Project

[survey_plugin] Article sources

Bella Alarcon, bilingual clinician, Boston Area Rape Crisis Center, Massachusetts.

Melanie Boyd, PhD, assistant dean in student affairs; lecturer in women’s, gender, and sexuality studies, Yale University, Connecticut.

Jim Hopper, PhD, independent consultant and clinical instructor in psychology, Department of Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School, Massachusetts.

1in6. (n.d.). Sorting it out for himself. Retrieved from https://1in6.org/family-and-friends/sorting-it-out-for-himself/

Abelson, M. J. (2014). Dangerous privilege: Trans men, masculinities, and changing perceptions of safety. Sociological Forum, 29(3), 549–570. https://doi.org/10.1111/socf.12103

Anderson, N., & Clement, S. (2015, June 12). Poll shows that 20 percent of women are sexually assaulted in college. Washington Post. Retrieved from https://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/local/2015/06/12/1-in-5-women-say-they-were-violated/

Anderson, S. S., Hendrix, S., Anderson, N., & Brown, E. (2015, June 12). Male survivors of sex assaults often fear they won’t be taken seriously. Washington Post. Retrieved from https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/male-victims-often-fear-they-wont-be-taken-seriously/2015/06/12/e780794a-f8fe-11e4-9030-b4732caefe81_story.html

Beres, M. A. (2014). Rethinking the concept of consent for anti-sexual violence activism and education. Feminism & Psychology, 24(3), 373–389.

Beres, M. A., Herold, E., & Maitland, S. B. (2004). Sexual consent behaviors in same-sex relationships. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 33(5), 475–486.

Brenner, A. (2013). Transforming campus culture to prevent rape: The possibility and promise of restorative justice as a response to campus sexual violence. Harvard Journal of Law and Gender. Retrieved from https://harvardjlg.com/2013/10/transforming-campus-culture-to-prevent-rape-the-possibility-and-promise-of-restorative-justice-as-a-response-to-campus-sexual-violence/

Carmody, M. (2003). Sexual ethics and violence prevention. Social & Legal Studies, 12(2), 199–216. https://doi.org/10.1177/0964663903012002003

Catalano, S. (2013). Intimate partner violence: Attributes of victimization, 1993–2011. Bureau of Justice Statistics (BJS). Retrieved from https://www.bjs.gov/index.cfm?ty=pbdetail&iid=4801

Colorado State University. (n.d.). A Guide for supporting survivors of sexual assault. Retreived from https://wgac.colostate.edu/supporting-survivors

Crome, S. (2006). Male survivors of sexual assault and rape. Australian Institute of Family Studies. Retrieved from https://aifs.gov.au/publications/male-survivors-sexual-assault-and-rape

Crome, S. A., & McCabe, M. P. (2001). Adult rape scripting within a victimological perspective. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 6(4), 395–413.

Davies, M., Gilston, J., & Rogers, P. (2012). Examining the relationship between male rape myth acceptance, female rape myth acceptance, victim blame, homophobia, gender roles, and ambivalent sexism. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 27(14), 2807–2823.

Davies, M., & Rogers, P. (2006). Perceptions of male victims in depicted sexual assaults: A review of the literature. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 11(4), 367–377.

Dube, S. R., Anda, R. F., Whitfield, C. L., Brown, D. W., et al. (2005). Long-term consequences of childhood sexual abuse by gender of victim. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 28(5), 430–438. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.amepre.2005.01.015

Gavey, N., & Schmidt, J. (2011). “Trauma of rape” discourse: A double-edged template for everyday understandings of the impact of rape? Violence Against Women, 17(4), 433–456.

Gavey, N., Schmidt, J., Braun, V., Fenaughty, J., et al. (2009). Unsafe, unwanted: Sexual coercion as a barrier to safer sex among men who have sex with men. Journal of Health Psychology, 14(7), 1021–1026.

Graham, R. (2006). Male rape and the careful construction of the male victim. Social & Legal Studies, 15(2), 187–208.

Grand Rapids Community College. (n.d). Step-by-step. Retrieved from
https://www.grcc.edu/studentaffairs/sexualmisconduct/stepbystep

Harrell, M. C., Castaneda, L. W., Adelson, M., Gaillot, S., et al. (2009). A compendium of sexual assault research. RAND Corporation. Retrieved from https://www.rand.org/content/dam/rand/pubs/technical_reports/2009/RAND_TR617.pdf

Hopper, J. W. (2015, June 23). Why many rape victims don’t fight or yell. Washington Post. Retrieved from https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/grade-point/wp/2015/06/23/why-many-rape-victims-dont-fight-or-yell/

Kozlowska, K., Walker, P., McLean, L., & Carrive, P. (2015). Fear and the defense cascade: Clinical implications and management. Harvard Review of Psychiatry, 23(4), 263–287.

Maine Coalition Against Sexual Violence. (n.d.). Sexual violence against LGBTQQI populations. Retrieved from https://www.mecasa.org/index.php/special-projects/lgbtqqi

Masters, N. T. (2010). “My strength is not for hurting”: Men’s anti-rape websites and their construction of masculinity and male sexuality. Sexualities, 13(1), 33–46.

Monk-Turner, E., & Light, D. (2010). Male sexual assault and rape: Who seeks counseling? Sexual Abuse: A Journal of Research and Treatment, 22(3), 255–265.

Paulk, L. (2014, April 30). Sexual assault in the LGBT community. National Center for Lesbian Rights. Retrieved from https://www.nclrights.org/sexual-assault-in-the-lgbt-community/

RAND Office of Media Relations. (n.d.). Complete results from major survey of US military sexual assault, harassment released. Retrieved from https://www.rand.org/news/press/2015/05/01.html

Rothman, E. F., Exner, D., & Baughman, A. L. (2011). The prevalence of sexual assault against people who identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual in the United States: A systematic review. Trauma, Violence & Abuse, 12(2), 55–66.

Sleath, E., & Bull, R. (2010). Male rape victim and perpetrator blaming. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 25(6), 969–988.

Stanko, E. A., & Hobdell, K. (1993). Assault on men: Masculinity and male victimization. British Journal of Criminology, 33(3), 400–415.

Strauss, V. (2014, August 29). Does “restorative justice” in campus sexual assault cases make sense? Washington Post. Retrieved from https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/wp/2014/08/29/does-restorative-justice-in-campus-sexual-assault-cases-make-sense/

Walters, M. L., Chen, J., & Breiding, M. J. (2013). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS): 2010 findings on victimization by sexual orientation. Atlanta, GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_sofindings.pdf

Weiss, K. G. (2010). Male sexual victimization examining men’s experiences of rape and sexual assault. Men and Masculinities, 12(3), 275–298.

Willis, D. G. (2009). Male-on-male rape of an adult man: A case review and implications for interventions. Journal of the American Psychiatric Nurses Association, 14(6), 454–461.

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01 JanStudent Advocate

How to support male students who’ve experienced sexual violence

by Chamonix Adams Porter0 Comments
Reading Time: 5 minutes

One in six men in the US is sexually assaulted before age 18, according to studies from the 1980s to the early 2000s, and about seven percent of men reported being sexually assaulted while attending college, according to a 2015 study by the Washington Post and the Kaiser Family Foundation. Those men can experience complex barriers to talking about the assaults and seeking help.

Many of the challenges are defined by social pressure, including the false ideas that sexual assault makes them less masculine, that women can’t assault men, or that “real men” don’t talk about, let alone get help for, painful experiences. Faculty, staff, parents, and other supporters can make this conversation more effective by validating male students’ experiences and letting them make choices about what to do next.

Allow students to make their own decisions about what they want to do

Don’t push students who’ve experienced sexual violence to any particular course of action. One reason that sexual violence is so harmful is that it takes away people’s autonomy. By allowing students who’ve experienced sexual violence to make their own choices, you’re putting power back in their hands.

How to talk about the sexual assault of men

  • Avoid pronouns that assume the gender of the perpetrator.
  • Make clear that you’re not making presumptions about the survivor’s experience based on his identity, especially his sexual orientation or gender identity. “Signal your openness to hearing a more complex narrative, about, for example, ‘people of all genders,’” says Dr. Melanie Boyd, assistant dean of student affairs at Yale University in Connecticut.
  • Some people don’t use the word “rape” or “assault” to describe what may seem to be sexual violence, or relate to the terms “victim” or “survivor.” It’s not your job to apply those words to his experience.

Promote campus and community resources

Make sure your students are aware of campus and community resources that can support them if they (or a friend) experience sexual violence. Emphasize that these resources are available for students who aren’t sure if their experiences qualify as sexual misconduct or for students who are concerned about a friend.

Here’s how other colleges and universities are addressing it

  • The Princeton SHARE Center’s website shows the wide range of choices available to students who’ve experienced sexual misconduct in a simple, clear layout. This lets students know that they can reach out for help without fear of being pressured into a certain course of action.
  • Grand Rapids Community College uses a video to explain the Title IX reporting system step by step. The video approach makes university resources seem more personal, accessible, and easy to understand.
  • Colorado State University’s Women and Gender Advocacy Center’s website gives helpful advice to students supporting survivors. This gives students tools to help their friends and signals that the university is a supportive space.
Get help or find out more

How to support a male friend: 1in6

Helpline and many other resources: RAINN

Resources for survivors: Living Well

Help for survivors: National Sexual Assault Hotline and Online Hotline

LGBTQ hotline and meet-up groups: Trevor Project

Information for transgender, genderqueer, and gender non-conforming survivors of sexual violence: FORGE

Information and resources for LGBTQ survivors of violence: Anti-Violence Project

Men share their stories of dealing with sexual violence: The Bristlecone Project


Article sources

Bella Alarcon, bilingual clinician, Boston Area Rape Crisis Center, Massachusetts.

Melanie Boyd, PhD, assistant dean in student affairs; lecturer in women’s, gender, and sexuality studies, Yale University, Connecticut.

Jim Hopper, PhD, independent consultant and clinical instructor in psychology, Department of Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School, Massachusetts.

1in6. (n.d.). Sorting it out for himself. Retrieved from https://1in6.org/family-and-friends/sorting-it-out-for-himself/

Abelson, M. J. (2014). Dangerous privilege: Trans men, masculinities, and changing perceptions of safety. Sociological Forum, 29(3), 549–570. https://doi.org/10.1111/socf.12103

Anderson, N., & Clement, S. (2015, June 12). Poll shows that 20 percent of women are sexually assaulted in college. Washington Post. Retrieved from https://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/local/2015/06/12/1-in-5-women-say-they-were-violated/

Anderson, S. S., Hendrix, S., Anderson, N., & Brown, E. (2015, June 12). Male survivors of sex assaults often fear they won’t be taken seriously. Washington Post. Retrieved from https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/male-victims-often-fear-they-wont-be-taken-seriously/2015/06/12/e780794a-f8fe-11e4-9030-b4732caefe81_story.html

Beres, M. A. (2014). Rethinking the concept of consent for anti-sexual violence activism and education. Feminism & Psychology, 24(3), 373–389.

Beres, M. A., Herold, E., & Maitland, S. B. (2004). Sexual consent behaviors in same-sex relationships. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 33(5), 475–486.

Brenner, A. (2013). Transforming campus culture to prevent rape: The possibility and promise of restorative justice as a response to campus sexual violence. Harvard Journal of Law and Gender. Retrieved from https://harvardjlg.com/2013/10/transforming-campus-culture-to-prevent-rape-the-possibility-and-promise-of-restorative-justice-as-a-response-to-campus-sexual-violence/

Carmody, M. (2003). Sexual ethics and violence prevention. Social & Legal Studies, 12(2), 199–216. https://doi.org/10.1177/0964663903012002003

Catalano, S. (2013). Intimate partner violence: Attributes of victimization, 1993–2011. Bureau of Justice Statistics (BJS). Retrieved from https://www.bjs.gov/index.cfm?ty=pbdetail&iid=4801

Colorado State University. (n.d.). A Guide for supporting survivors of sexual assault. Retreived from https://wgac.colostate.edu/supporting-survivors

Crome, S. (2006). Male survivors of sexual assault and rape. Australian Institute of Family Studies. Retrieved from https://aifs.gov.au/publications/male-survivors-sexual-assault-and-rape

Crome, S. A., & McCabe, M. P. (2001). Adult rape scripting within a victimological perspective. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 6(4), 395–413.

Davies, M., Gilston, J., & Rogers, P. (2012). Examining the relationship between male rape myth acceptance, female rape myth acceptance, victim blame, homophobia, gender roles, and ambivalent sexism. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 27(14), 2807–2823.

Davies, M., & Rogers, P. (2006). Perceptions of male victims in depicted sexual assaults: A review of the literature. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 11(4), 367–377.

Dube, S. R., Anda, R. F., Whitfield, C. L., Brown, D. W., et al. (2005). Long-term consequences of childhood sexual abuse by gender of victim. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 28(5), 430–438. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.amepre.2005.01.015

Gavey, N., & Schmidt, J. (2011). “Trauma of rape” discourse: A double-edged template for everyday understandings of the impact of rape? Violence Against Women, 17(4), 433–456.

Gavey, N., Schmidt, J., Braun, V., Fenaughty, J., et al. (2009). Unsafe, unwanted: Sexual coercion as a barrier to safer sex among men who have sex with men. Journal of Health Psychology, 14(7), 1021–1026.

Graham, R. (2006). Male rape and the careful construction of the male victim. Social & Legal Studies, 15(2), 187–208.

Grand Rapids Community College. (n.d). Step-by-step. Retrieved from
https://www.grcc.edu/studentaffairs/sexualmisconduct/stepbystep

Harrell, M. C., Castaneda, L. W., Adelson, M., Gaillot, S., et al. (2009). A compendium of sexual assault research. RAND Corporation. Retrieved from https://www.rand.org/content/dam/rand/pubs/technical_reports/2009/RAND_TR617.pdf

Hopper, J. W. (2015, June 23). Why many rape victims don’t fight or yell. Washington Post. Retrieved from https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/grade-point/wp/2015/06/23/why-many-rape-victims-dont-fight-or-yell/

Kozlowska, K., Walker, P., McLean, L., & Carrive, P. (2015). Fear and the defense cascade: Clinical implications and management. Harvard Review of Psychiatry, 23(4), 263–287.

Maine Coalition Against Sexual Violence. (n.d.). Sexual violence against LGBTQQI populations. Retrieved from https://www.mecasa.org/index.php/special-projects/lgbtqqi

Masters, N. T. (2010). “My strength is not for hurting”: Men’s anti-rape websites and their construction of masculinity and male sexuality. Sexualities, 13(1), 33–46.

Monk-Turner, E., & Light, D. (2010). Male sexual assault and rape: Who seeks counseling? Sexual Abuse: A Journal of Research and Treatment, 22(3), 255–265.

Paulk, L. (2014, April 30). Sexual assault in the LGBT community. National Center for Lesbian Rights. Retrieved from https://www.nclrights.org/sexual-assault-in-the-lgbt-community/

RAND Office of Media Relations. (n.d.). Complete results from major survey of US military sexual assault, harassment released. Retrieved from https://www.rand.org/news/press/2015/05/01.html

Rothman, E. F., Exner, D., & Baughman, A. L. (2011). The prevalence of sexual assault against people who identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual in the United States: A systematic review. Trauma, Violence & Abuse, 12(2), 55–66.

Sleath, E., & Bull, R. (2010). Male rape victim and perpetrator blaming. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 25(6), 969–988.

Stanko, E. A., & Hobdell, K. (1993). Assault on men: Masculinity and male victimization. British Journal of Criminology, 33(3), 400–415.

Strauss, V. (2014, August 29). Does “restorative justice” in campus sexual assault cases make sense? Washington Post. Retrieved from https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/wp/2014/08/29/does-restorative-justice-in-campus-sexual-assault-cases-make-sense/

Walters, M. L., Chen, J., & Breiding, M. J. (2013). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS): 2010 findings on victimization by sexual orientation. Atlanta, GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_sofindings.pdf

Weiss, K. G. (2010). Male sexual victimization examining men’s experiences of rape and sexual assault. Men and Masculinities, 12(3), 275–298.

Willis, D. G. (2009). Male-on-male rape of an adult man: A case review and implications for interventions. Journal of the American Psychiatric Nurses Association, 14(6), 454–461.

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01 DecCommunicationEnvironmentFeaturedRelationshipsSelfSexual assault and harassmentSexual culture

4 easy ways to set positive standards in your online world

by Chamonix Adams Porter0 Comments
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Whether we’re taking an online class, catching up with friends, reading the news, checking our favorite Reddit thread, or watching videos of baby pandas sneezing, we all spend a lot of time online. Our online communities are full of opportunities for connection, sharing, and positivity, but sometimes we may encounter negativity and downright nastiness, to put it mildly.

We can all play a role in shaping online communities in which everyone can thrive. Disrespect and harassment are less likely when digital spaces reflect our values. For example, building supportive communities makes sexual harassment and violence less likely. Creating respectful spaces online is a critical part of these efforts. So how do we make the online communities we participate in feel more positive, especially in an era where we might feel particularly divided? And how do we respond when we see negative posts in a group page we’re in charge of? Or when we notice a hurtful comment in a community we participate in?

Whether you have a leadership role in an online space or you’re just a casual participant, there’s plenty you can do to help keep things positive.

Here’s how to use your role to create the online space you want

If you create, manage, or moderate an online space, you have a key role to play in building a supportive community. But being a member matters just as much. You get to model and shape the online community you participate in. Here’s a four-step guide to making it work—no matter your role.

1. Define your goals

For leaders

Whether you’re starting a new group or taking over an existing one, start by reflecting on your goals.

Consider the following questions:

  • If this group is new, why are you starting it? If you’re taking over an existing page, what are the group’s shared goals?
  • How do you want members to experience the group?
  • What would be the best possible version of this group?

It’s essential to define your goals even if your group is small and informal. For example: Imagine that you create a GroupMe for the people living on your res hall floor. The following goals could take the group in three very different directions and would call for different leadership:

  • Planning large parties for everyone in the hall
  • Upholding community standards (e.g., reminding people to be quiet during finals)
  • Meeting new people

For members

Goals matter for members too. In fact, knowing what they are and communicating them effectively sets the tone for the rest of the group. This doesn’t have to be formal. It’s about having a shared purpose.

Think about this: If you share a group chat with your friends from high school, what’s your purpose for doing so? How can you make sure others are on board? Your personal goal might be to stay in touch while building stronger connections with everyone. What are some small steps you can take to reach this goal?

  • Model what you’re looking for by offering it first: Share updates about your life and ask others to do the same.
  • Open participation: Invite other people to participate and pull quiet, shy, or disengaged people into the conversation.
  • Make concrete plans: Suggest group activities or meet-ups.

By actively engaging in the group in a positive way, you’re setting an example for other members. A significant body of research shows that when we believe our peers expect us to behave a certain way, we’re more likely to behave that way (this is called social norms theory). This means that when we’re positive and don’t tolerate harmful behavior in an online setting, it sets the tone for others to follow suit.

work station with laptop and devices

2. Create & communicate guidelines

For leaders

Explicitly communicate your expectations. People are surprisingly attentive to group guidelines. A 2016 analysis of the Reddit thread r/science (which has more than 13 million subscribers) found that posting page rules increased users’ compliance with the rules and even increased the number of comments made by newcomers on certain posts.

“It’s important that the standard be set right from the beginning that mistreatment of any kind will not be tolerated,” says Dr. Justin Patchin, professor of criminal science at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire and codirector of the Cyberbullying Research Center.

How you can put this into practice

Let’s say you take over the Facebook page of a campus multicultural center with several hundred members. How might you create guidelines for the group?

HEADING: Sample group guidelines. 1) focus on your goals: we can use this group to share information about events in the multicultural center, to welcome first-year students, and to stay in touch with alumni. 2) Explain what content is acceptable: please use respectful language and stay on topic comments 3) Say how you will handle rule violations: comments in violation of these policies will be deleted 4) Choose other moderators to share the moderation process: if you have concerns about group content, message a moderator. FOOTER: Make your guidelines visible by posting them prominently. Facebook's "pinning" feature is useful for this.

It’s also important to create guidelines for informal groups. If you created a small Facebook group for your friends in the multicultural center, you could casually communicate your expectations. Try statements like:

  • “Let’s use this group to stay in touch over the summer!”
  • “If anyone has questions about this group, I’m happy to help out.”

For members

Point out behaviors that positively reinforce your group standards and support the community guidelines—you can keep it casual. This sets the expectation that people will interact in positive ways. Try out statements such as, “It’s awesome how we can disagree without things getting ugly.”

3. Respond if people fall short of your expectations

For leaders

It’s easiest to take action at the first sign of disrespect or someone behaving outside of the group guidelines. Don’t wait for problems to escalate before you step in.

Just like in social situations or in the classroom, you can practice bystander intervention by stepping in to address disrespect and prevent harm. In a 2015 study of adolescents and young adults, bystanders stepped in at similar rates when someone was being harassed online as they did when an incident happened in person (Journal of Youth and Adolescence). In fact, bystanders were most likely to step in when someone was being harassed both in person and online.

What this might look like

Imagine that you’re the moderator of an online study group. You all use the group to share study tips, ask questions, and set up times to work together. One day, the posts start to stray from the class material to people complaining about the course and insulting the professor’s looks. How do you handle it?

Try privately messaging the people involved, or leave a comment of your own. Assuming good intent can make these conversations easier. For example:

Private messages

  • “You probably don’t mean any harm, but your comments came off negatively.”
  • “Please refer to the community guidelines.”

Comments to redirect the group

  • “We have that big test coming up, so let’s focus and be prepared.”
  • “Let’s stick to the focus of this group.”

For members

It’s not just the leader’s responsibility to uphold community standards; it’s on you as a community member to redirect group members who fall short of your goals. It can be as easy as asking a different question.

Here’s how you might step in as a community member in the study group scenario:

  • Distract the group with a question that relates to the original goal (e.g., post a question about the homework).
  • Redirect the group: “We have to get through this critical analysis, so let’s focus and be prepared.”
  • Find an ally: Talk to a friend in the group about the behavior and come up with a plan for approaching it as a team.
  • Go undercover: Anonymously post a comment saying the behavior is unacceptable.
  • Ask for help: Ask a moderator to reiterate the group values—or establish them if there aren’t any.

serious woman using tablet

4. Intervene if the situation escalates

For leaders

What can you do if serious disrespect, harassment, or hateful behavior emerges in an online space that you manage?

For example, imagine you’re managing a student publication’s website. Debate in the comments section is usually respectful. One day, a regular commenter calls another a slur. Here are four options for how to intervene:

1) Delete the harmful content, and consider banning the commenter.

“Delete the person whose posts are negative. By proactively doing this, [you show] that [you] have had enough and will not engage in their negative and hurtful behaviors.”
—Ross Ellis, founder and CEO of STOMP Out Bullying, a national bullying and harassment prevention organization

“If [people] see hurtful posts quickly removed and frequent violators banned, this will set the tone that online abuse is not allowed here.”
—Dr. Patchin

2) Reach out to the people who were targeted.

Write to the targeted commenter. Let them know that you have deleted the content, you support them, and offer to direct them to university resources.

3) Report the incident—if the targeted person wishes that you do so.

Consider reporting the behavior to a campus official, such as a dean. Check with the person who was targeted to ask for their permission first.

4) Reiterate your group expectations.

After you have dealt with the harm, work with other members of the publication team to refocus on your core goals.

For members

What if you see this happening in an online community you’re a part of? As an active member of the community, stepping in reinforces the standards of the whole group and sends the message that this behavior isn’t tolerated here. Here’s how to do it:

  • If the behavior affects someone you know, privately reach out and express support. Try language such as, “That was messed up. Is there anything I can do?”
  • Consider contributing some positive words. Offering encouragement and support is a simple way to mitigate the effect of online harassment. Manners (good and bad) are contagious. Modeling civility and constructive commentary online can potentially dissuade others from trolling, according to a 2017 study by researchers at Cornell University.
  • Ask before you act on someone else’s behalf. If you want to confront the aggressor or request an apology on behalf of the person who has been wronged, this isn’t a decision to make alone. Work with the targeted person and respect their wishes about how to proceed. They might prefer to not confront the aggressor or to report the issue to the relevant site directly. Except for situations of acute danger, don’t take action on their behalf if you haven’t been asked to do so.

How students are putting there practices into action

“At the beginning of the year, we have a discussion about what’s appropriate to post and what isn’t. If something negative is posted, it’s removed, and we have a discussion with the person who posted.”
—Jeanette A., fourth-year undergraduate, Kutztown University, Pennsylvania

“It’s not a controversial forum. We have rules, but we’re relaxed and work together in a group rather than talk about conflicting ideas.”
—Eliot A., recent graduate, Metropolitan State University of Denver

“I create a safe and open space where anyone is willing to make complaints, share their words, or explain their situation. I make it a place where anyone can feel at home.” —Luke M., third-year undergraduate, Northern Illinois University“I monitor the page though my manager app that I’ve installed on my phone. I posted guidelines and must approve all comments and posts before they’re allowed to be posted. If someone complains about harassment or being messaged, I’ll check out the situation, take proper steps to stop it, and prevent it in the future.”
—Angel P., fourth-year undergraduate, Governors State University, Illinois

“Anything that’s posted that’s disrespectful is deleted and that person is warned through a personal message. If they continue, they’re removed from the page.”
—Leah H., third-year undergraduate, Northern Illinois University

Strategies developed by the Communication and Consent Educator program at Yale University.

[school_resource sh101resources=’no’ category=’mobileapp,counselingservices, studentservices’] Get help or find out more

Tips on writing community guidelines for social media groups: Vervely

A guide to building community in online courses: George Washington University

Bystander intervention: Yale University

Practical strategies for building digital community: Massachusetts Institute of Technology


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Article sources

Ross Ellis, founder and CEO of STOMP Out Bullying, a national bullying and harassment prevention organization.

Justin Patchin, PhD, professor of criminal science at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire and codirector of the Cyberbullying Research Center.

Awwad, H. (2017, June 1). Virtual abuse? How to build a positive online community. Student Health 101. Retrieved from https://publicsite.readsh101.net/virtual-abuse/

Banyard, V. L., Plante, E. G., & Moynihan, M. M. (2004). Bystander education: Bringing a broader community perspective to sexual violence prevention. Journal of Community Psychology, 32(1), 61–79.

Bazelon, E. (2013). Sticks and stones: Defeating the culture of bullying and rediscovering the power of character and empathy. Random House Incorporated.

Brody, N., & Vangelisti, A. L. (2016). Bystander intervention in cyberbullying. Communication Monographs, 83(1), 94–119.

Cheng, J., Bernstein, M., Danescu-Niculescu-Mizil, C., & Lescovec, J. (2017). Anyone can become a troll: Causes of trolling behavior in online discussions. CSCW ’17: Proceedings of the 2017 ACM Conference on Computer Supported Cooperative Work and Social Computing, 1217–1230. Retrieved from https://dl.acm.org/citation.cfm?doid=2998181.2998213

Cialdini, R. B., Kallgren, C. A., & Reno, R. R. (1991). A focus theory of normative conduct: A theoretical refinement and reevaluation of the role of norms in human behavior. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 24, 201–234.

Jones, L. M., Mitchell, K. J., & Turner, H. A. (2015). Victim reports of bystander reactions to in-person and online peer harassment: A national survey of adolescents. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 44(12), 2308–2320.

LaMorte, W. W. (2016). Social norms theory. Boston University. Retrieved from https://sphweb.bumc.bu.edu/otlt/MPH-Modules/SB/BehavioralChangeTheories/BehavioralChangeTheories7.html

Lenhart, A., Madden, M., Smith, A., Purcell, K., et al. (2011). Teens, kindness and cruelty on social network sites: How American teens navigate the new world of “digital citizenship.” Pew Internet & American Life Project.

Matias, J. N. (2016, October 8). Posting rules in online discussions prevents problems and increases participation. Civil Servant. Retrieved from https://civilservant.io/moderation_experiment_r_science_rule_posting.html

Perkins, H. W., Craig, D. W., & Perkins, J. M. (2011). Using social norms to reduce bullying: A research intervention among adolescents in five middle schools. Group Processes & Intergroup Relations, 14(5), 703–722.

Ren, Y., Kraut, R., Kiesler, S., & Resnick, P. (2012). Encouraging commitment in online communities. Building successful online communities: Evidence-based social design, 77–124.

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01 DecStudent Advocate

Creating online spaces that promote positivity

by Chamonix Adams Porter0 Comments
Reading Time: 3 minutes

We know that students spend a great deal of their time online, so it’s important to ensure that they have the skills to build supportive digital communities and to intervene if they see disrespect or harassment. Students can all play a role in shaping online communities in which everyone can thrive. When students build and participate in digital spaces that reflect core community values, disrespect and harassment become less likely. If problems do arise, it’s easier to address them.

Many of the skills that we use to intervene in bystander situations in person also apply in digital spaces. In a 2015 study of adolescents and young adults, bystanders stepped in at similar rates when someone was being harassed online as they did when an incident happened in person (Journal of Youth and Adolescence). In fact, bystanders were most likely to step in when someone was being harassed both in person and online.

You can help students build supportive online communities by emphasizing the following strategies, perhaps during student leadership trainings or classroom discussions. Additionally, you can put these tools into practice yourself, such as in university social media groups or online courses.

1) Reflect on your goals for the online community

  • What are our core values for this space?
  • What would be the best possible version of this space?
  • What are practical, everyday strategies for realizing these goals?

2) Clearly communicate your expectations

  • Create community guidelines for digital spaces.
  • People are surprisingly attentive to clearly communicated group guidelines. A 2016 analysis of the Reddit thread r/science (which has more than 13 million subscribers) found that posting page rules increased users’ compliance with the rules and even increased the number of comments made by newcomers on certain posts.

3) Respond if people fall short of your expectations

  • Don’t wait for serious disrespect, harassment, or hateful speech to respond.
  • Redirect the community back to its intended purpose (e.g., remind students that an online classroom forum is only for discussing coursework).
  • Reiterate the community guidelines.

4) Encourage members to actively participate in the community

  • Empower students to reinforce community guidelines by calling out inappropriate comments, redirecting group conversations, and supporting each other by posting positive comments.
  • This provides students with the opportunity to have an active role in creating and maintaining their positive online community

5) Intervene if the situation escalates

  • If you encounter serious disrespect, consider reporting it to the website. Most social media sites have easy-to-use reporting methods.
  • Report harassment to a university official, such as a dean or Title IX coordinator.

When students take these small actions, they can have a substantial impact. They will not only stop harmful behavior but also set a positive example for their peers. A significant body of research on social norms theory shows that when students believe their peers expect them to behave a certain way, they’re more likely to behave that way. So when they set positive community norms and don’t tolerate harmful behavior in an online setting, it sets the tone for others to follow suit.

Get help or find out more

Tips on writing community guidelines for social media groups: Vervely

A guide to building community in online courses: George Washington University

Bystander intervention: Yale University

Practical strategies for building digital community: Massachusetts Institute of Technology

Article sources

Ross Ellis, founder and CEO of STOMP Out Bullying, a national bullying and harassment prevention organization.

Justin Patchin, PhD, professor of criminal science at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire and codirector of the Cyberbullying Research Center.

Awwad, H. (2017, June 1). Virtual abuse? How to build a positive online community. Student Health 101. Retrieved from https://publicsite.readsh101.net/virtual-abuse/

Banyard, V. L., Plante, E. G., & Moynihan, M. M. (2004). Bystander education: Bringing a broader community perspective to sexual violence prevention. Journal of Community Psychology, 32(1), 61–79.

Bazelon, E. (2013). Sticks and stones: Defeating the culture of bullying and rediscovering the power of character and empathy. Random House Incorporated.

Brody, N., & Vangelisti, A. L. (2016). Bystander intervention in cyberbullying. Communication Monographs, 83(1), 94–119.

Cheng, J., Bernstein, M., Danescu-Niculescu-Mizil, C., & Lescovec, J. (2017). Anyone can become a troll: Causes of trolling behavior in online discussions. CSCW ’17: Proceedings of the 2017 ACM Conference on Computer Supported Cooperative Work and Social Computing, 1217–1230. Retrieved from https://dl.acm.org/citation.cfm?doid=2998181.2998213

Cialdini, R. B., Kallgren, C. A., & Reno, R. R. (1991). A focus theory of normative conduct: A theoretical refinement and reevaluation of the role of norms in human behavior. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 24, 201–234.

Jones, L. M., Mitchell, K. J., & Turner, H. A. (2015). Victim reports of bystander reactions to in-person and online peer harassment: A national survey of adolescents. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 44(12), 2308–2320.

LaMorte, W. W. (2016). Social norms theory. Boston University. Retrieved from https://sphweb.bumc.bu.edu/otlt/MPH-Modules/SB/BehavioralChangeTheories/BehavioralChangeTheories7.html

Lenhart, A., Madden, M., Smith, A., Purcell, K., et al. (2011). Teens, kindness and cruelty on social network sites: How American teens navigate the new world of “digital citizenship.” Pew Internet & American Life Project.

Matias, J. N. (2016, October 8). Posting rules in online discussions prevents problems and increases participation. Civil Servant. Retrieved from https://civilservant.io/moderation_experiment_r_science_rule_posting.html

Perkins, H. W., Craig, D. W., & Perkins, J. M. (2011). Using social norms to reduce bullying: A research intervention among adolescents in five middle schools. Group Processes & Intergroup Relations, 14(5), 703–722.

Ren, Y., Kraut, R., Kiesler, S., & Resnick, P. (2012). Encouraging commitment in online communities. Building successful online communities: Evidence-based social design, 77–124.

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01 NovCareerFeaturedMoneySexual assault and harassmentSexual culture

Bystander intervention goes professional: 4 tips for stepping in on the job

by Chamonix Adams Porter0 Comments
Reading Time: 8 minutes

Rate this article and enter to win

Here’s something most of us know, and the research backs up: Small actions make a big difference, especially when it comes to preventing sexual harassment and assault. If we see something that doesn’t feel right, we can act. This is bystander intervention: stepping in to reinforce our community values and prevent harm when we see something that looks like disrespect or pressure. Many of us already do this, like when we disrupt a conversation that seems uncomfortable or speak up when people make hurtful comments.

Often, when we think about sexual misconduct and bystander intervention, we’re thinking about intervening in social situations, such as on the dance floor, at a party, or in a relationship. But what happens when you see this happening at your internship, on the job, or at your workplace?

While we might know that it’s equally important to take action in the workplace, we might not exactly know how to do it, especially if we’re dealing with uneven power dynamics—like a boss who’s making crude comments to an employee or an established colleague taking advantage of a new intern. The good news? The basics, which you already know, work here too.

“The skills and strategies that work in social contexts can often be applied to other settings, including professional contexts such as a summer internship or other job,” says Laura Santacrose, assistant director of the Skorton Center for Health Initiatives at Cornell University in New York, who developed Cornell’s “Intervene” project, a bystander intervention initiative for students. The knowledge and confidence that we’ve gained from intervening in other contexts make a difference. Knowing we have the skills to step in makes us more likely to do so, according to a 2014 study of college students in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence.

Besides reinforcing your own personal values, you’re also setting the bar high for the rest of the organization. And that’s important. “Employers hope to create an environment that is welcoming and inclusive for all employees. A safe and inclusive environment fosters teamwork among colleagues, greater workplace satisfaction, and higher levels of innovation and creativity on the job. Employees who are able to facilitate such an environment are highly valued by both their employers and by their clients,” says Jeanine Dames, director of the Office of Career Strategy at Yale University in Connecticut.

Happy professional girl

So how do you do it?

Before you start, consider risk

Whenever we intervene, it’s critical to consider the potential risks involved and to make a safe plan. The power dynamics between supervisors and employees may make it difficult to intervene directly, so consider subtle or indirect actions. “There may be additional supports in a professional setting that will make an intervention easier [than in a social situation], including support from a human resources department,” says Santacrose.

Start here: Stepping in on the job

1. Pay attention to what’s happening

  • Overhear a sexist comment about the new hire’s cleavage? See a colleague’s uncomfortable face when he interacts with his overly handsy boss? Pay attention to the patterns.
  • Ask yourself: How might this situation impact the individuals involved? The department or team? The broader community of the organization or company?

2. Decide: Should someone step in? And who should that someone be?

  • Trust your instincts. It’s OK to decide to do something even if you aren’t sure there’s a problem.
  • Remember that “doing something” might be shooting a quick email to human resources (HR) or chatting briefly with your coworkers to see if they’re noticing it too. Ask your fellow employees or supervisors what they’re seeing or how they might deal with the situation. HR representatives may be particularly helpful. It’s their job to make sure that the workplace is safe and respectful, so they want to know when something seems off.

3. Make a plan

  • There are usually multiple ways to intervene. Play to your strengths. Not sure what those are? Take our bystander quiz here to learn more about your stepping-in style. Remember that interventions don’t have to be dramatic to be effective.
  • Pay attention to power dynamics. If you are worried about the consequences of intervening, consider confidentially reporting the problem to HR.

4. Make your move: Intervene and follow up

  • After you’ve intervened, follow up with the person being targeted or your colleagues.
  • Think about what the organization could do to make positive outcomes more likely in the future. What structural changes would help? Can you review company policies and suggest updates? Are there employee training options that can help set community standards? Make suggestions and be willing to help put them into place if it’s an option.

How would you respond?

Now that you know the basics, or at least can refer back to them, let’s get into some examples. Use the following scenarios to think about possible intervention strategies. What strategies would you choose?

Scenario 1: Inappropriate jokes

Imagine that you share an office space with several other summer interns. One of the interns, Taylor, often makes sexual jokes and suggestive comments. You and the other interns find the jokes annoying, but one of the interns, Sam, looks upset and starts to avoid the space.

Potential impacts of this behavior

  • Taylor is distracting everyone from work.
  • Sam might worry that others think Taylor’s jokes are OK.
  • Sam’s job performance could suffer.
  • Other interns’ job performance could suffer.
  • Taylor might continue this behavior in other workplaces, which could continue to hurt people—and damage Taylor’s job prospects.

Possible interventions

  • Don’t laugh at the jokes. An awkward silence can speak volumes.
  • Privately check in with Taylor. “You probably mean well, but those jokes make you seem unprofessional.”
  • Privately check in with Sam. “You seemed a little bit uncomfortable with Taylor’s jokes. Are you OK?”
  • Talk to a supervisor. Suggest that supervisors discuss appropriate workplace conduct with new interns now and in the future.
  • Consider structural changes that can prevent this problem from happening again. Proactively start positive, professional conversations in the shared workspace. This sets a good example and minimizes chances for inappropriate conversations to begin.
  • Student story: “I politely interrupted the situation by asking a work-related question to cause a distraction and interruption. Then I privately talked to my co-worker at a later time.”
    —Rebecca B., fourth-year undergraduate, Rochester Community and Technical College, Minnesota

Scenario 2: Unfair treatment

Imagine that you have a part-time campus job in a lab. The professor in charge of the lab chooses a graduate student, Riley, to lead a project. A few weeks ago, Riley asked one of your coworkers, Casey, out on a date. Casey said no. Since then, Riley seems to be treating Casey differently from the other lab members. Riley often dismisses Casey’s comments in meetings and assigns all the menial jobs to Casey.

Potential impacts of this behavior

  • The professor might think that Casey is not a good employee.
  • The rest of the lab members are missing out on Casey’s contributions.
  • Other lab members might feel like they must always agree with Riley or face retaliation.
  • Riley is behaving unprofessionally, which could hurt Riley’s future job prospects.

Possible interventions

  • Validate Casey’s contributions. If Riley dismisses one of Casey’s comments, say, “I actually thought that was a really good point.” Similarly, volunteer to do the menial jobs yourself.
  • Check in with Casey. Tell Casey that you’ve noticed the problem and are available to help. Providing emotional support after an incident of harassment is the most common kind of workplace bystander intervention, according to a 2016 study in the International Journal of Human Resources Management.
  • Express your concerns with the professor supervising the lab.
  • Consider reaching out to an official such as a Title IX coordinator or HR representative.
  • Propose structural changes to ensure everyone’s voices are heard and menial jobs are fairly distributed. For example, you could suggest that everyone takes turns performing the less-desirable tasks using a chart that’s visible in the lab.
  • Student story: “I told my manager right away. The manager handled it from there.”
    —Kassandra J., first-year graduate student, Texas Woman’s University

Scenario 3: Callouts on appearance

Imagine that you have a part-time job. Your supervisor makes small talk with employees as you arrive in the morning. Topics range from sports to the weather, but on several occasions, your supervisor has made comments about the appearance of one employee, Kai, such as, “You look gorgeous today!” and “That shirt looks great on you!” Your supervisor does not comment on other employees’ appearances.

Potential impacts of this behavior

  • This behavior creates a workplace that emphasizes people’s appearance, perhaps implying that their looks matter more than their ideas.
  • Kai may feel uncomfortable at work and worry about what the manager expects.
  • Other employees might worry that they will be treated differently based on appearance too.

Possible interventions

  • Check in with Kai and express concern about the comments.
  • Subtly steer conversations back to appropriate topics.
  • Speak to another employee and ask for advice.
  • Talk to an HR representative. They may be able to take action without revealing your identity.

See? Your bystander skills just went pro. When you break it down like this, intervening becomes a little easier, which means your workplace can be just as supportive of a community as your campus is. So remember: Your bystander skills can work in any context, at any time.

Want more bystander info? Check out Cornell University’s bystander initiative, “Intervene.” This interactive training, useful for students of all kinds, offers concrete strategies for intervening in a wide range of social, academic, and professional settings.

Strategies developed by the Communication and Consent Educator program at Yale University.

[school_resource sh101resources=’no’ category=’mobileapp,healthservices, wellnesspromotion, counselingservices, titleix’] Get help or find out more

“Intervene” video and resources on bystander intervention: Cornell University

Brochure on effective intervention strategies: Yale University

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Article sources

Jeanine Dames, JD, director of office of career strategy, Yale University, Connecticut.

Laura Santacrose, MPH, assistant director, Skorton Center for Health Initiatives, Cornell University, New York.

Banyard, V. L. (2011). Who will help prevent sexual violence: Creating an ecological model of bystander intervention. Psychology of Violence, 1(3), 216–229.

Banyard, V. L., Plante, E. G., & Moynihan, M. M. (2004). Bystander education: Bringing a broader community perspective to sexual violence prevention. Journal of Community Psychology, 32(1), 61–79.

Bennett, S., Banyard, V. L., & Garnhart, L. (2014). To act or not to act, that is the question? Barriers and facilitators of bystander intervention. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 29(3), 476–496.

Bowes-Sperry, L., & O’Leary-Kelly, A. M. (2005). To act or not to act: The dilemma faced by sexual harassment observers. Academy of Management Review, 30(2), 288–306.

Carmody, M. (2005). Ethical erotics: Reconceptualizing anti-rape education. Sexualities, 8(4), 465–480.

Garcia, S. M., Weaver, K., Moskowitz, G. B., & Darley, J. M. (2002). Crowded minds: The implicit bystander effect. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 83(4), 843–853.

McDonald, P., Charlesworth, S., & Graham, T. (2016). Action or inaction: Bystander intervention in workplace sexual harassment. International Journal of Human Resource Management, 27(5), 548–566.

McMahon, S., & Banyard, V. L. (2012). When can I help? A conceptual framework for the prevention of sexual violence through bystander intervention. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 13(1), 3–14.

Rayner, C., & Bowes-Sperry, L. (2008, June). Mobilizing bystanders to intervene in workplace bullying. In The 6th International Conference on Workplace Bullying.

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01 NovStudent Advocate

Bystander moves on the job: How to help your students intervene in professional settings

by Chamonix Adams Porter0 Comments
Reading Time: 3 minutes

When it comes to preventing sexual harassment and assault, small actions can make a big difference. When students see disrespect or pressure, they can practice “bystander intervention”: stepping in to reinforce community values and prevent harm. This isn’t a new or complicated skill. Most students already intervene often: checking in on a friend or speaking up when people make hurtful comments.

Administrators, faculty, and staff can encourage students to intervene in a wide range of situations, particularly professional ones.

Students may worry about intervening in professional settings such as internships, work-study placements, or part-time jobs. They are likely to hold low-status positions and may worry about the consequences of speaking up, especially if the power dynamic is uneven. It’s important to emphasize that there are many ways to effectively intervene and that they can use the skills they’ve already been practicing in social situations in new contexts, including professional environments.

Emphasize to students that they should expect to feel safe and respected at all times in the workplace and can help ensure that others feel the same way. Here are some ideas:

  • Work with offices that manage work-study and internship placements to give students clear expectations of appropriate workplace behavior. Ensure that students are familiar with support resources, such as Title IX coordinators (for on-campus jobs) or Human Resources representatives.
  • Remind students that the most effective interventions are often small, subtle, and even unnoticed. Emphasize the value of checking in with a person who is being targeted, not participating in harmful behavior, or redirecting conversation back to work matters. These small changes can have a surprisingly large impact.
  • Encourage students to intervene when the stakes are still low. It’s much easier to intervene when situations are relatively low stakes, such as before a disrespectful comment becomes a pattern. Casual disrespect can escalate to become more seriously harmful.
  • Teach students that intervention is a part of professionalism. Students who are attentive to the people around them and take steps to ensure that their workplaces are respectful are better employees. Present bystander intervention as a part of professional development, and let students know that they will use these skills throughout their careers.

To learn more about bystander intervention, check out Cornell University’s bystander initiative, “Intervene,” that includes videos, resources, and workshop materials. This interactive training, useful for both undergraduate and graduate students, offers concrete strategies for intervening in a wide range of social, academic, and professional settings.

Strategies developed by the Communication and Consent Educator program at Yale University.

[school_resource sh101resources=’no’ category=’mobileapp,healthservices, wellnesspromotion, counselingservices, titleix’] Get help or find out more

“Intervene” video and resources on bystander intervention: Cornell University

Brochure on effective intervention strategies: Yale University

Article sources

Jeanine Dames, JD, director of office of career strategy, Yale University, Connecticut.

Laura Santacrose, MPH, assistant director, Skorton Center for Health Initiatives, Cornell University, New York.

Banyard, V. L. (2011). Who will help prevent sexual violence: Creating an ecological model of bystander intervention. Psychology of Violence, 1(3),216–229.

Banyard, V. L., Plante, E. G., & Moynihan, M. M. (2004). Bystander education: Bringing a broader community perspective to sexual violence prevention. Journal of Community Psychology, 32(1), 61–79.

Bennett, S., Banyard, V. L., & Garnhart, L. (2014). To act or not to act, that is the question? Barriers and facilitators of bystander intervention. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 29(3), 476–496.

Bowes-Sperry, L., & O’Leary-Kelly, A. M. (2005). To act or not to act: The dilemma faced by sexual harassment observers. Academy of Management Review, 30(2), 288–306.

Carmody, M. (2005). Ethical erotics: Reconceptualizing anti-rape education. Sexualities, 8(4), 465–480.

Garcia, S. M., Weaver, K., Moskowitz, G. B., & Darley, J. M. (2002). Crowded minds: The implicit bystander effect. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 83(4), 843.

McDonald, P., Charlesworth, S., & Graham, T. (2016). Action or inaction: Bystander intervention in workplace sexual harassment. International Journal of Human Resource Management, 27(5), 548–566.

McMahon, S., & Banyard, V. L. (2012). When can I help? A conceptual framework for the prevention of sexual violence through bystander intervention. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 13(1), 3–14.

Rayner, C., & Bowes-Sperry, L. (2008, June). Mobilizing bystanders to intervene in workplace bullying. In The 6th International Conference on Workplace Bullying.

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01 OctCommunicationFeaturedRelationshipsRomantic relationshipsSexual assault and harassmentSexual culture

What enthusiastic consent actually looks like—and why you should hold out for it

by Chamonix Adams Porter0 Comments

Reading Time: 8 minutes When it comes to sexual encounters, we should strive not just for consent but enthusiastic consent. Learn the difference and why it’s worth holding out.

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01 OctStudent Advocate

Clarifying affirmative consent and moving beyond consent to enthusiasm

by Chamonix Adams Porter0 Comments
Reading Time: 5 minutes

Sometimes, people dismiss “affirmative consent” as a series of awkward verbal questions: “May I put my hand on your leg? What about on your thigh?” But this isn’t realistic to how people actually communicate.

In everyday life, we’re skilled at picking up on subtle verbal and nonverbal signals of agreement and refusal. For example, when we ask someone for a favor, it’s easy to tell whether they are agreeing or refusing. If the signals are mixed or confusing—that is, if the situation is ambiguous—it’s easy to spot that as well.

Agreement looks like...

Verbal signs

  • Brief, direct answers, such as “Sure!”
  • Concrete planning (e.g., “I’d love to! When?”)

Body language

  • Direct eye contact
  • A step toward you
  • Nodding and smiling
  • Initiating action

Disagreement looks like...

Verbal signs

  • Long, indirect answers with pauses, such as “Oh, I’d love toâ€Ķbut I actually have to finish a paper…”

Body language

  • Avoiding eye contact
  • Looking closed off
  • Leaning away
Research shows we use the same everyday signals—both verbal and nonverbal—to communicate interest in sexual situations as we do in everyday life. For example, study participants reported easily being able to understand their partner’s subtle, nonverbal forms of agreement and refusal during casual sexual encounters, according to a 2010 study of 21 young adults published in Culture, Health, and Sexuality. They also described interpreting these cues in the same way they would interpret agreement and refusal in nonsexual social encounters.

By drawing students’ attention to their ability to interpret signals of agreement and refusal, we can demonstrate that consent is straightforward.

Moving beyond consent to enthusiasm

While consent is a critical baseline, we can encourage our students to aspire for more. All their interactions need to be consensual, but they should also be engaged, wanted, and enthusiastic. Building communities in which sexual respect is the norm may reduce the risk of sexual violence by making manipulation and disrespect stand out more clearly. And, of course, a positive sexual and social culture will lead to better outcomes for everyone.

Foster a culture of enthusiastic consent by providing opportunities for communication and reflection

When speaking with students about sexual consent, emphasize the importance of genuine conversations about desire. You can help make these conversations more likely by giving students opportunities to think about and articulate what they want, both sexually and socially.

Collage of three romantic couples

Give students time and space to reflect on what they want at social gatherings

  • At dances or campus-sponsored parties, try setting up quiet, well-lit areas with comfortable chairs. With very little prompting, students will come to these areas to take a break from the dance floor and catch up with their dates or friends.
  • Before large campus events, try setting up bulletin boards where students can share one thing that they’re looking forward to about the event. This gives students a chance to reflect on their desires and reminds them that there are many ways to be social.
  • Whenever possible, emphasize that students make different choices about intimacy, sex, and romance. Consider creating avenues for upperclassmen to share stories about how they’ve navigated social life at college (e.g., in the school newspaper or via a student panel) to demonstrate the diversity of their choices to younger students.

Help students reflect on their desires

We can help students reach enthusiastic encounters by prompting them to think about what they want from intimacy, romance, sex, and love. While some of these questions are deeply personal, much of this reflection happens in a community setting. Try building questions about intimacy into moments where students reflect on their values, such as during first-year seminars, group meetings, or leadership trainings.

Encourage questions, such as:

  • What am I looking for from sex and romance? How has that changed over time?
  • What are my core values about how I treat other people? How can I live those out?
  • What kind of values do we, as a community, hold about sexuality? How can we create a campus where everyone feels respected and supported in their choices?

Some of these questions are best answered privately, but even in a group setting, you can use writing exercises to enable internal reflection. In an appropriate setting, these questions can also be good starting points for group discussion.

[school_resource sh101resources=’no’ category=’mobileapp,counselingservices, studentsucess, studentsucess, helpdesk’] Get help or find out more

Sexual empowerment webinars & info: Amy Jo Goddard

What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety: Jaclyn Friedman (Seal Press, 2011)

Be the change you want to see in the bedroom: Reid Mihalko

Communication and Consent Educators: Yale University

Support with consent skills (contact Adult Services): Asperger/Autism Network [AANE]

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

Article sources

 

Melanie Boyd, PhD, assistant dean in student affairs; lecturer in women’s, gender, and sexuality studies, Yale University, Connecticut.

Isabelle HÃĐnault, PhD, director, Clinique Autisme et Asperger de MontrÃĐal, Quebec.

Twanna A. Hines, sexuality writer at https://funkybrownchick.com/.

Beres, M. (2010). Sexual miscommunication? Untangling assumptions about sexual communication between casual sex partners. Culture, Health & Sexuality, 12(1), 1–14.

Beres, M. A. (2014). Rethinking the concept of consent for anti-sexual violence activism and education. Feminism & Psychology, 24(3), 373–389.

Beres, M. A., Senn, C. Y., & McCaw, J. (2014). Navigating ambivalence: How heterosexual young adults make sense of desire differences. Journal of Sex Research, 51(7), 765–776.

Boyd, M. (2014, December 17). The case for affirmative consent [Blog post]. Huffington Post. Retrieved from https://www.huffingtonpost.com/melanie-boyd/the-case-for-affirmative-consent_b_6312476.html

Carmody, M. (2003). Sexual ethics and violence prevention. Social & Legal Studies, 12(2), 199–216. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1177/0964663903012002003

Friedman, J. (2011). What you really really want: The smart girl’s shame-free guide to sex and safety. Berkeley, CA: Seal Press.

Friedman, J., & Valenti, J. (2008). Yes means yes: Visions of female sexual power and a world without rape. Berkeley, CA: Seal Press.

Grasgreen, A. (2013, June 5). Yale program to shift sexual assault culture goes beyond rape prevention. Inside Higher Ed. Retrieved from https://www.insidehighered.com/news/2013/06/05/yale-program-shift-sexual-assault-culture-goes-beyond-rape-prevention

Halley, J. (2016). The move to affirmative consent. Signs: Journal of Women in Culture and Society, 42(1), 257-279.

Kimmel, M., & Steinem, G. (2014, September 4). Michael Kimmel and Gloria Steinem on consensual sex on campus. New York Times. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/05/opinion/michael-kimmel-and-gloria-steinem-on-consensual-sex-on-campus.html

Kitzinger, C., & Frith, H. (1999). Just say no? The use of conversation analysis in developing a feminist perspective on sexual refusal. Discourse & Society, 10(3), 293–316.

Kramer Bussel, R. (2008). Beyond yes or no: Consent as sexual process. In J. Friedman & J. Valenti (Eds.), Yes means yes: Visions of female sexual power and a world without rape (43–52). Berkeley, CA: Seal Press.

McDonough, K. (2014, September 5). Gloria Steinem on consent and sexual assault: “Since when is hearing ‘yes’ a turnoff?” Salon. Retrieved from https://www.salon.com/2014/09/05/gloria_steinem_on_consent_and_sexual_assault_since_when_is_hearing_yes_a_turnoff/

O’Byrne, R., Hansen, S., & Rapley, M. (2007). If a girl doesn’t say “no…”: Young men, rape, and claims of insufficient knowledge. Journal of Community & Applied Social Psychology, 18(3), 168–193.

Steele, C. M., & Josephs, R. A. (1990). Alcohol myopia: Its prized and dangerous effects. American Psychologist, 45(8), 921.

Walker-Wells, E. (2016, October 1). Get empowered: Finding yourself in dating and in life. Student Health 101 High School. Retrieved from https://demonstration.getsh101.com/finding-yourself-in-dating-and-life/

Walker-Wells, E. (2016, April 1). Let’s talk about sex: How to share what you both want. Student Health 101. Retrieved from https://publicsite.readsh101.net/talk-about-sex/

Yale CCEs. (n.d.). “Myth of miscommunication” workshops. Yale University. Retrieved from https://cce.yalecollege.yale.edu/myth-miscommunication-workshops

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