Reading Time: < 1 minutes A health educator explains how to deal with competition in a relationship.
Reading Time: 8 minutes Our “sexpert” answers your questions on how to talk to your partner about sexual history, STI/STD status, and having safer (and enjoyable) sex.
Reading Time: 2 minutes A counselor explains how to kindly deal with someone who has feelings for you when you don’t feel the same way.
Reading Time: 8 minutes Experts answers students’ questions about STIs.
Reading Time: 2 minutes A health educator offers advice on what to do if you’re feeling pressure to be sexually active.
Reading Time: 2 minutes Sometimes you can tell in your gut if your relationship is going well. But other times, it’s not so easy to figure out.
—Malik W., San Bernardino Valley College, California
This is a very important question to bring up. The stigmas surrounding getting tested for a sexually transmitted infection (STI)—also called sexually transmitted diseases (STD)—can be difficult to confront, yet it can be done. Here’s how.
Talk about why it's important.
Shift focus from “You might have an STI” to “It’s just a precaution.” For example, explain to your partner that this is the best way to protect each other from infections or any lifelong illnesses. That might help them realize there’s nothing to be defensive about.
Offer to get tested with them.
And then share your results with each other. This lets your partner know that you want to protect each other.
Make a pact to get tested regularly.
This shows your partner that this is a step in taking care of each other. It can also show respect and that you don’t want to unknowingly infect each other.
Halt any sexual activity until you’ve both been tested.
Let them know you’re not comfortable having sex or hooking up unless they’re willing to get tested. It’s important not to compromise your values of how you take care of yourself on someone who’s unwilling to take care of themselves or consider the effects on you.
It’s not uncommon for people to get defensive when asked to get a test like this. STIs have a lot of stigma associated with them. Because of that, some people think that being asked to get tested means they’re perceived as “dirty” or that they’re “sleeping around.”
But STI testing is highly recommended for college-aged students who are sexually active. According to the CDC, people between the ages of 15 and 24 account for half of all the 19 million new STIs that are transmitted each year. While some STIs have symptoms, most do not. Many people don’t know that they’re infected until they get tested. This is why testing is so important.
For more information, check out the following:
—Cris M.*, Georgia Gwinnett College
I get a lot of questions about the pullout method, also known as coitus interruptus or the withdrawal method. It’s the third most commonly used form of birth control among college students, according to the National College Health Assessment survey (fall 2015, involving 90,000 students).
The short answer: Yes, pulling out can prevent pregnancies on its own, when used correctly. But it isn’t the most effective form of birth control. If you’re using this method, it’s best to use it in conjunction with another form of contraception to decrease the likelihood of unintended pregnancy.
Here’s what you need to know:
The effectiveness of the pullout is dependent on using the method correctly
When not used correctly, 27 women out of 100 who rely on pulling out will become pregnant each year, according to Planned Parenthood. However, when withdrawal is done perfectly, those unplanned pregnancies are reduced to about 4 out of 100 women each year. In other words, if you are not using another method of birth control, it’s extremely important to use withdrawal correctly.
How to ‘pull out’ the right way
Many errors can occur while using the pullout method. The most important thing to keep in mind is to avoid having ejaculate fluid come into contact with the vulva (the outside of the vagina) or the vagina. This includes pre-ejaculate fluid, also known as pre-cum, as pre-cum can contain viable sperm that could cause pregnancy.
Being able to pull out prior to ejaculation is something that a man needs to know how to do. As a sex educator, I’m not in the business of telling people what to do unless it’s to prevent harm to themselves or others. That said, for this method to be used correctly, a man must understand his body and pull out prior to ejaculation.
To master this technique, a man can masturbate alone. This helps him understand his body and what it feels like for him right before ejaculation. It’s important to practice this several times before trying it out with a partner. If a man isn’t comfortable with masturbation, using another form of contraception instead of the pullout method might make more sense. Understanding how the body feels prior to ejaculation is crucial to withdrawing correctly.
Communication is also key for the pullout method to work. Being able to talk about where a person is going to “pull out” to ejaculate is important, as well as when to stop stimulation so that the person has time to withdraw before ejaculating outside the body.
The downsides of pulling out
There are many opportunities for pulling out to fail. This can be a difficult contraception method to implement. It requires knowledge of the body and the ability to pull out despite distractions. While masturbation can help a male to understand his body, it isn’t guaranteed. Plus, pulling out provides no protection from sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
How else can you prevent pregnancy?
Many forms of contraception are more effective than the pullout method. In fact, it’s even better to use the pullout method in addition to another form of birth control, to further decrease the risk of unintended pregnancy. For example, if a man puts on a condom before pre-ejaculatory fluid (pre-cum) is released, and then pulls out, ejaculating outside of the body in the condom, no sperm will come into contact with the vulva or vagina.
—Carson G., University of North Dakota
First, it’s important to define sex. Sex can be with yourself (masturbation) or with others. It’s a consensual act between partners engaging in any agreed-upon activity. Here are some of the physical benefits:
Sex is a form of exercise—though it may not be as rigorous as some other aerobic activities. Sex can get the heart rate up and it requires the use of various muscles. While I’m not suggesting that we use sex as an alternative to workouts, it can supplement them.
Reduced risk of certain diseases
Fun fact: Males who ejaculate frequently (at least 21 times a month) are less likely to develop prostate cancer, studies suggest. While the research isn’t complete, there is no known harm associated with ejaculating this often. Unless masturbation takes a person away from work, academics, commitments, relationships, or friendships, it’s healthy.
Increased bladder control
This has been shown for women. Sex can be a good workout for the pelvic floor muscles, because contractions of those muscles before and during orgasm can help strengthen them. That strengthening protects against incontinence, or the loss of bladder control, which affects about three in ten women during their lives.
Orgasms can help reduce pain from migraines or cluster headaches, according to a 2013 study in the journal Cephalalgia.
Relaxation and sleep
Various studies have shown that sex (including masturbation) can help reduce stress and assist with sleep. There’s some research to suggest that sex can help lower blood pressure (one study specifically states that this benefit comes from sex with a partner).
Protection from overwork
People who have less sex tend to accept more assignments at work, compensating for their frustration, according to a study by German researchers.
—Stephanie G., Mount Royal University, Alberta
This age-old question has been around since, well, since we’ve had relationships! It’s relatively easy to take one another for granted and stop appreciating each other. People can get stuck in routines and have difficulty remembering to have fun together.
There are many great ideas to get the “spark” back. Here are a few:
- Discuss “your story;” how you started your relationship
- Do something together you haven’t done before (if it’s sexual, you obviously need consent from everyone involved)
- Discuss what you appreciate and admire about each other
- Be intentional about spending quality time together; be sure to make time for connecting with one another
- If you’re comfortable, discuss your fantasies together; see if you’re interested in exploring any of them
- Slow down and take time to look into each other’s eyes and see the person you had a spark for
- Do something simple for your partner, such as leaving a loving or sexy note
- Notice the little things that you each do for the other—and tell one another that you appreciate it
- Discuss what you like about each other; this can be as simple as a smile
Keep in mind that relationships have their ups and downs, which means our feelings can change over time. Just because a spark may not be currently present doesn’t mean that it won’t be rekindled at a later date.