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The process of surviving sexual assault, sexual abuse, and other traumatic experiences is unique to each individual and can be difficult to predict. “There’s no right way to heal after an assault,” says Carmen Hotvedt, assistant director for violence prevention at the University of Wisconsin in Madison.

If you’re a survivor of trauma, those around you may have expectations about how you should react and how long your recovery should take. It’s important to develop strategies that fit with your own priorities, circumstances, and needs. “Sexual assault victims have so much power taken from them in their victimization, unfortunately, sometimes even in their paths to healing,” says Hotvedt. Here, students—women and men, gay and straight—describe what helps them in the aftermath of sexual assault and abuse.

Student survivors share what helps

“I called a helpline”
“[I was sexually assaulted by my former mentor] after I started identifying as gay at 19. After being called to court so many times, I felt like I was reliving the assault each time. One prosecutor even suggested that because I came out as gay, I was asking for it. Throughout the process and for some time after, I made calls to the Trevor Project, a helpline for teens and young adults in crisis. It helped having someone to talk to who wasn’t going to judge me, and learning that it wasn’t my fault.

“One night when I couldn’t get past my assault, the woman on the phone suggested I hike out in nature, so that I wouldn’t have to be around too many people and could get some exercise in. She explained that if I didn’t get out and do something, I would keep reliving the event, which was… keeping me powerless. She also said that making decisions about where to go and what to do would help me relearn that I had power over my own body, actions, and life. Through time and the Trevor Project, I saw my confidence come back. The man got a fine and house arrest and had to register as a sex offender. It took me about two years before I was finally past it.”
—Undergraduate, Ohio

“I talk with a counselor”
“I wasn’t doing well. My roommate, who is a social work major, pushed me to go to the campus counseling service, to make sure I was making decisions that were best for me. They talked me through what happened and my next steps. The same psychologist was by my side the whole time, making sure I was OK. They had me get a physical and do STI tests, but their main goal was to get me talking and for me to regain my body-to-mind connection, which tends to get distorted when you get traumatized.

“The most comforting thing about them was that they didn’t pressure me to talk or do anything that didn’t feel comfortable. The most important advice they gave me was to realize what happened and to work on getting better. Cliché, I know. But when something like sexual assault happens, you can’t just block it out. By ignoring it, you prolong the healing process. I still check in with them once a week to tell them how I’m progressing and the successes and struggles of the week.”
—Undergraduate, Temple University, Pennsylvania

“I got justice through the legal system”
“The other guys on the team labeled me gay, homo, fag…Each guy held me down and took his turn forcing me to do things I did not want to do. What’s important is seeking closure within yourself. The only reason I can wake from the nightmare is because I took it upon myself to [file charges against] every single one of them. I made sure that they either spent time in jail or were charged a huge chunk of money. Although someone might not understand what you’re going through, you need to tell someone. You need to report what happened, who, when, where, everything, to the best of your abilities.”
—Second-year undergraduate, University of New Brunswick, Fredericton

“I work on self-care and creativity”
“When bad things happen to me, I tend to hold back or hide my emotions. Sometimes, having an outlet can let you express the feelings you don’t necessarily want to feel. Theater and singing require you to portray emotion and live in the moment. They let me express my feelings without exposing myself too much, and this helped me recuperate. Whether your outlet is exercise, theater, or crafts, it lets your mind give out steam, even if you aren’t ready to face those emotions.”
—Undergraduate, Temple University, Pennsylvania 

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Got a lot on your plate? Feeling overwhelmed? Some worry is normal, but if your anxiety is persistent, overwhelming, and includes a dread of everyday situations, it’s time to take action. If anxiety interferes with your daily routine, you may have an anxiety disorder.

The anxious campus:
Colleges are reporting increases in the rate and severity of emotional health problems, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). The most common issue on campuses is anxiety. That’s partly about demographics: Of the forty million adults in the US who have an anxiety disorder, three out of four experienced their first episode by age 22, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA).

What anxiety can mean for students:
Emotional health issues are linked to lower GPAs and a higher risk of dropping out, according to Active Minds, a non-profit organization that encourages students to speak out about mental health.

In 2011, 62 percent of students who withdrew from college with emotional health problems did so because of anxiety, reports NAMI.

Concerns about stigma are the primary reason for not seeking help, says NAMI.

What’s the difference?

Stress:

Your challenges exceed your resources
Situation: Your exam is in two hours
Fear: “I need another day to study”

Anxiety:

Your thinking becomes catastrophic and less rational
Situation: Your significant other is losing interest
Fear: “I’ll be alone for the rest of my life.”

Anxiety disorder:

Your life becomes impacted by this ‘brain noise’
Situation: Your academic and social life take a serious hit
Fear: “I can’t function—I feel like I’m dying.”
Examples from Dr. Eric Goodman, clinical psychologist

A student’s story: overwhelmed by demands

Jordan, 26, University of California, Irvine

How it started
“A lot of my family suffer from mental health disorders, so I feel like I was predisposed. My junior year was a turning point in recognizing it. I had a lot on my plate and had never handled stress well. I was in positions of leadership, combined with classes, the pressure of being a first-generation college student, and a scholarship contingent on me doing well.”

How it manifested
“My heart would race, my body temperature would change, and I couldn’t think clearly. I couldn’t go through the process of finding help. A lot of times I’d just not do assignments. If I was feeling anxious, I’d cancel on friends and stop going to class.”

What helped
Jordan started working with a school psychologist who regularly attended meetings of the Black Student Union (which Jordan chaired). “Without him I probably would’ve been dead. He gave me the language to understand myself and what I was experiencing. Meeting with him once a week kept me in it, helped me fight it.”

The psychologist linked Jordan to health services. “Having someone there who I was already in with helped. Sometimes he even scheduled the appointment. When I wasn’t in those moments of anxiety I wasn’t really trying to find help. I didn’t feel I needed to.” Jordan was diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder, and was prescribed medication.

Where he’s at
Today Jordan still struggles, albeit with a greater knowledge of his anxiety and strategies to manage it. He takes dancing classes five days a week. He took time off from school, and hopes to finish his degree soon. “Today I went to work, danced, and now I’m talking about anxiety. These are all positive things.”

A student’s story: phobia strikes

Frances, 27, University of New Haven, Connecticut

How it started
“The weekend before I went to Cape Verde with a friend, I got a stomach bug and had to be hospitalized. Later, on the plane, I couldn’t keep anything down and began to freak out.”

How it manifested
“I’m 30,000 feet in the air, my heart is racing, I couldn’t stop shaking. Back in the US, I still couldn’t shake the feeling. I was passing on some great travel opportunities.”

What helped
“I tried medication, which helped, but I hated that I had to take a drug to do something I’ve always enjoyed.” Eventually, Frances visited a therapist. “I was very reluctant and wouldn’t even tell people. I grew up with immigrants who  had it so hard; We don’t complain or have time to talk to each other about our issues. People are just trying to survive.”

Where she’s at
“I love my therapist and tell everyone about him now. He taught me relaxation exercises and helped me accept that the anxiety may never go away, but that I need to deal with it. I can now travel like before, still with anxiety, but with the tools to help me deal with it.”

How to tell if you or a friend might need help