How to have the best back-to-school transition
Reading Time: 5 minutes A recent graduate reflects on what transition angst feels like, and our counselor suggests resources and strategies that help.
Reading Time: 5 minutes A recent graduate reflects on what transition angst feels like, and our counselor suggests resources and strategies that help.
Reading Time: 11 minutes Social events are an important part of the college experience. Whether you’re a host or a guest, here’s how to make your next gathering fun for everyone.
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Going to a party? Or throwing one? Party-throwers and party-goers play a vital role in shaping the sexual culture of your campus. Party-throwers are the social engineers who design the spaces in which students meet, dance, talk, and sometimes drink or hook up. A well-planned environment helps everyone to make mindful decisions. And as a party guest, you can do a lot to make this easier for your host and more fun for yourself and others. Every time you demonstrate mutual respect, you reduce the likelihood of campus sexual assault and/or alcohol poisoning. Hereâs how to throw a great party and be a great guest.
The minimum legal age for consuming alcohol in the US is 21.
Set the tone
How you talk about a party can go a long way in helping your guests imagine what it will be like. What’s the tone or vibe you want for your party? For example:
Set expectations
Are there “house rules” you want your guests to know about? For example:
Set a friendly tone
Consider explicitly assigning someone (or a few people) the task of greeting guests and inviting them in.
House rules
If there’s stuff your guests need to know, like when this thing is shutting down, consider posting it in the entryway.
Check in with arriving guests
Are they arriving alone? Slurring their words? Wobbly on their feet? You might want to check in with someone’s friends, get them medical attention, or not serve them any more alcohol.
Send people home safely
Make sure your guests have a safe way to get home. Check in with them as they leave. Post info about taxi and ride services, as well as medical response resources in case of accidents or alcohol poisoning.
Here’s why that works out better for you:
Check in with your neighbors
Check in with your campus security department
Check campus policies and state laws
Not everyone has fun the same way all the time.
Dance space
When you’re putting together the playlist or choosing entertainers or DJs, think about how well they fit your values and priorities for the party. Avoid music that seems derogatory or aggressive.
Chill space
Provide a quieter, more well-lit space where your guests can hang out, catch their breath, and talk. Play softer music. It’s a good idea to stock this space with cold water bottles and low-salt, high-protein snacks.
A set-up that makes room for conversation will help your guests communicate more clearly. This is especially important if two people are considering going home together.
Think about adding activities (apart from dancing) that don’t involve alcohol, like JengaÂŪ, board games, and trivia.
If there are isolated spaces in your party venue, decide whether or not to keep them open and accessible.
If not: Lock the door, rope off the space, and/or hang signs saying the space is closed.
If you keep isolated areas open, assign someone the task of checking in on those spaces throughout the party.
Get medical help in case of alcohol poisoning
Take a moment to familiarize yourself with the medical response resources available on your campus or in your community. If everything goes according to plan, your guests will drink safely and won’t need to use them.
Any of the following symptoms indicates alcohol poisoning
Call for medical help immediately:
Handle difficult guests
Keep your cool. Controlling tone and body language can be tricky, but it’s crucial to prevent the situation from escalating further.
Make yourself noticeable
Pick a certain color, a silly hat, or a large pin (“Here to help!”). This lets guests know where to turn if anything comes up. If a large group is throwing the party, consider trading off “hosting duties” through the evening.
Model supportive social dynamics
Party-throwers are especially attuned to the general mood. You get to take the lead on looking out for one another and treating guests with respect. If you drink alcohol, stop after one or two.
Make the rounds
Introduce people and troubleshoot issues as they come up.
Check isolated spaces, such as bedrooms, closets, and yards.
Subtly disrupt uncomfortable situations
Maybe a guest is getting unwanted attention or someone is pressuring others to drink. It’s your party: You can check in whenever you notice something, no matter how small. The most effective interventions happen early and subtly. Distract people, change the topic, make a joke or an introduction.
If you plan to serve alcohol, aim for an environment in which everyone can make mindful, deliberate choices about whether they want to drink and how much. A successful party does not have to involve alcohol.
If you serve alcohol:
For guests, this set up makes drinking an active choice rather than a default. It’s easier for people to count their drinks over the course of the evening.
Designated servers are awesome at these party skills:
Many campuses and community organizations offer classes on bartending skills and safe serving practicesâoften for free.
Notice the tone
The invitation (whatever form it takes) should give you some idea of what your hosts have in mind. Big house party? Chill get-together?
Respect their house rules
Validate the hosts’ trust in you. They might want to keep certain areas off-limits, or they may need to end things at a certain hour.
Plan ahead
Think about what you want out of the party. If alcohol will be served: Do you want to drink? How much? You can have a great time at any party without drinking any alcohol. If you do plan to drink, a good rule of thumb is one standard drink every hour or 1Â― hours.
Be a good sport about the theme
If your hosts have gone through the trouble of coming up with a theme, do your best to play along. A good theme will make room for everyone to participate in whatever way they feel comfortable, so feel free to find your own.
Get in touch with your host at least a day in advance. Do they need help setting up? Or staying late to help clean up? This a great way to show your appreciation.
If you want to bring something, consider snacks (preferably low-salt and high-protein ones, like Greek yogurt dip or hummus with veggies) or mixers. These go quickly at parties, and your hosts will appreciate having extras.
Find the host when you arrive
You’re here to see them, and they’ll be happy to know you made it. Ask if they could use a hand with anything.
If you don’t know many people there, tell your host
They want you to have fun. They probably have a good sense of who you’ll get along with, and can introduce you.
If you see new faces in the room, say hello
Offer to show them around, and introduce them to other guests. You’ve been that newbieâremember the relief when someone made you feel welcome in a new space.
If you’re the newbie, branch out
Fun means different things to different people. Some people would rather hang out and talk than spend the night on the dance floor. Some people will be more comfortable getting physical than others. Whatever it is, pay attention to the cues you’re getting, and respect them.
If you notice a troubling dynamic, think about how best to step in
Perhaps you notice someone experiencing unwanted attention or being pressured to drink more than they want to. Maybe you see some broken glass or someone in need of medical attention.
Whatever it is, there’s always something you can do
This is your community, and you play an important role in making it a positive and supportive one. You could:
If you’re worried that your friend is pressuring others
This can be a great opportunity for a stealthy interventionâfor example, by joining a conversation or people on the dance floor. If you’re close to your friend, you can always demand that they consult you about something important in the other room.
People have different limits when it comes to alcohol
Many people make the decision not to drink alcohol at all. Pressuring someone to drink beyond their limit puts them at risk and creates more work for your host. That guest who drinks too much may get sick, need medical attention, or be unable to get home safely.
Trust your own limits
Be especially cautious if you are stressed or sleep-deprived, taking medication, have alcohol misuse in your family, or have diabetes. If you’ve chosen to drink alcohol, remember to pace yourself so that you’re sober enough to enjoy the party and the company of your friends. Tips for drinking safely:
Include people who don’t want to drink
Thank the host for a great party
Ask if they need anything before you head out: Can you lend a hand cleaning up? Can you walk someone home or give them a ride?
Don’t leave your host in the lurch
If your host is dealing with drunk or unruly guests, ask what you can do to help. Maybe you could suggest that everyone head out for pizza, help find the stragglers’ friends, or offer them a ride home.
Thank your host
They’ll be happy to hear what you enjoyed. If their party planning supported different ways to have fun, say how much you appreciated it.
Check in with anyone you may have been concerned about at the party
How to party smart: Harvard Drug and Alcohol Peer Advisors
Skills for safe alcohol consumption: TIPS®
What you can do to help: Who Are You?
Find local services for sexual assault survivors: NotAlone.gov
Get active against sexual assault: Know Your IX
Bystander tips and training: University of Arizona (Step UP! Program)
Melanie Boyd, PhD, assistant dean in student affairs at Yale University; lecturer in women’s, gender, and sexuality studies.
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Smartphones are integrated into our livesâalmost as much as toothbrushes, textbooks, and cat videos. By 2013, nearly three out of four college students had a smartphone. âMeeting someone at college who doesnât own a smartphone is rare,â says Ally M., a third-year student at the University of Illinois in Urbana-Champaign.
To get a sense of what this means for campus life, look around. We have our eyes and thumbs on our smartphonesâin class, on the bus, even when socializing with friends. Weâre checking, tweeting, posting, and uploading. Are our smartphones facilitating campus connections, or displacing them?
While weâre maintaining old relationships, our smartphones can cost us the chance to form new ones, says Dr. Fjola Helgadottir, a psychologist at Oxford University, UK. âAttending college can be a challenging time, especially for shy first-years. They are exposed to many new social situations and are expected to meet new people and develop new friendshipsââoften within within the first month, she says. If youâre living in the digital world instead of on campus, you could miss that key period of social opportunity.
âDuring my first year at college I found my smartphone to be a major distraction during orientation and events,â says Alex B., a third-year student at the University of Buffalo, New York. âI was too busy trying to document what was happening on social media and keeping up with what others were doing that I wasnât able to fully enjoy being in the present.â
One in twenty students who responded to a recent CampusWell survey said their smartphone had been an obstacle to their participation in campus life. An additional one in five said their smartphone was useful but limiting at times.
âI was so busy trying to document what was happening on social media that I wasnât able to fully enjoy the present.â
Smartphones are a particular trap for shy or socially anxious students. âSome students use their smartphone as a way to cope with social situations,â says Dr. Helgadottir, who is co-founder of A1-Therapy, an online treatment program for overcoming social anxiety. âFor example, by using a smartphone you may be trying to project the image, âIâm not shy, Iâm just busy.ââ But being engrossed in our phone tells our peers weâre not up for conversation, or that our boyfriend from high school is still our priority.
âAs a result of being on your smartphone in social situations, you miss out on an opportunity to confront your fear, which is the best way to improve,â Dr. Helgadottir says. âAlso, when you are on your phone it may end up irritating other people, and this can cause them to judge you negativelyâwhich is what you were trying to avoid in the first place.â
The constant need to feel connected has become an anxiety symptom in its own rightâand the last thing we need at the start of the academic year is another reason to feel anxious. Nomophobia, the fear of being without your cell phone, and FoMO, the fear of missing out, are increasingly common among college students, according to recent research sponsored by SecurEnvoy, an internet security firm.
Smartphones can mess with our campus lives in other ways too. âSmartphones have a pretty clear and harmful effect on sleep,â says Dr. Christopher M. Barnes, an assistant professor of management at the University of Washington, DC. Late-night smartphone use is especially disruptive. âResearch indicates that sleep is a driver of mood and helping behavior, which are important components needed to engage in a healthy and involved campus life,â says Dr. Barnes.
When our smartphone is our friend, we have good reason to love it. We can connect easily with others online and keep in contact with family and old friends at different schools. Some research suggests smartphones can help us study more effectively. Just be sure yours is working with you, not against you.