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Being a person can be complicated. Being a perfectionistic person can be even more complicated. Those standards of yours? They’re so high you can’t see the top of them. It’s either perfect or it’s a problem. It sounds like a surefire way to succeed—as an honors student, in your top-of-the-industry internship, or at being the best in pretty much everything, right? Not really—because there’s a catch. Seeking unattainable perfection, and striving to avoid mistakes, equals serious stress—and that can cause problems with your health and academic performance.

We’re here to help—and so are our experts. We’ll break down the perfectionist basics and give you actionable, evidence-based tips for setting more realistic standards for yourself. Because self-imposed pressure can get in the way of a happy life. And that’s not OK. You ready?

What perfectionism is…and isn’t

Most of us are looking to do our best and are willing to put in the work to get there. So how can you tell when you’re being conscientious and when your drive to succeed is getting in your way? Wanting to be perfect is only part of it. The defining characteristic is a fear of making mistakes—and how you feel about yourself along the way, according to research by Dr. Thomas Greenspon published in Psychology in the Schools (2014).

“Hallmarks of perfectionism include an exaggerated concern over mistakes, lofty and unrealistic self-expectations, harsh and intense self-criticism, feeling other people need you to be perfect, and nagging doubts about performance abilities,” says Dr. Simon Sherry, a registered psychologist, researcher, and associate professor at Dalhousie University in Nova Scotia, Canada.

To make it more complicated, perfectionism looks different for everyone. But it comes from the same place, says Dr. Greenspon, and it often accompanies some less-than-great feelings about yourself and a troubling sense of hopelessness.

Here’s what perfectionism might look (and feel) like

Feeling less than Those who struggle with perfectionism often feel that they’re not good enough, according to Greenspon’s research, even if they never say it out loud. If they do happen to make some mistakes, perfectionistic people are likely to take that personally. Their slip-ups become reflections of themselves as people, not just of their performance or achievement. Every mistake feels like a character flaw, which increases the pressure to be exceptional and the despair when they mess up. “Anytime I am trying something new, I put a lot of pressure on myself, causing me to feel extremely inadequate with any sort of mistake I make in the process,” says Erin S.*, a first-year student at Wake Technical Community College in North Carolina.

Setting rigid rules Look, we all have to set some structure for ourselves, or else we’d end up in Netflix-land permanently. But perfectionistic people take that rule-setting to an extreme, one that can get in the way of daily functioning. This intense structure can lead to other stressful and time-consuming habits, such as over-checking work to excess or missing deadlines, according to research published in 2016 in JMIR Research Protocols.

Being inflexible Say your roommate wants to take a spontaneous hiking trip or your go-to spot in the library is taken. Those curveballs can be a problem for someone who’s dealing with perfectionism—they struggle to go with the flow. Their tried-and-true problem-solving method works for them, but only under certain circumstances. This inflexibility can be limiting and may also be a sign that something is off. Flexibility is an indicator of positive mental health, says Dr. Sarah Vinson, a child and adolescent psychiatrist in Georgia.

Procrastinating on assignments People struggling with perfectionism are often totally consumed with making sure that every last detail is perfect. While some may be horrified by the idea of missing a deadline, others might finish tests late, hand in assignments past deadline, or never finish them at all, according to the 2014 study published in Psychology in the Schools. Seem counterintuitive? Only at first glance. If you’re striving for a standard that you can’t hit, you’ll never fully be finished with a task. For some, this might mean spending too much time double-, triple-, and quadruple-checking work until deadlines have long passed. For others, the idea of handing in something that is “imperfect” is worse than handing in nothing at all. “It might feel easier to say you ran out of time than to admit that you couldn’t do it as perfectly as you wanted,” explains Dr. Keith Anderson, staff psychologist at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in New York.

How perfectionism can get in the way

Perfectionism is no joke, and neither are the feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that go along with it. It’s linked with burnout, which can zap your motivation, wipe you out, and keep you from doing your best. A meta-analysis of 43 studies found that those who struggled with “perfectionist concerns,” or being worried about making mistakes, feeling like there’s a big difference between their standards and their performance, or being concerned about looking imperfect in front of others, experienced increased feelings of burnout (Personality and Social Psychology Review, 2016).

Some people who struggle with perfectionism may also struggle with mental health conditions, according to the American Psychological Association. And those can be serious. Some potential effects of the pressure to be perfect include:[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”Anxiety” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left” google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Being perfectionistic makes you more vulnerable to anxiety, says Dr. Sherry. And the research backs this up. Feeling that mistakes make you inadequate can result in anxiety and shame, according to Greenspon’s research.

[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”Increased suicide risk” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left” google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Perfectionism is linked to an increased risk of suicide, according to a 2014 article in the Review of General Psychology.

[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”Body image issues” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left” google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Perfectionism, and the behaviors that go along with it, is associated with increased body dissatisfaction, which, for some, can lead to the development of disordered eating, according to a 2012 study in the Journal of Eating Disorders.

What you can do about it

It’s OK if you see yourself or your habits in some of this. In fact, the first step to challenging perfectionistic tendencies is to recognize that they’re there, so high five for self-awareness. If you’re ready to push back against your fear of making mistakes, here are four things you can try.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”1. Think process, not results” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left” google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]You’re in college to learn, not churn out flawless papers and perfect scores, and that means being an active part of the analytical process. Rather than focusing on how you’re doing (i.e., your performance), try focusing more on what you’re learning and stay engaged with the material, knowing that making mistakes is often critical in deepening your understanding. “Part of the college experience is learning to think independently and see things on a conceptual basis, and that’s hard to do if you’re so focused on getting every detail right all the time,” Dr. Vinson says.

[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”2. Change the conversation” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left” google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]“In high-pressure academic environments, there’s this culture of [competition around] who works the hardest. People brag about doing really well,” Dr. Vinson says. This can lead to an intense atmosphere that fuels perfectionistic traits and keeps you quiet when your experience differs from the stories you’re hearing. So tell a different story.

Try it: Talk openly with friends about the work you’re putting in, where you’re struggling, and the mistakes you’re making. Feeling anxious about an assignment that you didn’t do well on? Your roommate probably has similar stories. The more of those you hear, the more you realize that we’re all making mistakes, and that doesn’t make us less worthy.

To prevent people from attributing their shortcomings to personal flaws, and to draw attention to how much failure it takes to get where you want to go, a Princeton professor created a nontraditional résumé.

[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”3. Make a mistake on purpose” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left” google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Yup, we went there. So much of perfectionism is about this fear of making a wrong move. And one way to deal with fear is to face it head-on—by making a few intentional and noncritical errors here and there, according to a guide to perfectionism created by Dr. Glenn Hirsch, director of student counseling services at the University of Minnesota. Psychologists call this exposure therapy. (The rest of us call it courageously superhuman.)

Try it: Keep your intentional slip-ups small: Wear your t-shirt with the bleach stain on it to grab pizza with friends. Be a few minutes late to a club meeting. Send an email with an intentional grammatical error. Once you see that making mistakes doesn’t mean instant catastrophe, you might be able to ease up on the pressure you put on yourself. And that can be liberating.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”4. Commit to cutting back—just a little” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left” google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]When you’re deep in perfectionistic territory, you’re triple-checking your triple-checks, rereading a two-line email for two hours, or putting in a crushing amount of study time for a five-question quiz. One way to work against this is to cut back in tiny ways over time rather than trying to stop your perfectionistic patterns all at once, suggests Dr. Hirsch. This is a behavior change staple because it works.

Try it: Take your eight-hour window of quiz-studying to six—and then stick to it. Maybe next time, knock it down to five. Pay attention to how you feel as you’re making the adjustments and see how that changes over time. The point isn’t to lower your standards, but instead to get them to a point that feels less soul-crushing and more realistic.

If you’re still struggling, that’s OK

If you’re feeling bogged down by perfectionism, reach out to a counselor or therapist at your school or in your community. Because perfectionistic people have a hard time admitting when they’re not feeling perfect, this may not feel easy. But it’s so worth a try. Dr. Greenspon describes moving past perfectionism as a recovery process, one that involves adjusting your worldview and sense of reality. Let’s be real: This is a big shift. It takes some work and time to rebuild your sense of yourself independent from pure achievement. Here are some treatment options to talk through with a professional.

Radically open-dialectical behavioral therapy (RO-DBT): RO-DBT is a therapy for people who struggle with “emotional over-control” that teaches strategies to increase flexibility, openness, and communication in social situations, according to research published in 2015 in the American Journal of Psychotherapy.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT is a therapy that teaches you how to transform unhealthy, negative thoughts into positive thoughts and behaviors.

Visit or call your counseling center to chat with a therapist, or use this tool from Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) for help finding one in your area.

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Climbing into the lifeguard chair for the summer? Decorating your cubicle at your new internship? In a recent survey by SH101, two out of three students who responded said they expected to have at least one job or internship this summer. Whatever you’re doing, for whatever reason, it’s worth strategizing about ways you can use the experience to develop leadership skills.

Why leadership? Two reasons: First, employers love leadership. Four out of five employers look for leadership skills on new college graduates’ résumés, according to the Job Outlook 2016 survey by the National Association of Colleges and Employers. Second, “leadership” is broad enough that you can potentially find ways to demonstrate relevant characteristics and skills in any situation, including working as a lifeguard or camp counselor. For more comprehensive resources, and to make your summer work on your résumé, see Get help or find out more.

What counts as leadership?

Here’s why it’s worth getting comfortable with the idea of yourself as a potential leader. Not all leaders have the title “president” or boss other people around. Leadership is about having influence and inspiring others to take productive action. When you think about leadership, remember these key points:

• Leadership takes many different forms, and not all of them are readily apparent.
• Leadership spans many skill sets and personality types.
• Anyone can learn to lead, even in unconventional situations.

[/vc_column_text][vc_tta_accordion shape=”square” c_icon=”chevron” active_section=”” collapsible_all=”true”][vc_tta_section title=”What skills are relevant to leadership?” tab_id=”1501521859510-e4bfe99a-9711″][vc_column_text]We can hone leadership skills without winning a war or finding a cure for disease. Leadership includes these skills and more:

• Interpersonal communication
• Community-building actions that strengthen a shared sense of purpose
• Conflict resolution and teamwork
• Motivating and supporting others, including acknowledging their efforts
• Managing your time, and helping others manage theirs, including delegating tasks and keeping a group on track
• Including people who are often marginalized and excluded
• Giving and receiving constructive criticism
• Innovative thinking

Does everything have to be about your résumé?

As much as we’re talking here about career potential, other goals are valuable too: earning money, developing yourself personally, keeping busy, and having fun. It’s OK if your summer isn’t directly about building your résumé. It’s worth thinking about it through that lens, however, because you might find that your role has some career relevance that you hadn’t spotted initially. For example, working retail or in the food industry can build customer service and communication skills.[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][/vc_tta_accordion][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]

3 strategies to build leadership experience you can use later

1  Remember that metrics matter:

Hiring managers want to know the numbers. Use statistics and precise information. How many events did you help staff? Your organization or club’s social media followers grew by what percentage? How much money did you help raise? How many like-minded organizations did you reach out to about a potential collaboration? When you took over tracking inventory, how much of your boss’s time did you free up for them to work on growing the business? Track your activities and tasks on a spreadsheet for easy access in a job search.

How to keep track of your workplace goals and accomplishments

• When you’re getting started in your job or internship, talk to your supervisor about realistic, measurable goals. For example, your goals may include writing a certain number of blog posts, signing up a certain number of customers for a rewards program, or developing enough knowledge that you can take on some managerial duties before the end of the summer. Look for some element of challenge and an opportunity to show your skills and effort, but not setting the goals so high that you can’t meet them. Your supervisor can help you figure out what’s attainable.
• Keep a simple spreadsheet outlining what you did in the job or internship. This can help your current supervisor write future letters of recommendation, help you flesh out your résumé and LinkedIn profile, and help you prepare for interviews. You might be amazed at what you accomplish in one summer.

2  Think about ways to add value:

Future interviewers will want to hear your stories about specific projects, ideas, or accomplishments. Here’s what that could look like.

Find ways to demonstrate your initiative
Managers love when employees or interns propose new projects to expand their programs or increase revenue. These types of projects show innovation, creativity, and commitment, all valuable leadership traits. It’s especially valuable if your initiative will be sustainable when you’re no longer around to do it. Just make sure you have enough time to complete the tasks you were initially assigned and are in a position to take on any extra work.

Consider what you could accomplish this summer:

• If you’re interning at a small nonprofit, you might volunteer to create a spreadsheet and tracking system for prospective donors.
• If you’re working retail at a local business, you might volunteer to redesign the store’s website or brochures to attract new customers from the local college.
• If you’re a sleepaway camp counselor, you might design and lead a new activity to keep campers engaged.
• If you’re at the mom-and-pop ice cream stand, you may want to highlight your readiness to work a double shift to cover for coworkers who bailed, or your willingness to design T-shirts or signs.

3  Think about how these experiences could transfer to your career:

Future employers want to know that you can apply those same skills to their own organizations and challenges. When preparing for job interviews, plan how you’ll tell your stories of overcoming challenges, developing your own projects, and helping your employer accomplish their goals. The creativity, persistence, and dedication that you put into that new sign, updated database, or increased Facebook “likes” could translate into real, usable assets at your future company (depending on their strategic goals).[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]

How to approach barriers affecting marginalized communities

If you have a condition that may be relevant to your presentation or performance, it can be useful to address it (without necessarily disclosing a diagnosis). For example:

• “Verbal instructions can be harder for me to remember. It would be helpful if you could give me written notes or emails about my assignments to make sure I have what I need to do my best.”
• “This is my first time working in an office—I hope to learn a lot this summer. It would be great if you could point out to me how things work, even if you think it might seem obvious, so I can learn even more.”

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Put this into practice: How to make it work in person and on paper

Almost any work placement can provide opportunities to develop leadership skills. Here, students identify what they learned from short-term roles in four different fields. Jeff Onore, a career coach based in Massachusetts, discusses how they can present that experience to employers—in person or on paper. These strategies are relevant to a wide range of career interests, skills, and experiences.[/vc_column_text][vc_tta_tabs style=”modern” color=”white” alignment=”center” active_section=”1″][vc_tta_section title=”In the interview” tab_id=”1493228642125-0c9722da-f085″][vc_column_text]

Student perspective	How to talk about it
Government agency
“I worked with [a county probation department], and I was taught to be more responsible and take deadlines seriously. I also learned that you yourself are solely responsible for your work and to always double-check [everything].” —Third-year undergraduate, California State University, Channel Islands	“Working with a probation department tells me the student is mature and professional. Employers like to see people do challenging things in challenging environments. Stress the fast pace as well as the empathy you need to work in that field.”
Childcare
“I gained a lot of leadership skills in a job in a daycare. Working with children aged six weeks to five years presents a new challenge every day, sometimes basic and other times very complicated. It requires making a lot of judgment calls on your feet and then communicating about your decisions to parents and supervisors later.” —First-year graduate student, University of Delaware	“Own this; confidently say [you] gained leadership skills working in a daycare, a role that some people would play down. You can say, for example, ‘One thing I’ve learned about leadership: You need to stay calm.’”

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Student perspective	How to talk about it
Amateur theater
“As stage manager for a college play, I knew that some cast members got along better than others, but all had to interact. After and before rehearsals, I’d ensure everyone was in a decent mood, and work out any misgivings.” —Fourth-year undergraduate, Wayland Baptist University, Texas	“Stage Manager, 2014–2017: Four major productions: South Pacific, The King & I, Romeo and Juliet, The Bachelor Goes Live. Casts of 20–40; crews included lighting, sound, props, and costumes; coordinated these often conflicting departments and teams.”
Summer camp
“I was a camp counselor, which makes it easy to gain authority over the group, but more difficult to have a common communication basis where they feel comfortable talking to you about what they need [while also respecting] rules you set into place.” —Third-year undergraduate, University of Central Arkansas	Include the metrics, and put some meat on the role: “22 campers, 24/7 responsibility Organized camp-wide Olympics, securing buy-in from the head counselors and students. Facilitated the closing ceremonies for audience of families, recognizing each student.”

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Presenting the tough stuff: How 5 students can address workplace obstacles

The workplace brings frustrations and constraints, as well as opportunities. Here, students describe five barriers that may make it harder for them to transfer certain skills and experiences into jobs after graduation. Jeff Onore, a career coach based in Massachusetts, looks at ways to approach it. These strategies are relevant to a wide range of career interests, skills, and experiences.

Student perspective	Expert perspective
1.  Gender/sexuality bias
“I am unsure if I can give my most valuable leadership positions—as president and vice president of finance of the Queer Student Alliance—on my résumé, for fear of discrimination or implicit bias against me.” —Second-year undergraduate, Tulane University, Louisiana	“There may be room to say you effected social change as president of a student alliance. Be prepared at your interview to be asked the name of the organization. If you’re applying to pretty liberal employers—universities, arts, etc.—this may not be an issue. In more conservative fields, the reality is that this can be trickier to navigate.”
2.  Sexual harassment
“Sexual harassment has caused me to leave an internship at a law firm.” —Second year graduate student, Johns Hopkins University, Maryland	“No one will ask why you left an internship the way they might ask why you left a job. In this case, focus on what you learned in the internship.”
3.  Economic hardship
“It’s very difficult to participate in unpaid internships, offered by many nonprofits, when the cost of higher education is so debilitating.” —Fourth-year graduate student, Emory University, Georgia	“Employers understand that financing college imposes more constraints on some students than others. If you don’t have much internship experience in your field, go right to this framing: It was important for you to work, and this is what you accomplished in the jobs you held (your good work ethic, your time management, and so on).”
4.  Deafness and disability discrimination
“[It was problematic that I had] no access to communication: American Sign Language, transcripts, closed captioning, etc.” —First-year graduate student, California State University, Northridge	“If your college has connections with companies that do a good job accommodating deaf and disabled employees, start there. Some employers can be identified through the Lime Connect Network for the STEM fields or through chapters of the US Business Leadership Network in all fields. Disclosing deafness or a disability is unpredictable—some employers will be much more receptive than others. In the US, your right to reasonable accommodations on the job is protected by federal law. You can encourage an employer to contact the Job Accommodation Network for free expert help in figuring out accommodations. Or you might decide an employer isn’t worth the struggle.” —Lucy Berrington, editor of Student Health 101
5. Age and gender discrimination
“Discrimination based on age and gender is something that I have been faced with, as I am a young female in the engineering field, which is predominately male. I know I am sometimes underestimated and pushed aside by peers because of this, but it only fuels my fire to be stronger and show them my leadership skills.” —First-year graduate student, Villanova University, Pennsylvania	“The STEM fields are looking to recruit more women. Recognize your value to them. There may be a certain amount of age and gender discrimination, so it’s important to determine what the company culture is like. The first thing to do is to network through the engineering department at your school. People are often kind to those who have had a similar experience. Look at Glassdoor.com for information about the culture at corporate engineering departments, and use internships to take the temperature of different work environments. A large company may prioritize discrimination training; a small company may give you a chance to get certain kinds of experience more quickly.”

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Based on This is how to be productive; 5 new secrets proven by research by Eric Barker at Barking Up The Wrong Tree

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