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New class expectations, new living situations, and navigating newfound independence can give us all the feels—from super psyched to super stressed. Even if you’re loving your student life, dealing with all the stressors that come with college can be a lot to handle. According to experts, the best time to handle that stress is now. “If we don’t take care of our mental health, we may not be able to reach our goals, maintain good relationships, and function well in day-to-day situations,” says Dr. Chrissy Salley, a psychologist in New York who works with students of all ages. “Taking care of mental health is one of the best things someone can do.”

Now really is the time to start tuning into your mental health—the majority of mental health issues appear to begin between the ages of 14 and 24, according to a review of the World Health Organization World Mental Health surveys and other research (Current Opinion in Psychiatry, 2007). But help is available. Along with methods like mindfulness and meditation, talking to a therapist (such as a counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist) can be a super-effective way to manage any mental health issue you may be facing or just a way to get extra support during times of stress, challenge, celebration, or change.

There’s a ton of research on how effective therapy really is—a 2015 meta-analysis of 15 studies of college students with depression found that outcomes were nearly 90 percent better for those who received therapeutic treatment than for those in control groups, most of whom received no treatment (Depression and Anxiety).

One of the most common and effective therapies is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), a short-term, goal-oriented therapy where a pro helps you find practical ways to deal with specific problems.

[/vc_column_text][vc_tta_accordion shape=”square” c_icon=”chevron” active_section=”0″ collapsible_all=”true”][vc_tta_section title=”More on CBT ” tab_id=”1508289452900-d340d698-c737″][vc_column_text]The goal of CBT is to help you change or reframe certain thought processes—the idea is that by changing your attitude about something, you can change your behaviors. For example, if you think something like, “I’m terrible at chemistry, so I know I’m going to fail this test—there’s no use studying,” you probably won’t ace your test. CBT can help you shift your thinking to something more like, “I know chemistry is really hard for me, but studying will help me do better.”[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][/vc_tta_accordion][vc_column_text]And it works. There’s strong evidence that this therapeutic technique can help you handle just about anything you might have going on, according to a 2012 analysis of over 200 studies on CBT published in Cognitive Therapy and Research. The researchers found that CBT was effective for people struggling with anxiety, bulimia, anger issues, stress, and a number of other mental health issues.

OK, so we know that therapy is an essential and effective tool for keeping your mental health at its peak, but making that first appointment can feel intimidating. It doesn’t have to be. Our experts break down the therapy basics so you can embrace whatever you need to feel your best. Here’s what the pros want you to know.

Surveys show it’s not out of the ordinary to see a therapist—55 percent of college students have used campus counseling services, according to a 2012 report from the National Alliance on Mental Illness. If you feel uncomfortable with the idea of going to see a therapist, you’re not alone—and that’s totally OK, says Zachary Alti, a licensed social worker, psychotherapist, and professor at the Fordham University Graduate School of Social Service in New York. “Few people look forward to therapy, but students should be aware that therapy exists to help them, not to judge them,” he says. The process might not always be comfortable, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. “I’d encourage students to keep an open mind and try it,” says Dr. Salley.

“Many [young people] tell me they’re reluctant to participate in therapy because they don’t want to talk about their feelings,” Dr. Salley says. Again, that’s totally normal. But going to therapy isn’t just about talking about how you feel; it’s also about walking away with real tools you can use in your life. “Therapy should also be action oriented—a time to learn new skills for coping and figuring out ways to solve problems,” Dr. Salley says.

“Therapy is like physical exercise,” says Alti. Just like hitting the gym is good for everyone’s physical health—not just those with diabetes or heart disease—seeing a therapist can benefit everyone’s mental health.

But really, any time is a good time to go. While anxiety and depression are still the most common reasons students seek counseling, according to a 2016 annual report from the Center for Collegiate Mental Health, you don’t have to be in the midst of a crisis or feel like you’re nearing a breakdown to see a pro—seeing a therapist can be helpful even when things are all good. “There are a lot of pink flags before you get to red ones,” says Dr. Dana Crawford, an individual and family therapist in New York. “Keeping things from becoming extreme is always better.” In other words, don’t wait for an emergency to take care of your mental health. “When bad things do happen, mental health will protect against the impact of these unfortunate events,” adds Alti.

Student perspective

“Being able to just have someone to really listen has promoted a lot of self-discovery. I trust my therapist with everything and I feel like he genuinely cares about what I have to say. He asks me questions that make me think about why I feel and do the things that I do. Once I know where something comes from, I can change it. It’s easier said than done, but it’s not something I think I could do on my own.”
—Second-year undergraduate student, University of Alabama[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]

Real talk: College is full of huge life changes. “Even positive changes can be stressful,” says Dr. Salley. Luckily, therapists are particularly skilled at helping their clients deal with these transitions. “Having someone to talk to can be helpful, especially as you encounter new situations and people,” she says. While you’re dealing with a new set of responsibilities and expectations (everything from picking the right major to sorting through awkward roommate issues), a therapist can help you pinpoint how all the changes are impacting you and sort through the onslaught of emotions that everyone feels during this time.

Therapists aren’t one-size-fits-all—sometimes you have to try a few before you find the right fit. Don’t get turned off if your first therapy appointment isn’t super helpful—if something feels uncomfortable, listen to your gut, but don’t give up, says Dr. Crawford. “You would never go to the store, try on a pair of jeans, and say, ‘Oh, those don’t fit, I guess I won’t wear jeans.’ You would keep trying jeans until you found the right fit,” says Dr. Crawford. Same goes for therapists.

Finding that fit with a therapist is just as important for the outcome as the actual therapeutic technique, according to findings presented in Psychotherapy Relationships That Work (Oxford University Press, 2004). The research analysis found that three key things had a measurable positive impact on the outcome of individual therapy: 1) the strength of your collaborative relationship with your therapist—aka are you on the same page and making goals for your treatment together?; 2) your therapist’s ability to empathize or see where you’re coming from; and 3) the degree to which you and your therapist outline goals and reevaluate them together.

In other words, to get the most out of a therapy session, take the time to find someone you feel like you’re on the same page with, who gets you, and who’s willing to listen to your goals for therapy and help you develop them.[/vc_column_text][vc_tta_accordion shape=”square” c_icon=”chevron” active_section=”0″ collapsible_all=”true”][vc_tta_section title=”Ask these questions to help you find the right fit” tab_id=”1509035547084-fd2f65e1-167e”][vc_column_text]

• What types of therapy are you trained in?
• What issues do you specialize in?
• What populations do you specialize in? (While all therapists take on different types of clients, some specialize in specific groups such as working with LGBTQ+ people, people of color, or those who’ve been marginalized in some way.)
• How do you invite all aspects of your client into the room? (It’s important to know how your therapist will address all aspects of your culture, says Dr. Crawford. “You want to know that you can talk to your therapist about all parts of who you are.”)
• What are your beliefs about how people change?
• What’s your goal for ending therapy? (Some therapists believe therapy is an ongoing thing that you never really graduate from, while others see it as a tool to resolve a specific challenge. Make sure their goals line up with yours, and if not, ask if you can redefine them together.)

[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][vc_tta_section title=”How to find a therapist ” tab_id=”1508289666996-a002b364-d7da”][vc_column_text]To find a therapist, start on campus—most schools offer a certain number of free counseling sessions through their counseling or psychological services.

Check with your insurance provider to see whether you need a referral to see a psychologist or counselor. If so, you may need to make an appointment with your primary care provider or the student counseling center to ask for one. Once you have the referral (if needed), you can seek out a therapist in a number of ways:

• Ask friends and family members if they have a therapist they recommend.
• Find out if your school counseling center has a list of recommended providers.
• Use the American Psychological Association’s online search tool.
• Call your insurance company or use their online services to find a list of therapists who are covered by your plan. If you get a personal recommendation from someone, you’ll also need to check that they’re covered under your insurance plan.

Once you have a name or a list of names and you’ve checked that the providers are covered by your insurance plan, call each therapist and leave a message to ask if they’re accepting new patients and to call you back with their available hours. When you hear back from the therapist, you may want to discuss what you’re looking to get out of treatment, what days and times you’re available to meet, and what their fees are—confirm that they take your insurance (it never hurts to double check this)—and ask about their training and make sure they’re licensed. Sometimes it can take a few tries to find someone whose schedule works with yours, but don’t let that deter you.[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][/vc_tta_accordion][vc_column_text]

“Therapy can be useful by helping people acquire a better understanding of themselves and develop healthy habits,” says Dr. Salley. For example, if you have trouble getting up in time to make that optional early-morning lecture, but then you beat yourself up about missing it, a therapist can help you identify what you really value and then help you make decisions based on that. “It can be helpful to talk to someone who’s objective and not a friend to bounce your experiences and feelings off of,” says Dr. Crawford. “A therapist’s only investment is for you to be your best self.”

Once you’ve identified what’s really important to you, a therapist can help give you the tools to make your value-driven goals a reality. “Problems that are unaddressed remain problems,” says Dr. Crawford. “When you’re ready for something different in your life, it can change. Therapy can help you create the future you want.”

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You may be worried that all that talking might get out or that your therapist might tell your advisor or RA about what you’re struggling with. “A therapist isn’t allowed to do this unless the student poses a threat to themselves or others,” says Alti. “A therapist’s effectiveness is dependent on maintaining trust.” Bottom line: Unless they believe you’re in imminent danger (e.g., at risk of being seriously harmed or harming yourself or others), they can’t share what you say.

In short, everyone can benefit from talking to a therapist. “In the same way that everyone can benefit from going to the dentist, sometimes therapy is just a routine cleaning,” says Dr. Crawford. “Sometimes it’s just a time to reflect on where you are and where you want to go.” Whether you’re wrestling with anxiety and depression or mildly stressed about finding a summer internship, seeing a therapist can help—even if it’s just for a few sessions. (According to the CCMH report, the average student who uses campus psychology services attends between four and five sessions.)

Student perspective

“Therapy was a good way to talk through anything weighing on my mind. My therapist was very understanding, kind, and, of course, confidential. I’d recommend going to counseling services to everyone.”
—Third-year undergraduate student, Elizabethtown College, Pennsylvania[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] [school_resource sh101resources=’no’ category=’mobileapp,counselingservices’] Get help or find out more

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The holidays are coming up, and I know two things for certain: (1) My aunt will re-gift me an old book and pretend she bought it for me, and (2) someone will start an argument at the big family dinner. It’s usually good-natured bickering, but now and then, it gets heated—and sometimes I get pulled in. Even though we love each other, we can end up saying angry or hurtful things, and it takes time for everyone to calm down. Maybe you’ve been in a situation like that before.

When we find ourselves getting upset with someone, we have two choices. We could cut loose and vent our emotions, which is tempting and might feel satisfying at the time. But those feelings of relief won’t last long. In the end, you might hurt people’s feelings and deepen the conflict.

OK, so maybe we really have only one choice, or at least one good one—we can apply strategies to calm down, see our emotions clearly, and respond rather than react. As the great psychiatrist Victor Frankl wrote, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is the power to choose our response.”

In the video below, I share one method for calming down in the midst of a conflict. Give it a watch, then give it a try. Happy holidays.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text][school_resource sh101resources=’no’ category=’mobileapp,counselingservices’] Get help or find out more

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[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Studying much? You might be using the classic moves. You know—rewriting all your notes into a newer, bigger note; highlighting as the new underlining; and my personal favorite, cramming everything into your brain in any way possible. Sometimes those moves work just fine. But what if you’re looking for more than “just fine”? And what if you could get there with a little less stress and a little more purpose?

Researchers at Stanford University in California discovered that using some simple tricks made a big difference in how students performed. The research is based on a classic learning theory that seems pretty obvious when you break it down. It’s called metacognition, and it involves something we could all benefit from: thinking about how we think.

Intrigued? Let’s take a closer look at how metacognition can get you to a better spot with your study habits. Once you’ve got the basics down, we’ll show you how to use it with real-life tips that’ll help you reap the brain-boosting benefits. Bonus points if you drop the word “metacognition” with your friends when talking about your new secret to study success.

What to know about how to think

Metacognition is thinking about thinking, says Dr. Veronica Yan, an assistant professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. OK, but what does that actually mean? It’s taking the time to consider how you think and why the process of reflecting on your thinking can give you some key insights into what you’re learning and what you’re missing. It means thinking through the methods, tools, and resources available to you and deciding which ones can best get you where you want to go.

Still with us? Think about it like this: Textbooks, tutors, academic advisors, past exam questions, and homework assignments are all resources that you can use to study—but what’s the purpose of each of them? How can they help you? And which ones will help the most? Now you’re thinking like someone who thinks about their thinking.

“We are constantly making decisions, but we aren’t always intentional about these decisions,” Dr. Yan says. So how exactly can doing this help?

Why thinking things through can get you better results

This is where it gets interesting. Researchers at Stanford University wondered if applying some of the principles of metacognition—setting goals, thinking about resources, and crafting a plan—would make a difference in students’ test results. They split students into two groups and reminded both about an upcoming exam.

One group just got a reminder. The other received a reminder and were also asked questions about how they wanted to do on the exam and how they were going to prep. The students received questions about their study resources—which ones they would choose, how they would use them, and why they felt these resources would be helpful—essentially having them create a study plan. The students who thought through their study plan, or used metacognition like pros, did better on their exams than those who did not map out a plan, according to the 2017 study in Psychological Science. They also reported feeling less stressed during the prep process.

“Learners should take the time to explicitly think through why they want to use each resource for learning,” says Dr. Patricia Chen, a postdoctoral research fellow at Stanford and one of the authors of the study. Bottom line: It’s about thinking carefully about your resources—how to choose them and how you’ll use them.

How to put it into practice

The best part about the Stanford research, and about metacognition in general, is that it’s simple—you can do it yourself by making a plan and setting some goals. And who knows? You may even see the same boost in results. Here’s how to go about it:

Step 1: Think about (and list out) your options before you study

This means ditching your autopilot plan and taking some time to make one that works. Start by jotting down the resources you have access to: books, notes, PowerPoints or class presentations, audio recordings, essay prompts, past quizzes or exams, the syllabus, tutors, classmates, online forums, review sessions, immediate access to the entirety of your professor’s brain, etc. Then list out how those resources could help you craft your plan.

Exam or quiz questions from earlier in the semester

Your prof probably has a particular way of creating test questions, so if you’re looking at an exam from earlier in the semester, it’s likely the upcoming one will follow a similar format or ask questions in a similar way. Use that to your advantage. Practice your responses to the question type and exam format. Just be sure your prof is OK with you using past assessments for study, and steer clear of using materials from past semesters or sections of the class.

“This allows students to identify in advance which topics they need to spend more time on and which they are already very familiar with,” Dr. Chen says.

Step 2: Make your plan

Now that you know which resources will work best, it’s time to make it work for you. And that involves making a specific plan. Participants in the Stanford study were asked to do just that—plan when, where, and how they would use the study resources they identified. We know that worked for them. It can work for you too.

Make a chart that lists out the resources you’re using along with all the dirty details—when, where, how, and why.[/vc_column_text][vc_cta h2=”” shape=”square”]Resource

Exam questions from earlier in the semester

Why this can work

Familiarize myself with the potential exam format and way prof asks questions

How I’m going to use it

• Identify patterns in types of questions
• Identify stuff I know from past exams and stuff I still need to work on
• Think like a prof: How would new material be put into similar exam format or question type? Make a sample exam and test myself, or grab a classmate and create some sample questions for each other; test them out, see how we do, keep working at it

When and where

• Monday 4–6 p.m.: Campus café
• Wednesday 10–11 a.m.: Remote corner of the library

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“Planning is crucial because it helps learners translate their strategies into action,” Dr. Chen says.

Step 3: Set and get those goals

It comes back to goal setting. Knowing what you’re looking to get out of your studying can help you get there. Think beyond pure performance here; what’s the long-term goal of knowing the material? A foot in the door at your first post-grad job? Feeling confident in applying your newfound knowledge? Grad school goals? Keep those in mind too. Write them down, add them to your chart, Sharpie them on your forehead—whatever makes them stick.

“I realized that when I had goals, I did better and got more done. Working at things aimlessly, without goals, has led to poor results, in my experience. The more I reached my goals and saw how they were benefiting me, the better I performed and the more motivated I was.”
—Blair C., fourth-year student, Indiana University Southeast

“Goal setting helps learners clarify exactly what they want to achieve and focuses them on their goal as they plan out their studying,” Dr. Chen says.

Step 4: Know that you can

Yup, we’re asking you to have a little faith in yourself, and not just because you’re awesome (you definitely are), but because it actually affects how well you do.

Self-efficacy, or simply believing that you’re capable of planning and carrying out the tasks necessary for your performance, was the greatest predictor of college students’ achievement and performance, according to a large review of research (Perspectives on Medical Education, 2012).

As you’re working through your study plan, keep track of what you’re getting done. Hit your study session goal for the day? That’s a win. Mastered material you didn’t quite get last time? That counts too. Come up with a system for tracking them. We like unicorn stickers, but checking things off your to-do list will do in a pinch.

Those small successes are part of your bigger goals, and the more you see yourself moving in the right direction, the more likely you are to believe that you can keep going. The wins you rack up in the process are still there cheering for you when you slip up. So remind yourself of them early and often.

Steps 5 through infinity

Identifying resources, making plans, setting goals, and knowing you can hit them is an awesome plan of attack, but don’t be too hard on yourself if some of the steps are a struggle. You might have to do some finagling to figure out what works best for you. “It is the responsibility of the learner to experiment and identify what is most effective for themselves and when,” says Dr. Chen. So keep trying, keep track, and let us know how you do.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] [school_resource sh101resources=’no’ category=’mobileapp,studentservices, studentsucess, helpdesk’] Get help or find out more

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Zuriel R., second-year graduate student, Portland State University, Oregon 

 

Reviewed episodes

• “How to Become Batman” (January 22, 2015)
• “The New Norm” (June 17, 2016) 

“Invisibilia explores how the almost imperceptible differences in the way we think or behave can have huge impacts on our lives. In these two episodes, the hosts, Lulu Miller, Hanna Rosin, and Alix Spiegel, tell lively, well-researched stories about the power of expectations and social norms.” 

Useful?

Useful and fascinating! You learn all about how small changes in behavior can make a big difference in outcomes. In “How to Become Batman,” a blind man explains how he can ride a bike by using simple clicking noises. We could all use this kind of ingenuity!

Fun?

The wit and laughter of the hosts weaves seamlessly with their thoughtful and intelligent questions. The hosts pose intriguing questions right at the beginning of each podcast—questions like: “Can a rat’s behavior change based on the researcher’s expectations alone?” or “Why was it so hard to open a McDonald’s in Russia?” It was difficult to stop listening; I look forward to checking out more of their episodes!

Would you recommend this to someone?

I would recommend this podcast to anyone interested in psychology, behavior, or popular science. It encourages listeners to be more aware of subtle, simple things, like smiling or crying—things that have the potential to change (or save) your life.

Where to find it

https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510307/invisibilia

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—Gala C., Dordt College, Iowa

It’s not easy being in a community that you feel has hatred toward others because of their race. It’s stressful to hear negative comments or see discrimination and feel like there isn’t much you can do to stop it. Racism is also bad for your health. Research has shown that the everyday stress of racism can harm your mental and physical health, according to a study published in the American Journal of Public Health.

You might find you become filled with hate toward those who are racist. But don’t match hate with hate; meet it with heart.

Heart is reminding yourself that those people’s beliefs and actions aren’t based in reality. Racism and other forms of hatred often come from lack of information and understanding about others. They’ve been taught something that’s untrue. Over time, with exposure to new ideas or to people from other groups, it’s possible that they can gain more acceptance. Heart is understanding that there’s a better way to live, and even things as horrible as racism can be overcome.

If you do plan to talk to people about their actions or beliefs surrounding racism, here are some tips:

• Take time to discuss with them your positive experiences with people of other races.
• Remind them of the great contributions different races have made.
• Appeal to the good parts of their personality when they want to instinctively react with hate. For example, remind someone of their religious values (e.g., being a person of peace) or recall how much they suffered through a bullying experience as a way to create empathy toward the individuals who are being attacked.
• Pick times for these discussions when things are neutral and everyone is calm.

Don’t try to argue and lash out; that probably won’t end well. Remember: Hate will lead to hate. Help them relearn a better way.

Becoming an agent for change

As for yourself, another way to deal with racism is to become a person of positive change. For example, join an organization in your community or an online organization that works toward unity, or start your own. This way, you’re around like-minded people of other races who can support you.

You can also educate yourself about what racism is, learn the history of efforts to overcome racism, and look up resources to help address racial equity. A great place to start is the Racial Equality Resource Guide, which offers tool kits, a list of organizations across the country, and other resources to help you in your effort to effect change.

Stay calm

When you’ve confronted something that has you seething and you need to calm down now, practice relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, exercise, and engaging in activities that bring you joy.

When is it time to go?

If you feel physically in danger, consider leaving the community. Sometimes the best efforts to make a change take time and distance. If you’re still living at home or aren’t financially able to leave just yet, you can still make a plan. Start to identify the places that you can live or spend time in where diversity is valued.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

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Being a person can be complicated. Being a perfectionistic person can be even more complicated. Those standards of yours? They’re so high you can’t see the top of them. It’s either perfect or it’s a problem. It sounds like a surefire way to succeed—as an honors student, in your top-of-the-industry internship, or at being the best in pretty much everything, right? Not really—because there’s a catch. Seeking unattainable perfection, and striving to avoid mistakes, equals serious stress—and that can cause problems with your health and academic performance.

We’re here to help—and so are our experts. We’ll break down the perfectionist basics and give you actionable, evidence-based tips for setting more realistic standards for yourself. Because self-imposed pressure can get in the way of a happy life. And that’s not OK. You ready?

What perfectionism is…and isn’t

Most of us are looking to do our best and are willing to put in the work to get there. So how can you tell when you’re being conscientious and when your drive to succeed is getting in your way? Wanting to be perfect is only part of it. The defining characteristic is a fear of making mistakes—and how you feel about yourself along the way, according to research by Dr. Thomas Greenspon published in Psychology in the Schools (2014).

“Hallmarks of perfectionism include an exaggerated concern over mistakes, lofty and unrealistic self-expectations, harsh and intense self-criticism, feeling other people need you to be perfect, and nagging doubts about performance abilities,” says Dr. Simon Sherry, a registered psychologist, researcher, and associate professor at Dalhousie University in Nova Scotia, Canada.

To make it more complicated, perfectionism looks different for everyone. But it comes from the same place, says Dr. Greenspon, and it often accompanies some less-than-great feelings about yourself and a troubling sense of hopelessness.

Here’s what perfectionism might look (and feel) like

Feeling less than Those who struggle with perfectionism often feel that they’re not good enough, according to Greenspon’s research, even if they never say it out loud. If they do happen to make some mistakes, perfectionistic people are likely to take that personally. Their slip-ups become reflections of themselves as people, not just of their performance or achievement. Every mistake feels like a character flaw, which increases the pressure to be exceptional and the despair when they mess up. “Anytime I am trying something new, I put a lot of pressure on myself, causing me to feel extremely inadequate with any sort of mistake I make in the process,” says Erin S.*, a first-year student at Wake Technical Community College in North Carolina.

Setting rigid rules Look, we all have to set some structure for ourselves, or else we’d end up in Netflix-land permanently. But perfectionistic people take that rule-setting to an extreme, one that can get in the way of daily functioning. This intense structure can lead to other stressful and time-consuming habits, such as over-checking work to excess or missing deadlines, according to research published in 2016 in JMIR Research Protocols.

Being inflexible Say your roommate wants to take a spontaneous hiking trip or your go-to spot in the library is taken. Those curveballs can be a problem for someone who’s dealing with perfectionism—they struggle to go with the flow. Their tried-and-true problem-solving method works for them, but only under certain circumstances. This inflexibility can be limiting and may also be a sign that something is off. Flexibility is an indicator of positive mental health, says Dr. Sarah Vinson, a child and adolescent psychiatrist in Georgia.

Procrastinating on assignments People struggling with perfectionism are often totally consumed with making sure that every last detail is perfect. While some may be horrified by the idea of missing a deadline, others might finish tests late, hand in assignments past deadline, or never finish them at all, according to the 2014 study published in Psychology in the Schools. Seem counterintuitive? Only at first glance. If you’re striving for a standard that you can’t hit, you’ll never fully be finished with a task. For some, this might mean spending too much time double-, triple-, and quadruple-checking work until deadlines have long passed. For others, the idea of handing in something that is “imperfect” is worse than handing in nothing at all. “It might feel easier to say you ran out of time than to admit that you couldn’t do it as perfectly as you wanted,” explains Dr. Keith Anderson, staff psychologist at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in New York.

How perfectionism can get in the way

Perfectionism is no joke, and neither are the feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that go along with it. It’s linked with burnout, which can zap your motivation, wipe you out, and keep you from doing your best. A meta-analysis of 43 studies found that those who struggled with “perfectionist concerns,” or being worried about making mistakes, feeling like there’s a big difference between their standards and their performance, or being concerned about looking imperfect in front of others, experienced increased feelings of burnout (Personality and Social Psychology Review, 2016).

Some people who struggle with perfectionism may also struggle with mental health conditions, according to the American Psychological Association. And those can be serious. Some potential effects of the pressure to be perfect include:[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”Anxiety” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left” google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Being perfectionistic makes you more vulnerable to anxiety, says Dr. Sherry. And the research backs this up. Feeling that mistakes make you inadequate can result in anxiety and shame, according to Greenspon’s research.

[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”Increased suicide risk” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left” google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Perfectionism is linked to an increased risk of suicide, according to a 2014 article in the Review of General Psychology.

[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”Body image issues” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left” google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Perfectionism, and the behaviors that go along with it, is associated with increased body dissatisfaction, which, for some, can lead to the development of disordered eating, according to a 2012 study in the Journal of Eating Disorders.

What you can do about it

It’s OK if you see yourself or your habits in some of this. In fact, the first step to challenging perfectionistic tendencies is to recognize that they’re there, so high five for self-awareness. If you’re ready to push back against your fear of making mistakes, here are four things you can try.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”1. Think process, not results” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left” google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]You’re in college to learn, not churn out flawless papers and perfect scores, and that means being an active part of the analytical process. Rather than focusing on how you’re doing (i.e., your performance), try focusing more on what you’re learning and stay engaged with the material, knowing that making mistakes is often critical in deepening your understanding. “Part of the college experience is learning to think independently and see things on a conceptual basis, and that’s hard to do if you’re so focused on getting every detail right all the time,” Dr. Vinson says.

[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”2. Change the conversation” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left” google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]“In high-pressure academic environments, there’s this culture of [competition around] who works the hardest. People brag about doing really well,” Dr. Vinson says. This can lead to an intense atmosphere that fuels perfectionistic traits and keeps you quiet when your experience differs from the stories you’re hearing. So tell a different story.

Try it: Talk openly with friends about the work you’re putting in, where you’re struggling, and the mistakes you’re making. Feeling anxious about an assignment that you didn’t do well on? Your roommate probably has similar stories. The more of those you hear, the more you realize that we’re all making mistakes, and that doesn’t make us less worthy.

To prevent people from attributing their shortcomings to personal flaws, and to draw attention to how much failure it takes to get where you want to go, a Princeton professor created a nontraditional résumé.

[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”3. Make a mistake on purpose” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left” google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Yup, we went there. So much of perfectionism is about this fear of making a wrong move. And one way to deal with fear is to face it head-on—by making a few intentional and noncritical errors here and there, according to a guide to perfectionism created by Dr. Glenn Hirsch, director of student counseling services at the University of Minnesota. Psychologists call this exposure therapy. (The rest of us call it courageously superhuman.)

Try it: Keep your intentional slip-ups small: Wear your t-shirt with the bleach stain on it to grab pizza with friends. Be a few minutes late to a club meeting. Send an email with an intentional grammatical error. Once you see that making mistakes doesn’t mean instant catastrophe, you might be able to ease up on the pressure you put on yourself. And that can be liberating.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”4. Commit to cutting back—just a little” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left” google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]When you’re deep in perfectionistic territory, you’re triple-checking your triple-checks, rereading a two-line email for two hours, or putting in a crushing amount of study time for a five-question quiz. One way to work against this is to cut back in tiny ways over time rather than trying to stop your perfectionistic patterns all at once, suggests Dr. Hirsch. This is a behavior change staple because it works.

Try it: Take your eight-hour window of quiz-studying to six—and then stick to it. Maybe next time, knock it down to five. Pay attention to how you feel as you’re making the adjustments and see how that changes over time. The point isn’t to lower your standards, but instead to get them to a point that feels less soul-crushing and more realistic.

If you’re still struggling, that’s OK

If you’re feeling bogged down by perfectionism, reach out to a counselor or therapist at your school or in your community. Because perfectionistic people have a hard time admitting when they’re not feeling perfect, this may not feel easy. But it’s so worth a try. Dr. Greenspon describes moving past perfectionism as a recovery process, one that involves adjusting your worldview and sense of reality. Let’s be real: This is a big shift. It takes some work and time to rebuild your sense of yourself independent from pure achievement. Here are some treatment options to talk through with a professional.

Radically open-dialectical behavioral therapy (RO-DBT): RO-DBT is a therapy for people who struggle with “emotional over-control” that teaches strategies to increase flexibility, openness, and communication in social situations, according to research published in 2015 in the American Journal of Psychotherapy.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT is a therapy that teaches you how to transform unhealthy, negative thoughts into positive thoughts and behaviors.

Visit or call your counseling center to chat with a therapist, or use this tool from Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) for help finding one in your area.

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Deliberately hurting oneself is among those human behaviors that seem baffling and counter-intuitive from the outside. A student who parties, gets depressed, and ends up cutting himself may fear that his peers just wouldn’t get it. A student who realizes that a friend pulls out her own hair may have no idea how to help. While most college students do not deliberately harm or injure themselves, it’s certainly happening on campuses, studies show.

“Self-injury tends to go through jags,” says Dr. Janis Whitlock, director of the Cornell Research Program on Self-Injury and Recovery at Cornell University, New York. “It’s not uncommon for someone to not injure for a year and then start again in college when they get triggered by a variety of stressors—everything from academic to romantic problems.” Understanding self-injury can help clue us in to the complexities of our own and others’ experience, and lead us to healthy ways to handle the stresses of school, however they manifest.

What is self-injury?

When people intentionally cause harm, pain, or damage to their own body, without the intent to die, it’s called non-suicidal self-injury (or self-harm). We tend to think of self-injury as cutting. In reality, it can be any type of behavior that intentionally causes tissue damage to the body, so it could involve burning, pulling out hair, or some acts of externalized aggression, such as punching walls. Self-injury may happen under the influence of drugs or alcohol (though using alcohol or drugs is not itself considered self-injury). Self-injury is different from suicidal self-harm, which is motivated by the intent to die and includes suicidal thinking. That said, people who self-injure are more likely than others to consider suicide (see: What raises the risk for self-injury?).[/vc_column_text][vc_tta_accordion shape=”square” color=”blue” c_icon=”chevron” active_section=”0″ collapsible_all=”true”][vc_tta_section title=”Attention-seeking, eating disorders, piercings, sex: Which behaviors are part of self-injury?” tab_id=”1501534356754-0bf85a4b-4500″][vc_column_text]

• Self-injury is not necessarily used as a way to get attention from others. However, some people may self-injure because they haven’t yet learned how to ask for what they need in healthier ways. If someone needs attention, take it seriously.

• Self-injury may co-occur with other issues, such as depression or anxiety, but it is not itself a disorder, diagnosis, or disease. Self-injury is a symptom.

• Eating disorders, such as anorexia or bulimia nervosa, are different from self-injury, though people with eating disorders are at higher risk of self-injury compared to the general population, according to a 2015 meta-analysis by the Cornell Research Program on Self-Injury and Recovery.

• Tattoos and piercings are not considered self-injury, unless someone is seeking out pain as a substitute for healthier ways to handle distress.

• Heavy drinking or drug abuse is not technically a form of self-injury, though the behaviors are often related. A 2011 study in the Journal of American College Health found that almost one in five students who self-injured did so when under the influence of alcohol or other substances.

• Self-injury is not the same as BDSM, erotic practices that involve submission and dominance, which may include consensual behaviors that cause physical pain. Self-injury is about seeking emotional release, while consensual BDSM practices are about sexual pleasure.

• Self-injury may be a means by which some people feel more in control of how and when they experience pain.

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Why do some people self-injure?

Self-injury can happen as a result of not being able to cope with certain stressors or emotions. “The behavior is seen a lot in college because the pressures during this timeframe—like grades, relationships, and jobs—increase,” says Dr. Retta Evans, associate professor of Community Health and Human Services at the University of Alabama at Birmingham.

Self-injury is more common in young adults who are also experiencing depression or anxiety, sexual abuse or trauma, eating disorders, or substance abuse. People who are LGBTQ are also at relatively high risk, perhaps because of the stress of social judgment. “Self-injury was a way to release inner pain that I didn’t know how to talk about,” says a third-year undergraduate at St. Clair College, Ontario.[/vc_column_text][vc_tta_accordion shape=”square” color=”blue” c_icon=”chevron” active_section=”0″ collapsible_all=”true”][vc_tta_section title=”6 reasons why people self-injure” tab_id=”1501534423916-b4714236-f07e”][vc_column_text]People self-injure for a variety of reasons. Sometimes those reasons evolve over time. In our survey, many students referred to self-injury as a temporary behavior that they had managed to move past. “When I was in foster care I began to self-injure. I had recently been removed from a very dangerous situation and was dealing with what I had survived. I stopped harming myself when I was ready; I meditated a lot and worked through my issues,” said a fourth-year undergraduate at Portland State University, Oregon.

These are among the most common reasons for self-injuring:

1  To experience emotions differently

“I have severe anxiety attacks. Self-injury is a form of manifesting the emotional pain into physical pain. By doing this, I tell myself my pain is real.”
—Second-year undergraduate, Portland State University, Oregon

2  To “take away” or escape from unwanted feelings or thoughts

“Self-injury to me meant an escape from emotional pain that I did not understand and did not want my family to see. It happened because I did not want to be seen as weak in my family’s eyes; I was supposed to be a role model.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, Dominican University, California

3  To bring recognition to their problems

“For me, it was a cry for attention. I was not getting the help I needed and had no real coping mechanisms.”
—First-year undergraduate, East Tennessee State University

4  To avoid taking anger out on someone else

“I got so angry that I hurt myself because I couldn’t hurt the other person. I am a nice person, but when people do mean things toward me, I hurt myself instead. It’s the only way I can vent.”
—Fourth-year graduate student, Berea College, Kentucky

5  To punish yourself or help you deal with a failure

“For me, self-injury was my way of punishing myself for who I was. I hated myself for things I did and the way I was. I hated who I was and thought I didn’t deserve happiness.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, California State University, Stanislaus

6  To continue the habit

“Self-injury was a form of punishing myself for perceived ‘stupidity’ when it began. But it’s currently a compulsion when I experience severe frustration or stress.”
—Second-year graduate student, University of Rhode Island[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][vc_tta_section title=”Who’s self-injuring in college?” tab_id=”1501535536126-1d4e3a40-24bb”][vc_column_text]Most people who self-injure start as teens—but self-injury is not a problem that goes away when they graduate high school. It can continue into college, restart when pressure builds, or begin later, experts say. “It’s very episodic, for a lot a people,” says Dr. Janis Whitlock, director of the Cornell Research Program on Self-Injury and Recovery at Cornell University, New York.

People don’t talk much about self-injuring, so it’s hard to know how commonly it happens. In a 2011 study, 15 percent of college students said they had self-injured at some point, and 7 percent had in the past year (Journal of American College Health), though estimates vary. In surveys, more women tend to report self-injury than men. On campuses, however, women and men may self-injure at similar rates. Most people who self-injure don’t seek support, research shows.[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][vc_tta_section title=”6 risk factors for self-injury” tab_id=”1501534424005-20653fb1-b291″][vc_column_text]

What raises the risk for self-injury?

1  Age

• Most people who self-injure start in their early to mid-teens, according to the Cornell Research Program on Self-Injury and Recovery.
• However, two studies found that close to 40 percent of participants who self-injured first did so at age 17 or later (Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 2008).
• Most self-injurers (80 percent) stop within five years, research shows.

2  Depression and anxiety

• In a 2009 study, participants with depression, anxiety, and perfectionist personality traits were significantly more vulnerable to self-injury, according to Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior.
• People who self-injure are more likely than others to consider or attempt suicide, research suggests. This may be because “people who have practice hurting their bodies may find it easier to hurt themselves lethally,” researchers say (Cornell Research Program on Self-Injury and Recovery website).

3  Child abuse and trauma

• Adolescents who had been abused as children were significantly more likely to self-injure than their peers who had not been abused—especially if they had been abused by more than one individual, a 2015 study in the journal PLOS One found.
• Even exposure to childhood abuse—for example, witnessing a sibling being abused—increases the later risk of self-harm, the researchers found.

4  Eating disorders

• A large cohort of people who self-injure—54–61 percent—also have some form of eating disorder, such as anorexia or bulimia, according to a 2007 meta-analysis in Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior.
• Bulimia is more likely than other eating disorders to co-occur with self-injury, according to the Journal of Adolescent Health (2011).
• Women with eating disorders are more likely to also self-injure than men with eating disorders, according to the same study.

5  Substance abuse

• Drug use and frequent heavy drinking are associated with higher rates of self-injury, according to a 2010 study of almost 6,000 students in the Journal of Addictive Behaviors.
• The researchers also found that self-injurers who used drugs were more depressed (another risk factor for self-injury) than those who didn’t use drugs.

6  Minority sexual or gender identity

• Lesbian and gay adolescents are over twice as likely to self-injure as their heterosexual peers, according to a 2011 study in the Journal of American College Health.
• People who identify as bisexual have the highest rates of self-injury. The same study found that bisexual adolescents were over three times as likely to self-injure as their heterosexual peers.
• The higher rates of self-injury among the LGB community may be due to societal judgment about their identity, the stress of coming out, and the lack of belonging (especially among those who identify as bisexual), the researchers speculated.
• Self-injury is relatively common among trans youths, especially those with higher levels of transphobia (conflict about their own identity) and interpersonal tensions, according to the Journal of Sexual Medicine (2016).

[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][vc_tta_section title=”Is gender relevant to self-injury?” tab_id=”1501535604596-d7f090d6-c070″][vc_column_text]Research is currently mixed on this issue. Girls and women seem to self-injure more commonly than boys and men do. But some studies suggest that during young adulthood, men and women may self-injure at similar rates. For example, the 2011 study of college students found that women were more likely than men to report that they had ever self-injured, but women and men were equally likely to say they had self-injured within the past year (Journal of American College Health). (The student comments in this article come from men and women.)

Researchers have two main theories that may help explain the perceived gender differences in self-injury:

• Women are more likely to speak up about self-injury; perhaps societal gender stereotypes make it easier for women than men to talk about emotional health issues.
• Men’s self-harming behavior may be brushed aside as “typical male aggression.”

“In some ways, men are better at hiding it than women [perhaps due to traditional gender roles]. If we see wounds on a guy’s knuckles we [might] assume he’s been working on a car or in a fight,” says Dr. Whitlock. “To an outsider, it looks like they’re trying to cause someone else pain, but the underlying motivation is often to cause themselves pain. For women, the telltale cuts on arms or ankles might be more obvious.”

Student voices

“My self-injury involved punching walls and seeking out fights to vent anger and frustration. Usually under the influence of alcohol.”
—Fifth-year undergraduate (male), University of New Brunswick

“For many years I cut my thighs. They are horribly scarred now. I chose my thighs because I was embarrassed and didn’t want it to be obvious. I did it to cope and calm down because it always cleared my head. I was in a dark place, but I hid it from my friends and family
—just like the scars.” —Fourth-year undergraduate (female), University of New Brunswick [/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][/vc_tta_accordion][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]

How to help yourself or a friend who self-injures

Usually, when people learn how to cope with their emotions and talk about how they feel, they experience less of an urge to hurt themselves. Simple techniques and skills can decrease the intensity of emotions and make them more manageable. “Finding a different outlet [for distress] was the key to my recovery,” says a second-year undergraduate at SAIT Polytechnic, Alberta. These three approaches can help you or a friend:

1  Reach out and talk

If you are self-injuring, reach out. Talk to a friend, mentor, RA, professor, member of your religious community, or member of your support group (in person or online). Ask for their support, and spend time with people who make you feel good.

If you’re concerned that someone else may be self-injuring, check in with them. “Let your friend know you care,” says Dr. Lance Swenson, associate professor in psychology at Suffolk University, Massachusetts. “Remind your friend you are there to listen. Tell them you can help them get help. Most people who self-injure are not consciously aware of why they are [doing it], at least not in the moment.” Seek out support for yourself too, so that you’re in a strong position to be there for your friend.[/vc_column_text][vc_tta_accordion shape=”square” color=”blue” c_icon=”chevron” active_section=”0″ collapsible_all=”true”][vc_tta_section title=”How to talk to a friend who is self-injuring” tab_id=”1501534549086-221d6f58-cc90″][vc_column_text]“Let your friend know you care,” says Dr. Lance Swenson, an associate professor in the psychology department at Suffolk University, Massachusetts. “Remind your friend you are there to listen. Tell them you can help them get help. Most people who self-injure are not consciously aware of why they are [doing it], at least not in the moment. They shouldn’t feel like they have to face it alone.”

That said, it’s not on you to solve this. “The roots of self-injurious behavior are likely very complicated. No matter how much you care about a friend, and how hard you try to help, they may continue this behavior despite your best efforts to help them,” says Dr. Davis Smith, a physician at the University of Connecticut.

How to talk to a friend you are concerned about:

• Ask straightforward, direct questions in a calm manner, such as, “Are you thinking about hurting yourself?”
• Actively listen—focus on what they’re saying—then offer support.
• Take your friend seriously. If your friend mentions any thoughts about suicide, especially a plan or method, call 911 or speak to a dean or campus counselor.
• Encourage your friend to talk to a trusted mentor, RA, professor, coach, or member of their religious community; be there for them, but do not take on the full burden yourself.
• Encourage your friend to consider seeking help from a licensed mental health professional (for example, a psychologist, social worker, or counselor—ask at your campus health center or counseling center).

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2  Test coping strategies and figure out what works

If you’re concerned about a friend, you may be able to help them explore these techniques. If you’re self-injuring, test these strategies and take note of what helps. “Distress tolerance skills” can be used in place of self-injury. See Get help or find out more (below) for more info.[/vc_column_text][vc_tta_accordion shape=”square” color=”blue” c_icon=”chevron” active_section=”0″ collapsible_all=”true”][vc_tta_section title=”10 healthy ways to channel painful feelings” tab_id=”1501534597808-8048f0e1-8974″][vc_column_text]1  Do the opposite of what you feel:

For example, listen to your favorite upbeat song, or watch a funny YouTube video. Look in the mirror and smile—watch as your expression changes.

2  Exercise hard and fast:

Do 25 jumping jacks, go for a jog, or dance around the room. Research shows that cardio exercise can reduce your stress and improve your mood. Regular physical activity can be protective.

3  Use your five senses:

This helps you connect with what is going on around you and anchor yourself in the present moment. For example, sink your heels into the floor or ground and focus on how it feels beneath your body. Hold something soft or fuzzy. Squeeze a stress ball. Place a cool, wet washcloth on your face. Light a scented candle and breathe in deeply. Cook and/or eat your favorite food and really allow yourself to enjoy the flavor. Go for a walk or drive and take in the sights and smells. Take ice from the freezer and hold it tightly in your hand. Get into warm water (take a shower or bath).

4  Take slow, deep breaths:

Imagine you are blowing up a balloon. When you inhale deeply, your lower belly should expand. Count to three on each inhale and each exhale.

5  Think about your emotions:

Face them instead of pushing them away. Labeling an emotion (e.g., “My heart is racing and I’m feeling anxious”) can often help you figure out why you’re feeling that way (e.g., “I have a big exam coming up next week and I’m anxious about studying for it”). Write down how you’re feeling in a notebook or journal.

6  Focus on your heart:

Put your hand on your heart so you can feel your heartbeat and count the beats per minute. Try to slow down your heart rate by taking slow, deep breaths.

7  Actively cherish what you have:

Look at pictures on your phone or computer that make you smile. Make a list of all of the things you are grateful for or happy about in your life.

8  Actively cherish who you are:

Make a list of your accomplishments—e.g., “I do pretty well in school,” “I am a caring friend,” “I take excellent care of my dog.”

9  Sink into something else:

Read a book, story, or article. Listen to your favorite music, play an instrument, or sing (even if you have no musical talent!). Engage in your favorite hobby or master a skill, such as gardening, cooking, baking, playing a video game, knitting, painting, or drawing.

10  Prioritize sleep:

Get up as close to the same time every day as possible; this will help you go to bed at a more regular time too. Your bed is for sleeping only (no electronics or social networking). Relish it.[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][/vc_tta_accordion][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]

3  Consider seeking professional support

Checking in with a counselor can relieve some of the pressure and help you find strategies and resources you wouldn’t otherwise know about—whether it’s you who’s self-injuring or your friend. Your student health center or counseling center may be able to help directly or refer you to an expert medical provider. Certain therapeutic techniques—such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or dialectical behavioral therapy—are designed to build healthy coping skills directly. If you ever feel suicidal, call 911, go to the nearest emergency room, or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

“I did not want to feel hopeless and alone anymore,” says a first-year undergraduate at California State University, Channel Islands. “I decided go to counseling to cope with my self-injuring tendencies. Every session I attended helped me gain the confidence to be myself, and most importantly, to love myself. Don’t be afraid to seek help.”

Find out here

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Making it through (just)

“I never thought I’d make it out of middle school. The girls had turned all my other friends against me, spread false rumors, and made my life a living hell. The principal told me that there was nothing he could do about the online harassment. I was fortunate enough to have had family support, but others aren’t so lucky or it’s too late. Had my mom not stopped me from hanging myself, I don’t know if I’d be typing this right now.”
—Second-year undergraduate, Mount Royal University, Alberta

“In my first year, a classmate targeted me and stole online copies of my artwork. Reporting the issue had no impact at all. These incidents were hateful. I quit going to college—they had failed to investigate the harassment—and the student graduated with honors well before I decided to return. Why was my fair opportunity to learn disregarded? The cost has been far more severe than it ever should have been.”
—Second-year student, Illinois

Disconnecting from others’ humanity

“Online, a person’s humanity becomes virtual and therefore dispensable.”
—Second-year undergraduate, Johns Hopkins University, Maryland

“You forget someone is on the other side of things. If you laugh about it with your friends, you just see funny words on a screen rather than the other person’s reaction. Once [I realized] the other person’s reaction, I had regrets.”
—Third-year undergraduate, Villanova University, Pennsylvania

“I have seen transgender individuals post pictures on social media and random people leave insulting comments. I find it disgusting and think people have ‘keyboard confidence’ and hide behind a computer screen.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, University of Miami, Florida

Making space for everyone

“By listening to people’s stories, we can get a much bigger picture of what their lives are. Listening to other people also helps us overcome our insensitivity. We must educate ourselves and understand the problems that each group or person faces, instead of sitting and watching from a distance or behind the computer.”
—Second-year student, Santa Rosa Junior College, California

“Even as an adult, there are times I don’t think before I speak. There are many things I do not realize could be harmful to someone because I am not in their position (whether they are a part of the LGBTQ+ community or another nondominant group). It’s helpful for us to share our experiences in order for all of us to learn.”
—Third-year graduate student, University of Windsor, Ontario

Stepping up as a bystander

“I like to help these people see the error in their behavior and ignore their rude comments, [responding] with comments of hope.”
—Third-year graduate student, Ashford University (online)

“Someone made a comment applying an Asian stereotype. This person kept leaving ignorant comments about my ethnicity. Shortly after, the person removed his/her comments and apologized after a few people got involved.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, University of Windsor, Ontario

Looking back on lashing out

“It feels ridiculous and baseless afterwards. I’ve deleted accounts because of the shame I’ve felt.”
—Second-year graduate student, University of California, Los Angeles

“I decided to send him an explicit message online in a private message. He said he wasn’t interested, but I kept asking him for dates and sex. He reported me to our employer. I didn’t realize my behavior made him feel uncomfortable, and I stopped.”
—First-year student, Oakton Community College, Illinois

Prioritizing positive communication

“I was raised to treat others the way I want to be treated, and when it comes to online interaction I still need to apply that rule. Just because you can be anonymous doesn’t mean you can spread negativity.”
—Second-year student, College of the Desert, California

“I think I’m pretty open-minded, I try to be kind, and I definitely avoid reading the comments section.”
—Third-year undergraduate, University of Victoria, British Columbia

Seeing abuse as a symptom of perpetrators’ struggles

“Those who bully have issues in their own life. Those who tear others down usually do it to feel better about themselves.”
—Second-year undergraduate, Oregon Institute of Technology

“An acquaintance/old friend calls me [derogatory slurs] online when he is drunk. I know he is not a bad person overall (although he is a two-faced jerk) and is going through a rough time. I don’t report it but I won’t be his friend any more.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, Portland State University, Oregon

“I think it has to do with feelings of being rejected and the belief that women who behave sexually belong to you or are less deserving of respect. The way we as a society dehumanize women and make them into sexual objects are contributing factors.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, Portland State University, Oregon

Initiating or escalating unkindness

“In online games with anonymity [when] I don’t know the other person, I try to be funny. Sometimes it went too far and I was outright mean.”
—Third-year undergraduate, Stanford University, California

“Sometimes people don’t realize how differently people can interpret comments. Even if you call someone out for spelling something wrong, that person may feel embarrassed [or] anxious, start stressing about whether or not they should take down the post, etc. We are so exposed online that any kind of comment has the potential to make waves.”
—Second-year graduate student, Drake University, Iowa

Moving forward (if the situation allows)

“Growing up I had this skin condition that caused my skin to be spotty. Two people posted online that people with ugly skin conditions should wear a wetsuit so that no one would have to see their disgusting skin. I was very self-conscious and tried to get out of swim class, but after a week of slouching around I decided I shouldn’t do that any more. I got back to doing something that I love and I beat those boys in swimming races the rest of the season.”
—Second-year graduate student, Wayne State University School of Medicine, Michigan

“I’m plus size. Due to that, I receive lots of rude and crude comments about my physical body. When it first started it really hurt my feelings and bothered me, but once I become happy with myself and my body, it didn’t. Someone else’s opinion doesn’t affect how I feel about myself.”
—Second-year undergraduate, University of Central Arkansas

Targeting people for who they are

“A random girl on Instagram posted along the lines of, ‘Being gay and being a murderer are both sins, but I would want the murderer to kill you so it will quicken your trip to hell.’ That was the tone and the intensity.”
—Third-year undergraduate, University of Miami, Florida

“I am African [and that] seemed to be enough reason for an individual to call me dirty because they disagreed with an opinion I held on sports. I am also female, and this seemed to anger another, who abused me because of my gender.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, Saint Mary’s University, Nova Scotia

“He was trying to get me to feel bad about myself while trying to get me to have sex with him. I had never even met him. I was still in high school, and it was a really scary experience.”
—Third-year undergraduate, Berea College, Kentucky

June is here, and several massive changes are just around the corner. First, no more mindfulness columns until next fall! (I know; I’m sad about it too.) Second, summer break is coming up, if you care about that sort of thing. Third (getting serious now), a major transition like the end of the school year offers a special opportunity, and here it is:

Transition periods are among the easiest times to create new habits, according to psychology research. Want to create a simple, low-effort habit that will integrate the practice of mindfulness into your day? Create a mindfulness trigger—something that sets you up for a few moments of mindfulness several times a day.

How to find your mindfulness trigger

Pick any minor, routine activity that you do every day (e.g., washing your hands or flipping on a light switch). Make this activity a mindfulness trigger: Every time you do the activity, try to remember to do it mindfully. That means paying nonjudgmental attention to the experience through your senses.

For example, when you turn on the faucet, think, “Aha! This is my trigger to be mindful.” Then, as you wash, tune your attention into the raw sensory experience of washing: the sensations of coldness, wetness, and contact as the water hits your hands, the sound and sight of the water, and so on.

Be more interested in the sensory experience than in evaluating the experience (e.g., “This feels good!” “Ugh, this water is too cold!”) or telling stories about it (e.g., “I’d better wash fast, I’m running late…”). This exercise has two benefits. It sharpens your mindfulness skills and helps bring mindfulness to the forefront throughout your day. In addition, it turns routine activities into surprisingly rich and enjoyable experiences.

Unless you are the Dalai Lama, you will sometimes forget about your trigger and carry out the activity obliviously. For example, you may wash your hands and not remember until a half-hour later that you were supposed to do so mindfully. That’s OK! This is a practice, and proficiency takes time.

Eventually, remembering this trigger activity will become a habit. Then, when you feel ready, you can add a second activity. Over time, you’ll add more and more mindful moments to your day.

—Jamie K.*, Ashford University (online)

(*Name changed)

I spent a winter break working at Okemo Mountain as a lift operator. I was staying on a hill across the valley from the mountain and had a steep downhill drive to get to work. One morning after a fresh snowfall, I lost traction and slid into a ditch. After a kind man used his truck to pull my car back out to the road, I asked him: “What’s the best way to slow down my car in such a situation?” His answer? “Don’t drive so fast.” The moral of the story is that safe driving and good health are about preparation and prevention. Think about staying healthy during the semester and, chances are, you’ll succeed. Wait until it’s too late and…it will be too late.

No secrets here: Get enough sleep, be regularly physically active, eat well, wash your hands, limit your saliva sharing, get a flu shot, and avoid overindulging in intoxicants and smoke.

Sleep

There’s compelling evidence that people who don’t get enough sleep are about 30 percent more likely to catch a cold than those who do. Sleep eight-plus hours a night, ideally going to sleep and waking up at about the same time most nights. I’m a firm believer, and the evidence supports me, that it’s better to get a full night’s sleep even if you haven’t finished your work. Go to bed, get a good night’s sleep, and find time the next day to get caught up. Cut back on whatever you’re doing instead of studying, and get your work wrapped up by an hour or so before a reasonable bedtime. Sleep helps you concentrate better and learn more efficiently. More attention to sleep means less time needed to accomplish the same amount of studying, reading, writing, etc.

Physical activity

Like sleep, regular physical activity has a positive effect on your mood. It can serve as a mental break from other pursuits and lead to more efficient study time.

Maintain a healthy diet

Eat some fresh fruits and vegetables. If you have the facilities, why not prepare a nice meal for you and a friend?

Wash your hands

You’d be amazed at the benefits of adding a little soap and water to your hands before touching your nose or face and before eating. This can prevent many illnesses. Also remember to dry your hands thoroughly.

Limit saliva sharing

Most illnesses are spread from person to person, especially common ones like colds, flu, and mono. Sharing things like food and drinks is nice. Try to do it in a way that limits the number of people that have contact with your food before you eat it.

Get a flu shot

Nothing to explain. Get a flu shot. You heard it here first. Actually, you probably didn’t. I sure hope not, at least.

Avoid overindulgence

I’m not trying to take all the fun out of your life. I’m just saying that when you overindulge, your decision making will be negatively affected. Your devotion to care and caution may slip a bit—or a lot.

Bonus piece of unsolicited advice, yours absolutely free!

Allow me to introduce you to the idea of productive procrastination: If you’re not going to work, spend the time doing something positive, like cleaning up your living space, working out, preparing a good-quality meal, or knitting toques for seafarers. You’ll feel better about the time away from the books and your quality of life will be improved.

Sometimes your luck is bad. Despite all your efforts to prevent illness, you might still get sick when the demands on you are high. It’s not the end of the world. If the stress is academic, get in touch with your instructors and dean ASAP. It’s not the first time this has happened. You can work it out.

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Most of us have witnessed online harassment. For that matter, most of us report that we’ve experienced it, according to surveys. Young adults are the most likely to be abused online. That experience can make it harder for students to attend class or concentrate on learning, according to a survey by Hollaback!, a coalition to prevent harassment. Online harassment can raise the risk of suicide in adults who are already experiencing emotional or situational stress, according to a 2011 study in Educational Leadership.

How can you respond if you or a friend is harassed online? How can you make sure your own online presence is positive? The prevalence of trolling, roasting, stalking, and other forms of harassment gives us all opportunities to intervene. Online behavior is contagious, studies show. We are all well positioned to model respectful behavior on social networks, influence a comment thread that’s veering toward abuse, and help build more positive online spaces in which everyone can participate freely. Leaders in the tech industry have our backs on this as they work to make online spaces more accommodating for all. For six steps to keeping the cyber-peace, see below. For resources and tools, see Get help or find out more. For guidance on how to argue constructively online and off, see Tame the tension: Science-backed ways to talk it out in this issue.[/vc_column_text][vc_tta_accordion shape=”square” c_icon=”chevron” active_section=”” collapsible_all=”true”][vc_tta_section title=”Is this harassment? What it looks like and how to know” tab_id=”1501702782877-15431f5c-f54f”][vc_column_text]Online harassment includes one-time incidents as well as cases of cyberbullying that unfold over months or years. It includes attacks based on race, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, religion, appearance, and more. Severe harassment online has been linked to notorious controversies, such as “GamerGate,” when harassers targeted women in the video game industry. In a polarized political environment that has seen documented increases in hate crimes, online harassment has made for alarming headlines, as when the writer Milo Yiannopoulos was banned from Twitter for inciting racist abuse.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”Online harassment takes various forms:” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left|color:%23000000″ google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]

• Trolling (sometimes called flaming) means posting comments with the intention of triggering distress in others.
• Roasting is a direct attack on another person’s view or position.
• Exclusion involves singling out someone and not letting them participate in group chats or threads, and/or making negative comments toward them.
• Harassment means repeatedly attacking a person, often by insulting their racial, ethnic, gender, sexual, or religious identity.
• Cyberstalking involves repeated, unwanted online contact with the purpose of tracking, threatening, or harassing someone.
• Doxing means using online sources to trace someone’s identity and gather information about them, then using that information to harm or harass the person.
• Outing involves the malicious release of personal and private information about a person.
• Masquerading means creating a fake identity in order to harass someone anonymously or impersonate someone else.

Quiz: Is it cyberbullying? (Affordable Colleges Online)[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][vc_tta_section title=”Who is commonly harassed online?” tab_id=”1501702783048-d6ece98f-4712″][vc_column_text]Some communities are targeted by cyberbullying more frequently than others. Young people, women, and LGBT youth report especially high rates of harassment online. Here’s what that looks like:

• Two in three (65 percent) of young adult internet users (aged 18–29) have been the target of at least one of six identified types of online harassment, according to a 2014 study by the Pew Research Center.
• 10–28 percent of college students experience cyberbullying, according to an analysis of seven recent studies (Sage Open, 2014).
• Men seem more likely than women to report online harassment overall (44 percent versus 37 percent), especially name-calling, being purposefully embarrassed, and physical threats, according to the Pew study.
• Young women aged 18–24 seem more likely than other demographics to experience certain severe types of harassment. In the Pew survey, one in four young women had been stalked online, and the same proportion had been sexually harassed online.
• Sexual harassment in general is often targeted at women who are perceived to violate stereotypical gender norms, according to “The Sexual Harassment of Uppity Women,” a study in the Journal of Applied Psychology (2007). This finding helps explain the later “GamerGate” online abuse directed at women in the video game industry.
• LGBT youth are cyberbullied at significantly higher rates than their heterosexual peers, with 54 percent experiencing it within the past three months, according to a national study in the International Journal of Critical Pedagogy (2010).
• Disabled people are targeted for online abuse, though the current research is slight. A 2016 study involving 19 disabled people concluded that harassers targeted people with disabilities and the impact was more severe for reasons relating to the disabilities (Disability and Society). Grade-school students receiving special education services are more likely than their peers to report being victimized online, according to the Journal of Special Education (2013).

[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][vc_tta_section title=”What’s at state with online harassment?” tab_id=”1501703308443-4a96dd7d-a6e8″][vc_column_text]Online harassment and cyberbullying have widespread and well-documented consequences. For example:

• Distress More than one in four people who’d experienced online harassment found it “extremely upsetting” or “very upsetting,” in the 2014 Pew survey.
• Isolation Students who experience online abuse report higher rates of isolation. One in four people harassed online withdrew from social media, the internet, or their phones as a result, according to a 2016 report by the Data & Society Research Institute.
• Emotional and behavioral health risks Children and teenagers who are cyberbullied or harassed online are nearly twice as likely as their peers to experience depression and substance abuse, a 2007 study in Child Maltreatment found. Cyberbullying negatively affects grade-school students’ school attendance and academic achievement, according to a 2012 study in the Journal of School Violence.
• Suicide risk Online harassment can raise adults’ suicide risk by exacerbating loneliness and hopelessness among those with preexisting stressors, according to Educational Leadership (2011). Among young teens, both the perpetrators and targets of cyberbullying are more likely than their peers to attempt suicide, the same study found.
• Censorship Online harassment appears to curtail free speech. One in four Americans censor themselves online out of fear of online harassment, Hack Harassment reports.

[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][vc_tta_section title=”Why do some people harass others online?” tab_id=”1501703355886-30534274-5d75″][vc_column_text]Not all online harassers have antisocial traits such as lacking empathy. Even ordinary people (who don’t have personality issues) can be induced to troll in certain circumstances, researchers from Cornell University, New York, found. Here’s what can drive us to trolling:

• We’re in a bad mood (this helps explain why trolling intensifies late at night and on Mondays).
• We’re participating in a thread or conversation that started with a “troll comment” or in which trolling is already underway (the more trolling is happening already, the more likely we will troll too).

In the online environment, we can choose to be anonymous, a factor that lowers the behavioral bar. That can make it easier for even those of us who are generally well- intentioned to dish out sarcasm or insults, and disconnect from others’ feelings. In our survey, many students acknowledged that they’d done this and regretted it.

The research paints a predictably unflattering picture of some habitual online harassers. Perpetrators may be motivated by the following:

• A perceived way to stay popular Harassing others online may make the perpetrator feel powerful, and may be their response to low self-esteem, according to Delete Cyberbullying, a project aimed at parents and grade-school students.

• A sense of failure or threat In a 2010 study, men who harassed women players during a video game appeared to be less skilled at the game than their peers, according to a 2010 study in PLOS One.

• Low empathy In a 2014 study of college students, lower empathy toward others was associated with a higher likelihood of cyberbullying, according to Computers in Human Behavior.

• Other personality disorder traits Persistent trolling is associated with narcissism, a willingness to inflict harm, and a willingness to manipulate and deceive others, according to a 2014 study in Personality and Individual Differences.

• Anger toward victims Online stalking tends to be associated with the perpetrators’ distress and anger toward their targets (though personality issues can be a factor), a 2000 study in Aggression and Violent Behavior suggests.

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1. Set a respectful and considerate tone and standard

The majority of our online presence is communal. Every contribution we make adds to the overall tone of the online space. Kindness is contagious. By engaging respectfully with others, you reinforce the expectation that others do the same.

2. Practice engaging constructively on difficult or contentious topics

Disagreeing with a friend’s opinion or disputing someone’s argument is all well and good—depending on how we go about it. For a guide to constructive arguing and how to influence someone’s opinion, see Tame the tension: Science-backed ways to talk it out in this issue of SH101.

3. Apologize when it’s merited, even if your slight was unintentional

If you hear that you have hurt someone, apologize. Communicating digitally can sometimes obscure the very real three-dimensional people who are reading and hearing our words. It’s important to remember that, even in the midst of heated or highly charged conversations. If the platform allows you to delete, retract, or qualify a contentious comment, do so.

4. Ask for clarification if you need it

If you don’t know why what you said was hurtful, you can ask for clarification. To the best of your ability, do so with respect and compassion. You could say something like, “I’m sorry that I upset you with my comment. Could you tell me why that word is hurtful? I want to be sure I don’t make the same mistake again.”

5. Stay chill when you feel misunderstood

Resist calling people out personally with inflammatory and divisive terms. If you think a comment has racist or sexist implications, try assuming those were unintentional and pointing them out gently. By the same token, if you see yourself as a fair person and someone says that your comment was discriminatory, try to resist getting defensive. We are all coming from our own complex places. If you’ve asked for clarification and didn’t get it, reiterate that your intention was positive, and let it go.

6. Use the reporting tools

Platforms and sites rely on their users to report abusive or disrespectful behavior that violates community standards. You can help create a safer environment by reporting harassment and abuse when you see or experience it.

7. Use your moderator powers for good

If you’re the administrator or moderator of an online group, forum, or list, take initiative to set the tone for positive, respectful interactions. You can do so by:

• Establishing community standards or guidelines (pinning a post about rules to the top of a page helps reduce trolling, according to a 2016 experiment by r/science, a Reddit community)
• Creating a clear reporting structure for harassment or abuse
• Reaching out for help and support if you run into trouble
• Being open to feedback from your community and others

8. Support people and platforms doing good work

In recent years, the tech industry has been taking a more active approach to preventing and addressing cyberbullying and harassment. There are several great initiatives you can learn from and support, including:

Facebook’s Bullying Prevention Hub
This online resource, developed in partnership with the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, offers information on and strategies for addressing cyberbullying. It includes detailed and practical conversation starters and step-by-step plans for students, parents, and educators looking to address a bullying incident, whether they are speaking with the person being bullied or the person inflicting the bullying. This resource also offers concrete strategies for proactively preventing online harassment and cyberbullying.

Hack Harassment
This coalition, led by Intel, Vox Media, and Lady Gaga’s Born This Way Foundation, aims to build a more inclusive and supportive online community. You can get involved and commit to building that more inclusive and supportive online community through the Hack Harassment website. There, you can sign up to be a Campus Ambassador, host a #HackHarassment hackathon, or apply for a grant to fund your own harassment-hacking project.

People who are harassed online tend to turn to trusted friends, teachers, and family members for help, according to a 2012 study in the Journal of School Violence. Receiving support, both online and off, can have a tremendously positive impact on how someone copes with and responds to online harassment. Here’s how to go about it:

1. Think about what you can potentially accomplish

“Your goal might be to approach a friend involved in a bullying incident, but you don’t know how to approach them or what to say. Or you might choose to report something that you see online that seems unsafe for one of the people involved,” says Dr. Robin Stern, associate director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence at Yale University, Connecticut.

2. Reach out and offer support

You can reach out directly to the person experiencing harassment. Express your alarm at what’s happened and ask what you can do to help. Bear in mind that responding with emojis or “likes” can sometimes be misleading.

3.Add positive comments to a negative thread

If you see insults or attacks online—for example, against a writer discussing sexual violence—consider contributing some positive words. Offering encouragement and support is a simple way to mitigate the effect of online harassment. Manners (good and bad) are contagious. Modeling civility and constructive commentary online can potentially dissuade others from trolling, according to a 2017 study by researchers at Cornell University. That said…

4. Ask before you act on someone else’s behalf

If you want to confront the aggressor or request an apology on behalf of the person who’s been wronged, this is not a decision to make alone. Work with the targeted person and respect their wishes about how to proceed. They might prefer to not confront the aggressor, or to report the issue to the relevant site directly. Except for situations of acute danger, do not take action on their behalf if you have not been asked to do so.

5. Check in with your own feelings

“It is important to reflect on your own feelings before talking with someone affected by a bullying incident because you want to make sure that you are in a place where you can have that conversation,” says Dr. Stern. “If you yourself are emotionally activated, which is understandable and may well be the case, then you won’t be able to have that conversation from a place of calm. If you lower your own emotional activation, you are going to be able to more effectively help the person in the interaction regulate their own emotions.”

6. Seek support, off-line and on

“It is important to talk it through with someone you trust and who you believe is wise about this sort of thing. You might turn to a trusted peer or RA or dean who can help you think about how to approach the incident, depending on your goal,” says Dr. Stern. Tell someone you trust and who is in a position to help. Alternatively, you might report the incident to the site or platform, group administrator, or moderator. If someone is being harmed, about to be harmed, or threatening harm, take that seriously and get help immediately.[/vc_column_text][vc_tta_accordion shape=”square” c_icon=”chevron” active_section=”” collapsible_all=”true”][vc_tta_section title=”Is this harassment? What it looks like and how to know” tab_id=”1501703774364-60ace7e4-0c2c”][vc_column_text]Most online platforms give you tools to curate what content you see and with whom you interact online. Explore the options available to you and decide what you share online and who can see it. These approaches can help:[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”Take advantage of customization tools” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left|color:%23000000″ google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Online platforms frequently give you control over the level of connection you want to have with someone. You can choose to block content or people whose content you don’t want to see. On some platforms, this decision can be separate from whether you remain friends with those users (e.g., on Facebook you can unfollow a person’s posts without unfriending the person).[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”Pick your friends” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left|color:%23000000″ google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]There is a lot to be said for trying to work through differences with people who hold varying opinions and making sure we’re exposed to viewpoints that are not the same as ours. However, if you are experiencing harassment from a user online, especially someone you don’t know or don’t have a strong relationship with off-line, you can choose to prevent that user from contacting you.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”Protect your privacy” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left|color:%23000000″ google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Review your privacy settings on all social media. You have control over who sees your posts and what online activity is viewable to others.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”Consider making online magic” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left|color:%23000000″ google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Several free software options and plugins allow you to make more customized and creative choices about what you see online. For example, Sweary mary is a Chrome Extension that replaces swear words with witty alternatives.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”Be aware that not all sites are created equal” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left|color:%23000000″ google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Some platforms do a better job than others of giving their users the tools and support they need to have a safe and fulfilling online experience. As an informed user, you can decide which sites you want to trust with your time and information, and which you’d rather pass on.[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][/vc_tta_accordion][vc_column_text]

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Eating should be easy, shouldn’t it? It should work like this: We get hungry, we eat what feels good for us, and we’re all set. But in reality, eating is way more complicated. Too often, for too many of us, getting a snack or dinner involves confronting a messy pileup of conflicting rules, instincts, signals, and feelings. Ever wished you weren’t eating the thing you were actually eating at that moment? Ever hashtagged your life story #bodygoals or #foodguilt? Ever wanted a straightforward way out of this?

Eating intuitively—also known as eating mindfully or consciously—is a whole different way of thinking about how to eat. It can help us get healthier by various measures, and feel good too (about our bodies and in other ways), research suggests. Eating intuitively means clearing out some of the stuff in that messy pileup—so yes, it’s a departure from our cultural norm, something we need to think about and practice. Yet at the same time, eating intuitively is not a new skill.

Eating intuitively or mindfully is about cuing into our mind and body, figuring out what feels right, and acting on those signals, just as we evolved to do. “Eating intuitively is a way of using your body’s wisdom—your intuition—to guide your decisions around food,” says Lauren Fowler, RD, a nutritionist with expertise in eating disorders, based in Vermont. “Instead of following rigid, restrictive diets, intuitive eating is the process of tuning into your body’s cues for hunger, fullness, and what you want to eat in that moment.”

How eating intuitively helps

For many of us, decisions about how we eat are driven, to some extent, by our body image and ideas about how to control our weight. This is true of people who have a diagnosable eating disorder (a medical condition), and also, to some extent, true of many people who don’t. This motivation for food choices tends to backfire, research shows (see right). In contrast, eating mindfully or intuitively seems to set us up for positive outcomes. In a 2014 meta-analysis of 26 studies in Public Health Nutrition, researchers concluded that eating intuitively or mindfully was a better way than dieting to maintain a healthy weight. It also resulted in improved psychological health, lower blood pressure and “bad” cholesterol, and healthier eating habits, compared with weight-driven diets or nothing at all.

Eating mindfully is not about weight loss. That said, some studies suggest it can help with weight management as a side effect of developing a healthier relationship with food. In another 2014 meta-analysis, researchers found that a mindful eating approach helped participants ditch unhealthy (and ineffective) weight-loss strategies, improve their metabolic fitness, and be more satisfied with their bodies (Journal of the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics). That’s a win-win-win.

Why weight-loss approaches can let us down

“Weight bias” or shame is disempowering and reduces our ability to take care of ourselves, according to a 2014 study in the I (and other studies).

Some health care providers who specialize in eating-related issues point out that body shame and dieting can contribute to stigma, anxiety, and disordered eating. “Diets require you to ignore hunger or cut out foods you may really enjoy. Often, this leads people into a cycle of obsessing about food or binging on food,” says Lauren Fowler, RD.

What works better? “By learning to trust your body [through eating intuitively], you can eat then move on with your day, instead of obsessing or feeling guilty about eating,” says Fowler.

Increasingly, eating mindfully as a positive approach to self-care is influencing medical research and practice. “Learning to eat for your body’s health needs, rather than for other reasons like image or social rules, leads to less stress, and less guilt and shame, and is associated with a number of health benefits,” says Dr. Marc Weigensberg, an associate professor at the University of Southern California’s Keck School of Medicine, who researches the psychological and physiological factors that influence obesity and chronic disease risk.

7 steps to becoming an intuitive eater

In some ways, this approach to eating may feel counterintuitive. Can we really lose the baggage associated with body shape and food—baggage that is so familiar we may not even see that we’re dragging it around? That’s a valid point. Still, think about this: Eating intuitively is about reconnecting with what our bodies and minds already know how to do. As we practice mindful eating, we may develop a healthy and pleasurable relationship with food, and with ourselves, research suggests. Check out these seven steps. Click on each one for more info and students’ perspectives.

[/vc_column_text][vc_tta_accordion shape=”square” c_icon=”chevron” active_section=”” collapsible_all=”true”][vc_tta_section title=”Build body awareness” tab_id=”1494997907691-a6b0f2b0-5355″][vc_column_text]Tune in to your cues. How hungry are you? What do you want to eat? How or where do you want to eat?  Check in with yourself before you pick up lunch in the cafeteria or hit up the vending machine. While you’re eating, be attentive to when your body becomes satisfied. No matter how good that froyo is, too much just makes you feel sick.

Three ways to build body awareness

1. Hear what your body is telling you

Once you’ve determined that you’re actually hungry, focus on what your body is telling you, says Lauren Fowler, RD, a nutritionist with expertise in eating disorders. If you can’t stop thinking about a bowl of pasta after track practice, it’s probably because your body needs carbs. Eating mindfully suggests you’re better off reaching for the rigatoni than trying to get by on a simple salad.

2. Check in with yourself every few hours

“You can work on this by checking in with your body every few hours to prioritize nourishment,” says Fowler. “You’ll find that you may be able to focus better, have more energy, and feel better throughout the day with consistent fuel.” To get into the habit of consistent check-ins, consider setting up an alert on your laptop or phone.

3. As you eat, focus on fullness

“A very small percentage of people have the full time and attention to eat a pea and say, ‘Am I full yet?’” says Dr. Brian Wansink, author of Slim by Design: Mindless Eating Solutions for Everyday Life (William Morrow, 2014), and director of the Food and Brand Lab at Cornell University, New York. Pay attention to portion sizes up front, and check in with yourself to see if your body wants seconds or if you’re actually full.

Student perspectives

“The college environment isn’t good for weight management. Students are pressed for time with studying, and fast food is both convenient and tastes good, which satisfies one temporarily.” 
—Fourth-year undergraduate, Temple University, Pennsylvania

“[Intuitive eating has helped me] listen to my body when it tells me I am no longer hungry instead of stuffing myself because the food is too good.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, State University of New York at Oswego[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][vc_tta_section title=”Eat for enjoyment” tab_id=”1494997907847-73313eff-0a49″][vc_column_text]Eating mindfully is about enjoying your food. If you’ve been thinking about treating yourself to a post-exam cupcake or slice of pizza, go for it. Cherish that mouthfeel. Equally, relish the kale chips and salad.

How to put the fun back into food

Enjoy everything, not just the treats

This goes both ways. Kale chips? Don’t just crunch them down and give yourself a pat on the back. Instead, savor the healthy food you’re eating and the feeling of satisfaction. “I like to look at how can you get the most satisfaction out of eating,” says Elyse Resch, MS, RD, a nutritionist who co-created Intuitive Eating—a specific program and brand. “I begin with satisfaction because, to me, that’s the driving force of Intuitive Eating. It has an impact on all your meals.”

Choose higher-quality foods if available

This isn’t always an option, of course. Budget is a major consideration for most of us. That said, if you love the cupcakes your roommate’s mom makes, don’t spoil your appetite with the subpar version from the café. “When you realize all food is fair game, why waste your time on anything that’s going to be inferior? As the intuitive eater emerges, you start going for better foods,” Resch says.

Student perspective

“[Eating consciously] allows me to really enjoy my food and ensure that I eat enough without eating too much. It helps me listen to the signals my body is sending me. I feel at peace when I’m able to live right in the moment and enjoy my experience to its fullest.”
—Fifth-year undergraduate student, Ball State University, Indiana[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][vc_tta_section title=”Be open to more foods” tab_id=”1494998235657-c26bf78f-ecb7″][vc_column_text]Eating intuitively is not about “good” or “bad” foods. If you’re truly listening to your instincts, giving your body what it needs is something you do naturally, proponents of mindful eating say. Making peace with a slice of cake and striving to make healthy choices are not mutually exclusive.

Here’s why you don’t need those old rules

All foods are available

Guess what? You’re allowed to eat those Instagram-worthy desserts. You get to move away from self-denial and punishment. “Valuing yourself, and being gentle and compassionate with yourself, are keys to success,” says Dr. Marc Weigensberg of the University of Southern California’s Keck School of Medicine.

Think of foods as emotionally equivalent

It’s OK to find the happy feels in a bowl of ice cream—and also in a crunchy carrot. “All foods should be emotionally equivalent. That doesn’t mean they’re nutritionally equivalent, but you should be able to feel that you can look for the same pleasure and satisfaction out of any food without judging it,” says Resch. Eating intuitively means you’re not beating yourself up when you indulge.

Student perspective

“I’ve never felt better. Even on my so-called ‘cheat days,’ I am conscious and aware and still have very little regret afterwards. I have lost about 15 pounds because I am simply following my body’s needs and listening to what my body tells me. I’ve never felt better about myself.”
—Second-year undergraduate, Utah State University[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][vc_tta_section title=”Move away from the diet mentality” tab_id=”1494998287976-95f0b73c-5233″][vc_column_text]Intuitive eating is about forming a better relationship between your body and what’s on your plate. It means letting go of goals that emphasize counting calories and dropping pounds, and finding the joy in food and your own self.

Make this about feeling good now and in the future

Focus on looking after yourself and feeling good

Always think health. “Rather than jumping on the latest fad diet, obsessing about a number on the scale, or worrying about the size of pants you wear, it’s helpful to instead focus your energy on healthy behaviors that you can engage in, regardless of body weight, and try to make these a regular part of your lifestyle,” says Dr. Rebecca Puhl, deputy director of the Rudd Center for Food Policy & Obesity at the University of Connecticut. When we diet, our intuitive wires get crossed, suggests a 2013 study in Eating Behaviors. Dieting participants in the study actually associated eating with satisfying an emotional need more strongly than with satisfying their hunger.

Think about the immediate benefits and be happy about long-term ones

Immediate benefits are more motivating than distant ones, so think about the ways that eating affects your feelings of pleasure, satisfaction, and self-care in the short term. Eating intuitively also sets us up for ongoing health and well-being, including long-term weight management, according to a 2016 study in JMIR Research Protocols. Participants who practiced eating intuitively experienced improved eating behaviors and more positive mental health, and they were still on track when researchers followed up three months later.

Student perspective

“[People criticizing my weight] made me more depressed and less motivated to make myself healthier. I ended up just eating more unhealthy food.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, Temple University, Pennsylvania

“[Eating consciously] has helped me with portion size and making better choices in general. I don’t notice any difference on the outside yet, but I definitely feel different.”
—Third-year undergraduate, University of Hawaii at Manoa[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][vc_tta_section title=”Eliminate distractions” tab_id=”1494998333262-24e6f48d-7c95″][vc_column_text]As scary as it sounds, try totally disconnecting while you eat. No Instagram, no texting, no binge-watching Stranger Things. Paying attention to what you’re eating is the whole point.

Why focus makes food so much better

Focus on your food

Intuitive eating is all about getting maximum pleasure from your meals. At the very least, that means remembering you ate them. When we’re distracted, we eat more, and we continue to eat more through the day, according to a 2013 review of studies in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. Researchers think that’s because we literally forget what we nommed down earlier in the day.

Beat the binge

Serve your food on a dish and make a point of enjoying each mouthful. Distracted munching can lead to accidental binge-snacking. That’s when you plonk yourself down with a bag of chips in front of the TV, and suddenly the bag is empty. In a 2012 study in Health Psychology, when there was no visual guide to portion sizes, students ate 50 percent more chips than than students who were cued into portion size through combinations of different-colored chips.

Get more enjoyment out of eating

Are you noticing how these steps reinforce each other? “When one is present while eating, that is a much more satisfying experience than being distracted while you’re putting the food in your mouth,” says Resch. “And let’s be honest, that fourth piece of pizza never tastes as good as that first piece of pizza.”

Reap the calorie benefits

Eating while distracted results in increased calorie intake, a 2013 study in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition suggests. Again, eating intuitively isn’t directly about weight management—but for some that’s a side effect, because mindful eating can help us let go of attitudes and approaches that weren’t helpful.

Student perspective

“Mindful eating helps me maintain my weight. [It] also helps me stop binge snacking. By eating more nutrient-rich food I have way more energy than usual.” 
—Third-year undergraduate, University of California, Davis[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][vc_tta_section title=”Honor your eating instincts” tab_id=”1494998425671-bd90a71f-1293″][vc_column_text]Once you’re cuing into your instincts, it gets easier to stick up for them—even when Mom sends a care package full of treats, or your friends want to split a second pizza when you’re already stuffed.

Why it’s OK to honor your values

Stick up for yourself

Setting boundaries is not only OK, it’s part of the process. If someone is pressing food on you, you always have the option to say “No thanks.” You don’t need to explain. But if you feel awkward, or are concerned about seeming high-maintenance, offer to take some home for later. “A major portion of Intuitive Eating is to realize that you have a right to have your needs met, and that includes speaking up,” says Resch.

Honor the social aspects of eating in ways that work for you

That said, part of the pleasure of food is social. Eating intuitively can be helpful when your baby cousin offers you a cookie he baked himself, or your professor makes a big-deal dish for the holiday celebration. With no food rules, you can do what feels right—which may be a full serving, a taste, or “Not for me, thanks.”

Student perspective

“I find intuitive eating works well if you are strictly adhering to eating that way. However, once out with friends, out to dinner, etc., it becomes difficult to follow.” 
—Fourth-year graduate student, Memorial University of Newfoundland, Newfoundland and Labrador

“For me this is a more advanced piece of eating mindfully. Now, before I go out with friends, I think about the ways that their eating used to influence mine—like stealing half their fries, even when the fries weren’t that great. I even practice saying, ‘Not for me tonight, thanks.’” 
—Recent graduate, Tufts University School of Medicine, Massachusetts[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][vc_tta_section title=”Make mindful eating part of your big picture #wellbeinggoals” tab_id=”1494998472018-d79e057b-5b40″][vc_column_text]Becoming an intuitive eater is a healthy approach to total wellness, so think big picture. There may a spillover effect here. The habits you develop to guide your eating may support your emotional health, work, and relationships too.

Notice how mindfulness can improve other experiences too

Reap the emotional benefits

If eating intuitively has emotional health benefits, as some research suggests, it may support our overall happiness. For example, mindfulness—savoring the moment—can become a way of valuing a brisk walk to the store, or that quirky interaction involving the classmate you don’t quite gel with. “If you’re looking to mindful eating as the basis of your relationship with food, it will leach out into other aspects of your life,” says Resch, “like finding meaningful experiences in life, and in your work and relationships.”

Student perspective

“[Intuitive eating] has helped with my psychological wellness. I, along with many others, have suffered with the emotions tied to food and eating. Mindful eating has helped me to eat better and without my emotions and therefore has helped me like myself more.” 
—Third-year undergraduate, Saint Louis University, Missouri[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][/vc_tta_accordion][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]

Is eating intuitively a treatment for eating disorders?

Can eating disorders be fully cured? It’s not clear. Some nutritionists and health care providers see disordered eating as a chronic condition that calls for ongoing management and attention (in this regard, it is similar to diabetes or alcohol dependence). This may be because the underlying feelings about food and self-image are persistent. “I have seen so many people who are trying to heal from an eating disorder who really don’t heal, because their mind-set has not been shifted from feeling bad about food,” says Resch.

Disordered eating is about rigid food rules, and tends to involve an all-or-nothing approach to eating. This can hike up the pressures associated with food. Someone who declares an entire food group off-limits (carbs, dairy, or added sugars)—without a medical reason—puts themselves into a state of constant vigilance and self-denial. That’s difficult to sustain, especially when we’re tired or stressed. Feeling bad about eating a few candies (a forbidden food) may lead us into an all-out food binge.

Eating intuitively can help break those negative thought processes and behaviors, proponents say. “Intuitive eating work in eating disorder recovery is [about] making peace with food in order to break free of all the food rules,” says Fowler. The research is promising. A 2014 meta-analysis of 24 peer-reviewed studies suggested that an intuitive approach to eating could help treat binge eating, anorexic tendencies, and self-shaming in participants, while improving participants’ self-esteem, body satisfaction, and self-acceptance (Journal of the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics).

That said, if your body image or eating issues are persistent, seek support at your student health center or counseling center.  “People meeting diagnostic criteria for an eating disorder probably can’t think or try their way out of their problem, at least not without professional help,” says Dr. Davis Smith, staff physician at the University of Connecticut.

Student perspectives

“I’ve been struggling with body images issues for the past few years, and once I discovered I can reinvent myself through healthy delicious food and fitness I’ve never looked back.”
—Second-year undergraduate, Lambton College, Ontario

“It helped me stop bingeing on foods when I didn’t need to. I learned to stop eating when I was full and to not eat snacks just for the sake of eating. I dealt with body weight issues because of my fluctuating weight due to bingeing, so this concept has been very helpful in keeping me grounded in what truly matters.”
—Second-year undergraduate, Stanford University, California

Your best Instagram

“Mindful eating is so important to me, especially in an age that is obsessed with dieting. Paying attention to how you eat, and why you eat, is more important than strictly controlling caloric intake. I listen to my body and eat when I am hungry, and use mealtime to turn off electronics and focus on food and friends. I get to enjoy my favorite foods (like frozen yogurt!) and still stay healthy and satisfied. This also helps me maintain a healthy relationship with my body.”

—Marielle Martinez, second-year student, Florida Southern College

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