Online harassment includes one-time incidents as well as cases of cyberbullying that unfold over months or years. It includes attacks based on race, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, religion, appearance, and more. Severe harassment online has been linked to notorious controversies, such as “GamerGate,” when harassers targeted women in the video game industry. In a polarized political environment that has seen documented increases in hate crimes, online harassment has made for alarming headlines, as when the writer Milo Yiannopoulos was banned from Twitter for inciting racist abuse.

• Trolling (sometimes called flaming) means posting comments with the intention of triggering distress in others.
• Roasting is a direct attack on another person’s view or position.
• Exclusion involves singling out someone and not letting them participate in group chats or threads, and/or making negative comments toward them.
• Harassment means repeatedly attacking a person, often by insulting their racial, ethnic, gender, sexual, or religious identity.
• Cyberstalking involves repeated, unwanted online contact with the purpose of tracking, threatening, or harassing someone.
• Doxing means using online sources to trace someone’s identity and gather information about them, then using that information to harm or harass the person.
• Outing involves the malicious release of personal and private information about a person.
• Masquerading means creating a fake identity in order to harass someone anonymously or impersonate someone else.

Quiz: Is it cyberbullying? (Affordable Colleges Online)

Some communities are targeted by cyberbullying more frequently than others. Young people, women, and LGBT youth report especially high rates of harassment online. Here’s what that looks like:

• Two in three (65 percent) of young adult internet users (aged 18–29) have been the target of at least one of six identified types of online harassment, according to a 2014 study by the Pew Research Center.
• 10–28 percent of college students experience cyberbullying, according to an analysis of seven recent studies (Sage Open, 2014).
• Men seem more likely than women to report online harassment overall (44 percent versus 37 percent), especially name-calling, being purposefully embarrassed, and physical threats, according to the Pew study.
• Young women aged 18–24 seem more likely than other demographics to experience certain severe types of harassment. In the Pew survey, one in four young women had been stalked online, and the same proportion had been sexually harassed online.
• Sexual harassment in general is often targeted at women who are perceived to violate stereotypical gender norms, according to “The Sexual Harassment of Uppity Women,” a study in the Journal of Applied Psychology (2007). This finding helps explain the later “GamerGate” online abuse directed at women in the video game industry.
• LGBT youth are cyberbullied at significantly higher rates than their heterosexual peers, with 54 percent experiencing it within the past three months, according to a national study in the International Journal of Critical Pedagogy (2010).
• Disabled people are targeted for online abuse, though the current research is slight. A 2016 study involving 19 disabled people concluded that harassers targeted people with disabilities and the impact was more severe for reasons relating to the disabilities (Disability and Society). Grade-school students receiving special education services are more likely than their peers to report being victimized online, according to the Journal of Special Education (2013).

Online harassment and cyberbullying have widespread and well-documented consequences. For example:

• Distress More than one in four people who’d experienced online harassment found it “extremely upsetting” or “very upsetting,” in the 2014 Pew survey.
• Isolation Students who experience online abuse report higher rates of isolation. One in four people harassed online withdrew from social media, the internet, or their phones as a result, according to a 2016 report by the Data & Society Research Institute.
• Emotional and behavioral health risks Children and teenagers who are cyberbullied or harassed online are nearly twice as likely as their peers to experience depression and substance abuse, a 2007 study in Child Maltreatment found. Cyberbullying negatively affects grade-school students’ school attendance and academic achievement, according to a 2012 study in the Journal of School Violence.
• Suicide risk Online harassment can raise adults’ suicide risk by exacerbating loneliness and hopelessness among those with preexisting stressors, according to Educational Leadership (2011). Among young teens, both the perpetrators and targets of cyberbullying are more likely than their peers to attempt suicide, the same study found.
• Censorship Online harassment appears to curtail free speech. One in four Americans censor themselves online out of fear of online harassment, Hack Harassment reports.

Not all online harassers have antisocial traits such as lacking empathy. Even ordinary people (who don’t have personality issues) can be induced to troll in certain circumstances, researchers from Cornell University, New York, found. Here’s what can drive us to trolling:

• We’re in a bad mood (this helps explain why trolling intensifies late at night and on Mondays).
• We’re participating in a thread or conversation that started with a “troll comment” or in which trolling is already underway (the more trolling is happening already, the more likely we will troll too).

In the online environment, we can choose to be anonymous, a factor that lowers the behavioral bar. That can make it easier for even those of us who are generally well- intentioned to dish out sarcasm or insults, and disconnect from others’ feelings. In our survey, many students acknowledged that they’d done this and regretted it.

The research paints a predictably unflattering picture of some habitual online harassers. Perpetrators may be motivated by the following:

• A perceived way to stay popular Harassing others online may make the perpetrator feel powerful, and may be their response to low self-esteem, according to Delete Cyberbullying, a project aimed at parents and grade-school students.

• A sense of failure or threat In a 2010 study, men who harassed women players during a video game appeared to be less skilled at the game than their peers, according to a 2010 study in PLOS One.

• Low empathy In a 2014 study of college students, lower empathy toward others was associated with a higher likelihood of cyberbullying, according to Computers in Human Behavior.

• Other personality disorder traits Persistent trolling is associated with narcissism, a willingness to inflict harm, and a willingness to manipulate and deceive others, according to a 2014 study in Personality and Individual Differences.

• Anger toward victims Online stalking tends to be associated with the perpetrators’ distress and anger toward their targets (though personality issues can be a factor), a 2000 study in Aggression and Violent Behavior suggests.

Most online platforms give you tools to curate what content you see and with whom you interact online. Explore the options available to you and decide what you share online and who can see it. These approaches can help:

Online platforms frequently give you control over the level of connection you want to have with someone. You can choose to block content or people whose content you don’t want to see. On some platforms, this decision can be separate from whether you remain friends with those users (e.g., on Facebook you can unfollow a person’s posts without unfriending the person).

There is a lot to be said for trying to work through differences with people who hold varying opinions and making sure we’re exposed to viewpoints that are not the same as ours. However, if you are experiencing harassment from a user online, especially someone you don’t know or don’t have a strong relationship with off-line, you can choose to prevent that user from contacting you.

Review your privacy settings on all social media. You have control over who sees your posts and what online activity is viewable to others.

Several free software options and plugins allow you to make more customized and creative choices about what you see online. For example, Sweary mary is a Chrome Extension that replaces swear words with witty alternatives.

Some platforms do a better job than others of giving their users the tools and support they need to have a safe and fulfilling online experience. As an informed user, you can decide which sites you want to trust with your time and information, and which you’d rather pass on.

Isolating the other person from friends and family
In a healthy relationship, each person talks to and communicates with their friends as they’d like. Abusive behaviors include preventing a partner from spending time alone with friends or family, or constantly calling or texting to keep tabs on a partner. “If he starts to notice that your family and friends are concerned about your relationship, he may be looking to keep you away from them,” says Dana Cuomo, coordinator of victim advocacy services at the University of Washington. (Because of this dynamic, don’t give up on your friend if they stop calling you—be there for them and stay supportive.)

Checking the other person’s phone, email, or social media without permission (or pressuring them for access)
In a relationship, each partner is entitled to privacy. Violating that privacy is a major warning sign.

Intruding on another person’s private communications may also be a means of changing or influencing their decisions and opportunities. “Maybe you get a job interview, but your partner deletes the email so that you never know about it,” says Casey Corcoran, a program director of Futures Without Violence, an advocacy organization working to end violence against women and children.

Red flags include:

• Checking a partner’s emails, texts, social media, and so on without their permission
• Obsessively keeping tabs on the partner via texting, calling, or social media
• Monitoring where a partner goes, whom they see, or what they do
• Making personal decisions on behalf of a partner, or pressurizing them in their decisions, such as who to hang out with, or where to study or work

Using social status or peer pressure to manipulate the other person
Abusive partners may use the threat of social pressure, gossip, or lies to manipulate their partners. Often, they’ll also claim to be the authority on how men or women, or romantic or sexual partners, are supposed to behave. This is a way of justifying their own behaviors or condemning their partner’s.

Leveraging their power as “gatekeeper” to a social community
Some partners provide an important link to a social community (e.g., a group of friends, a club or organization based around a shared interest or identity, or an academic or professional group). Abusive partners may try and use that community link as a way to pressure their partner to stay in the relationship. Abusers may similarly use financial resources or pressure to control their partner.

Example  “If a partner who’s abusive is someone’s main link to an LGBTQ community, or maybe was that person’s first same-gender partner, that relationship can be very much tied up in their sexual identity,” says Gabe Murchison, senior research manager at the Human Rights Campaign, an LGBTQ advocacy organization. “They may be especially afraid to end that relationship, and they may feel they’ll lose a concrete part of their LGBTQ identity by ending it.”

Making belittling comments and put-downs
Calling a partner names, making them feel small or ashamed, or humiliating them are common warning signs. No one should use shame to control their partner.

Getting angry suddenly
“This can be a sign of a bigger issue, especially if your partner becomes physically or emotionally abusive when they ‘lose it,’” says Corcoran.

Example  You can’t ever be sure you’re saying the right thing. It seems like anything might set your partner off. “You may feel as though you are on a roller coaster all the time,” says Corcoran. “One minute everything is fine, and the next he’s yelling.” In these cases, you feel like you can’t relax because you don’t know what to expect.

Being possessive and jealous
Warning signs include suddenly becoming jealous or angry, or making false accusations of infidelity.

Example  You’re at the bar and run into someone you’ve been intimate with before. When your partner finds out, they get very upset. “This happens when the abuser sees you as their property,” says Cuomo. “It is part of the pattern of power and control in abusive relationships in which you aren’t allowed to make choices about your own life.”

Those choices may include what you wear. They may be thinking that “if you’re wearing something sexy or flirty, you’ll draw the attention of another person, and that will be your fault,” says Cuomo. “It is very manipulative because it isn’t your fault at all; it’s because they don’t trust you not to act on another person’s advances.”

Making over-the-top gestures
Expensive gifts at the beginning of a relationship, or a rush to spend a ton of time together, can be red flags. Overcompensating is a distraction tactic—maybe she doesn’t want you looking too closely at other aspects of the relationship—and can also be used as leverage.

Extravagant gestures can also be part of the pattern of abuse and making up, which is common in abusive relationships. For example, “He might get so angry that he hits you during a fight. Then later he brings you a bouquet of flowers,” says Corcoran.

These episodes of kindness and hope can position the targeted person to deny the fear and anger that they feel toward the abuser, research indicates (Feminism & Psychology, 2011). “This is the time when the abuser tries to regain control,” says Cuomo. “The cycle has three stages: The tension builds, it turns into a fight, and then they apologize and say they’ll never do it again.”

Engaging in “gaslighting”
“Gaslighting” (the term references a 1938 play) is when an abusive partner manipulates the other by trying to make them doubt their own reality, experiences, and emotional health. The abusive partner might say, “It’s in your head,” or “It didn’t happen like that.” They may trivialize their partner’s emotions or pretend not to understand what they are talking about.

Using physical violence, the threat of violence, or fear
This can mean anything from destroying possessions—phones, glasses, tables, or other property—to physically harming a partner. Sometimes violence will be used or threatened in connection to sex. Some abusers threaten self-harm as a kind of manipulation.

Making someone nervous or uncomfortable can be a deliberate power tactic. “In unhealthy relationships, your partner does things that are meant to make you fearful,” says Corcoran.

Example  There’s no excuse for driving recklessly, especially with someone else in the car. If it’s intended to frighten the other person, this is abusive.

Pressuring or forcing sex
This includes sexual pressure, coercion, or force. It is common in physically abusive relationships, research shows. For example, in a 2005 study, two out of three women who’d been physically assaulted by a partner had also been sexually assaulted or coerced by that partner (Department of Justice).

Red flags include:

• Threatening or using alcohol or drugs to pressure a partner to have sex
• Ignoring a partner’s lack of interest in sex or even their explicit “nos” to sexual activity
• Demanding sex in return for a gift
• Refusing to use condoms or other kinds of birth control

Example  “When your partner doesn’t respect your decisions around sex, she may try to manipulate or blame you,” says Corcoran. “Why do we need to use a condom? Is it because you are sleeping with someone else?”

When people reach out for support, it’s usually to a friend. For example, in a small study of college women who had experienced unwanted sexual contact, three out of four had disclosed the assault or abuse—the vast majority to a friend, according to Feminism & Psychology (2012).

Listening has many benefits. In a classic study of abuse survivors, people said they had valued the opportunity to talk and vent about their experiences, to receive comfort and emotional support, and to observe their friends’ anger toward abusers (Feminism & Psychology, 1993).

Be aware of factors and feelings that may make it harder for someone to disclose. Frequently, people in unhealthy relationships minimize the abuse they are experiencing (“It’s no big deal”); this may be especially likely if the abuse does not involve extreme physical or sexual violence. Some are concerned that others won’t understand and/or may respond in unhelpful ways. Some may be held back by embarrassment or shame, or fear for their safety if they tell anyone.

Self-blame is another powerful obstacle. In a 2015 study, people who had experienced sexual violence and understood it was not their fault were more likely to disclose it than were those who blamed themselves (Violence Against Women).

While abusive relationships have similarities—the pattern of controlling behavior, for example—no two are the same.

Keep in mind:

• Abuse can take place in relationships of all types.
• Abuse can take place in relationships involving people of any sexual orientation and/or gender combination.
• Abuse can happen to anyone. Men can be abused in relationships. Outwardly strong, assertive people can be abused in relationships. Experts on relationship abuse can be abused in relationships.

How professionals moved past victim blaming
Professionals’ understanding of relationship abuse has shifted in recent decades. “In the mid-20th century, psychiatrists believed that only certain types of women ‘fell into’ abusive relationships,” says Dr. Pain. “Now it’s widely recognized that they were mistaking the symptoms of being abused (especially the mental health effects) for factors that predisposed certain people to being abused. This was a kind of medically sanctioned victim blaming that meant hefty challenges for the women’s movement and others trying to end relationship abuse. It also left men and LGBT victims out of the picture until relatively recently.”

It may seem baffling that someone does not immediately walk away from an abusive relationship. Researchers have found that the dynamics of abuse, and the decision to stay or leave, are highly complicated (Behavior and Social Issues, 2005).

People’s reasons for staying in abusive relationships are often rational and considered (for example, relating to safety, children, and finances), studies show. Individuals’ sense of belonging is important in deciding how to respond to abuse. For nonwhite people, the decision to leave a family or community can be especially seismic, research suggests (Women’s Studies International Forum, 2004). Researchers now understand that leaving an abusive relationship is a process and may take multiple attempts (Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 2003).

Is it ever helpful to advise someone to leave?
Here’s the caveat: Some people report that the advice to leave an abusive relationship was helpful. This difference appears to depend on where each individual is at, research suggests. In a 2011 study, some women who had already considered leaving or had made preparations for leaving found it helpful to be advised to leave (Feminism & Psychology). For those who had not considered leaving, the same advice was unhelpful. Check in with your friend and ask what kind of support they need.

Researching the available support resources is a quick and practical way to help a friend. For example:

• On campus: Your friend could consider discussing the situation with a counselor, the Title IX coordinator, a trusted dean, or an RA. Most campus staff and faculty have reporting obligations that require them to share any reports of violence or abuse with the Title IX coordinator. You may want to ask staff or faculty about this before disclosing.
• In the community: Your friend may be interested in discussing their experiences with a rape or sexual assault crisis center, or other victim advocacy organization.
• Online: Your friend may find it helpful to talk with an advocate via an anonymous, confidential hotline or online chat service. This may be a general relationship abuse resource or one that supports a specific community (e.g., LGBTQ). For resources, see Find out more today.

When is it OK to take the decision to seek further help out of their hands?
Only if someone is experiencing an acute threat or might harm themselves or others. In that case, talk to a campus counselor, the campus safety office, or Title IX staff.

This list is adapted from the Glossary of Terms published by the Human Rights Campaign. Terminology relating to gender and sexual identity is variable (e.g., a non-cisgender person may identify as transgender, gender non-conforming, non-binary, queer, or genderqueer). Always respect individuals’ preferences.

Asexual The person does not experience sexual attraction or desire for other people.

Bisexual The person is emotionally, romantically, or sexually attracted to more than one sex, gender, or gender identity.

Cisgender A person’s gender identity aligns with the sex assigned to them at birth.

Gay The person is emotionally, romantically, or sexually attracted to people of the same gender.

Gender identity A person’s innermost concept of self as male, female, a blend of both, or neither; how individuals perceive themselves, and what they call themselves.

Gender non-conforming The person does not behave in a way that conforms to the traditional expectations of their gender, or their gender expression does not fit neatly into a category; also termed “non-binary.”

Genderqueer The person rejects static categories of gender and embraces a fluidity of gender identity (and often, though not always, sexual orientation); may see themselves as being both male and female, neither male nor female, or outside these categories.

Homophobia The fear and hatred of, or discomfort with, people who are attracted to those of the same sex.

Lesbian The woman is emotionally, romantically, or sexually attracted to other women.

LGBT An acronym for “lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender.”

Queer Fluid gender identity and/or sexual orientation; often used interchangeably with “LGBT.”

Transgender The person’s gender identity and/or expression is different from cultural expectations based on the sex they were assigned at birth; transgender people may identify as straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc.

Transphobia The fear and hatred of, or discomfort with, transgender people.

Full glossary HERE 

Gabe Murchison:

“I use transgender to refer to people who identify with a different gender than they were assigned at birth. I use gender non-conforming to refer to people who consistently and noticeably express themselves outside of the norms for their gender.

“Like anyone else, a transgender person could be gender-conforming or non-conforming after they transition. Some transgender men dress and act in stereotypically masculine ways, while others are more feminine than the average man, and the same is true of transgender women.

“There are also many transgender people who don’t identify exclusively as men or women, but as neither, or a combination of both. I use the umbrella term ‘non-binary’ for these identities, because they are outside of the male-female ‘gender binary.’

“Many health researchers use the umbrella term ‘gender minorities’ to describe transgender and gender non-conforming people. In the study we’re discussing, I didn’t ask participants about being gender non-conforming, so I can only talk about transgender students’ experiences.  Other research has found that LGBTQ youth who are gender non-conforming have different experiences than those who are gender-conforming—for instance, they are more likely to be bullied in school. Whether being gender non-conforming affects the likelihood of experiencing sexual violence is an important question for future research.”

Gabe Murchison:
“Living in a culture that stigmatizes one or more of your identities—your race, status, sexual orientation, or many others—can affect your health negatively. One way is through internalized stigma: when you come to consciously or unconsciously believe the negative cultural ideas about yourself. Internalized homophobia is internalized stigma about being lesbian, gay, bisexual, or queer.

“Absorbing negative beliefs about one’s LGBTQ identity can cause a range of problems, like making someone more prone to depression or anxiety, or affecting their sexuality and relationships.

“For instance, it appears that some abusers take advantage of internalized homophobia to control their partners. When we were planning our research, we thought that sexual aggressors could do something similar, and there was some qualitative research (interviews with LGBTQ people about their unwanted sexual experiences) backing that up.

“It’s important to note that internalized stigma is not something to be ashamed of. It’s an almost unavoidable consequence of having any stigmatized identity, but most people find positive ways to cope with it.”

For research references, see Sources.

Internalized transphobia may occur at a higher rate than internalized homophobia, research suggests. In a 2016 study, transgender participants reported higher rates of discrimination, depression symptoms, and suicide attempts than cisgender LGB participants. Among transgender people, depression symptoms were associated with a lack of self-acceptance around identity, researchers wrote (Transgender Health).

Transgender, gender nonconforming, and genderqueer people experience pressure from multiple sources. “According to research, stressors include being bullied at school and work, reduced access to housing, loss of friends and family, physical violence, harassment and assault, and reduced medical access,” says Joleen Nevers, sexuality educator at the University of Connecticut.

Gabe Murchison:
“Trans students report facing more discrimination on campus than their cisgender LGBQ peers. Trans students deal with a number of challenges that don’t affect cisgender LGB students, like difficulty accessing housing and restrooms that match their gender. School policies may have a serious impact: Transgender people denied access to these facilities are more likely to have attempted suicide.

“On average, trans students also seem to have a weaker sense of community on campus, even though they’re equally involved in groups and leadership activities.”

For research references, see Sources.

Gabe Murchison:
“We surveyed about 700 LGBQ college students at hundreds of colleges and universities, using questions that measured their levels of internalized homophobia and their sense of LGBTQ community on campus. We also asked them about some things that are related to sexual violence risk among heterosexual women, including how many romantic and sexual partners they’d had during college. Finally, we asked them about different types of unwanted sexual experiences they may have had, and about how and with whom those experiences happened. We used this data to look at three big questions:

1. “First, is sexual violence against LGBTQ undergraduates basically similar to what heterosexual, cisgender women tend to experience? While those women’s experiences vary, common themes include assault while incapacitated by alcohol or drugs; assault or coercion by a dating partner; and initially consensual hookups that end in assault. I guessed that LGBTQ students would report similar experiences, but many people assume that ‘hate crime’ attacks play a big role, so it was an open question.
2. “Second, do LGBTQ students have unique experiences that affect their risk of sexual violence?
3. “Third, we knew very little about gender: Do LBQ women tend to be assaulted by men, women, or both? What about GBQ men? And what about people with a non-binary gender? That would help us understand whether this violence tends to take place within LGBTQ relationships or communities, or whether it’s mostly perpetrated by heterosexuals.”

“Campus programming sets the tone for LGBTQ students and straight, cisgender students,” says Gabe Murchison. The following approaches can help build an inclusive community, he says:

• Health services should use inclusive language—like “students who need a Pap test” instead of “women who need a Pap test,” since some transgender students will need that service as well.
• All programming should include LGBTQ students among its examples.
• Health, sexuality, and sexual violence workshops should feature characters with gender-neutral names and point out that both consensual sex and sexual violence can occur in any gender combination.

Gabe Murchison:
“It’s important to have friends who support your sexual orientation or the fact that you’re transgender—but that doesn’t mean they have to be LGBTQ. Many LGBTQ students make their closest friends through athletics, Greek life, arts, religious organizations, or housing assignments. For some, most or all of those friends are straight and cisgender.

“Since LGBTQ people are just as diverse as any other group, it’s very likely that you’ll meet like-minded LGBTQ friends throughout your life, even if you don’t fit in with the LGBTQ students you’ve met on campus.”

Gabe Murchison:
“There are not a ton of data on LGBTQ undergraduates specifically. From what exists, it appears that:

• “Gay, bi, and queer men are at higher risk than other men (but still at lower risk than women).
• “Lesbian, bi, and queer women seem to be at similar or slightly higher risk compared to other women.
• “Transgender students, particularly those with non-binary gender identities (not exclusively male or female), seem to be at higher risk than cisgender students.”

For research references, see Sources.

“‘Queer’ is how respondents self-identified. Thirteen percent of my sample described their sexual orientation as queer. The term has been adopted by the major US advocacy organizations and is used in some (not all) research on this population.”

Gabe Murchison:
“Do your best not to assume someone is heterosexual or cisgender. My college had a dance where first-year students set up dates for the people they live with. Some people made a point of asking each suitemate about their gender preferences for the date. For some LGBQ people, that was the first time they felt comfortable coming out to the people they lived with.

“Be an advocate. Student affairs staff often take students’ opinions seriously. These staff can affect the decision-making process on issues that affect LGBTQ students, like funding an LGBTQ center or creating mixed-gender housing options. If you know LGBTQ students on your campus are advocating for this type of goal, you can write or talk to student affairs staff and explain why you feel it’s important.

“Speak up. If an LGBTQ person (or anyone else) hears stigmatizing comments all the time, they may be too afraid or frustrated to address them. Try to respectfully but firmly shoot down any anti-LGBTQ remarks you hear.”