Reading Time: 7 minutes Learning how to navigate food choices and establish a balanced diet can be challenging. Hereâs how you can find options that are flavorful, varied, nutritionally sound, and satisfying, both on and off campus.
Reading Time: 2 minutes Commuting to and from school can be stressful (especially for those 8 a.m. classes). Here are some ideas to pass the time and bring a little Zen to your commute.
Reading Time: 5 minutes Find an inclusive community, mentorship programs, and even financial support at the campus diversity office.
Reading Time: 7 minutes Making use of the disability services on your campus can play a huge role in your academic success. Here are some tips to help you make the most of this valuable resource.
Reading Time: 5 minutes How to best keep the peace with the people you live with.
Reading Time: 7 minutes How to find food options that are flavorful, varied, nutritionally sound, and satisfying at school.
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Student life is full of challenges, sometimes triggering a major case of enough already. Youâre probably aware that the campus offers a bunch of services and resources designed to help you be healthy, resilient, and successful. Do they work? In surveys by Student Health 101, you say yes: These services can make the difference between passing or failing, an A or a B, staying in or dropping out. Students often say they regret waiting until they were in a crisis, and wish theyâd accessed these resources earlier. Some report that for the longest time they didnât know certain types of support existed.
Campus resources are usually available free or at a low cost. Of course, college gym membership, counseling, and so on are not literally free; their cost is covered by your tuition. If you donât use them, youâre not getting what youâre paying for. In a recent survey by Student Health 101, more than three out of four college students said this is even more reason to access these services. If you wait until after youâve graduated to learn yoga or get professional help with your social anxiety, it will likely be costly.
The availability of resources at any given school depends on various factors. To learn whatâs typically available and how can it make your life easier, click on each resource.
Hereâs how to make sure youâre not missing out:
âThe tutoring center has helped me more than words can describe. I finally understand the work Iâm doing, plus itâs free! I went from being an average student to being above average and helping other kids in my classes.â
âFifth-year undergraduate, University of New Mexico
âThey helped me bring my essay writing up to over 80 percent grade-level, elevating my writing ability from high school to university quality in one session.â
âFifth-year online undergraduate, Trent University, Ontario
“Huge! I took a coding class and had no prior programming experience. I was in office hours all the time. Without being able to go to my instructor for help, I would not have done nearly as well in the class as I did.”
—Second-year undergraduate, Missouri University of Science and Technology
“Office hours enabled me to get additional time with my TAs and further understand the material.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, Johns Hopkins University, Maryland
“It’s the difference between passing and not passing classes, going to summer school vs. not going.”
—Third-year undergraduate, California State University, Stanislaus
“Without my advisor, I would be so lost on which classes to take when. She provides me with opportunities outside of just choosing classes to better myself in my career.”
—Third-year undergraduate, Northern Michigan University
“Attending academic advising made an incredible difference in relieving the stress of picking courses and making important choices regarding my studies and undergraduate career.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, Trent University, Ontario
“My academic advisor helps identify a balanced combination of courses so that my course load is not overwhelming.”
—Fourth-year online undergraduate, Florida International University
“It made a world of difference between me going to grad school or not going… between succeeding and failing at the process.”
—First-year graduate student, California State University, Stanislaus
“I wish I had started taking advantage of the recreation center and gym earlier, especially while access is free. Exercise is so important to staying healthy and happy, but I didn’t realize how big of an impact it can have.”
—Third-year undergraduate, Texas Christian University
“Changed my lifestyle and health habits completely.”
—First-year graduate student, University of North Dakota
“It made a huge difference! Taking time between classes to work out helped me recharge and let me be ready to learn.”
—Third-year undergraduate, University of Guelph, Ontario
“It’s great to have free access to fitness equipment. It made a huge difference in my fitness and stress level.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, Ferris State University, Michigan
“Having a gym close by is game-changing!”
—Third-year undergraduate, Queen’s University, Ontario
“Getting support from librarians and library staff has saved me hours of work on papers and projects.”
—Fifth-year undergraduate, Michigan Technological University
“I rented textbooks from the library, which saved me a lot of money.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, University of Windsor, Ontario
“The library made a huge difference. It was a place of quiet where I could put 100 percent of my focus into my work. The people within the library also helped to bring my papers to the next level.”
—Second-year undergraduate, Concordia University of Edmonton, Alberta
“The friendly support of our librarians in helping me find journal articles through the library’s online databases made a huge difference in my being able to complete my research well.”
—Second-year graduate student, Arkansas Tech University
“It changed everything. I finally felt like I was on an even playing field with my peers and didn’t have to stress that my condition was setting me back any more.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, Stanford University, California
“I got sick with mono and didn’t go for help, and my grades went down. I wish I would have said something sooner to get time to finish school work.”
—Third-year undergraduate, Michigan Technological University
“Disability services made a massive difference. I probably wouldn’t have made it through university without their support.”
—Fifth-year undergraduate, Memorial University of Newfoundland, Newfoundland and Labrador
“The Accessibility Resource Center: The accommodations they allow for me are amazing and have greatly helped me succeed in courses.”
—Third-year undergraduate, University of New Mexico
“I have ADHD and never wanted to be one of those students who gets extra time and help... So I’ve never gotten help that I probably need. I haven’t overcome it and it’s probably negatively affecting me.”
—Third-year undergraduate, University of Maryland, Baltimore County
“The counseling center helped me more than any paid therapist ever has. They helped me nearly overcome my phobia and deal with substance abuse and sexual assault.”
—Third-year undergraduate, University of Memphis, Tennessee
“It made a huge difference in helping me understand myself and relate easier to fellow students.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, Berea College, Kentucky
“There is a good chance I wouldn’t be in university right now without it.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, University of Windsor, Ontario
“Instead of focusing on me and my problems, I took advantage of group therapy, which allowed me to be a part of other people’s struggles and hear their experiences, difficulties, failures, and losses (and have them experience mine as well). I was able to see, learn from, grow, and get back to living my life.”
—Third-year graduate student, Cornell University College of Veterinary Medicine, New York
“It made a tremendous difference in teaching me valuable lessons on controlling anxiety.”
—Fifth-year undergraduate, Michigan Technological University
“I went through an incredibly difficult family emergency while in a very demanding program. Counseling helped me understand and work through the emergency and also provided support when I struggled academically, allowing me to carry on.”
—Second-year undergraduate, Trent University, Ontario
“The health center saved me a lot of money, because I don’t have good insurance coverage.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, University of West Georgia
“Excellent system, easy to access, and the doctors are very friendly. I wish I didn’t have so many hesitations and went to them sooner.”
—Third-year undergraduate, Mount Royal University, Alberta
“I love the free things they give out.”
—Fifth-year undergraduate, California State University, Channel Islands
“It was so great to have assistance on campus and at such great prices for college students! I appreciate it so much!”
—Second-year undergraduate, University of Wisconsin–Eau Claire
“The health center provided me with that-day doctor appointments, which minimized the amount of time I spent out of class sick.”
—Fifth-year undergraduate, University of Wyoming
“Make use of small amounts of time you get in the day to access career support. This can make an enormous difference in how prepared you are.”
—Third-year undergraduate, University of Miami, Florida
“It helped me a lot in preparing for job interviews and fixing up my résumé, and the facility is really great about [facilitating] different opportunities and connections.”
—Second-year undergraduate, Johnson and Wales University, Rhode Island
“Using this service allowed me to apply to summer jobs, confident that my documents were professional and appealing to potential employers.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, University of New Brunswick
“The Career Advancement Center allowed me to practice my interviewing skills with mock interviews and how to appropriately answer questions.”
—First-year graduate student, Midwestern University, Illinois
“It’s always nice to clear your head and speak to an actual person, and then be able to get back to schoolwork.”
—Second-year undergraduate, Johnson and Wales University, Rhode Island
“RAs are incredibly important and useful. They’re the first person I go to with basically any question, and because they are older students, they can answer (honestly, too) any question that you can come up with.”
—Fifth-year undergraduate, University of North Dakota
“I worked at the Solution Center, which answers the campus main line and also is the IT Help Desk. Being a freshman, I learned a lot about deadlines, how things work, where to find information. I just learned about all my resources and what to do when I have issues with something. I basically learned everything about campus, and it helped so much.”
—Second-year undergraduate at California State University, Channel Islands
“Residence Life has been the most useful resource for advice on all sorts of matters. They became my most trusted mentors on campus.”
—Second-year graduate student, Emory University, Georgia
“My scholarship advisor has been a valuable resource, not just academically, but emotionally. He has helped talk me through all of the ups and downs and put things into perspective.”
—Third-year undergraduate, California State University, Stanislaus
“The financial aid advisors are a great help; you realize the breakdown of a survival budget throughout school, until you get to where you want to be in life.”
—Second-year student, Elgin Community College, Illinois
“The financial aid office made a big difference in the amount of assistance I receive.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, Cambrian College, Ontario
“Finance services can help you get a jump on financial opportunities on and around campus, such as work-study, job openings, and budgeting.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate student, Clemson University, South Carolina
“Student employment [opportunities at my school were] the top reason why I decided against transferring.”
—Second-year undergraduate, Endicott College, Massachusetts
“The gender equity center changed my perspective, provided support and education, and allowed me to connect with the campus community.”
—Fourth-year undergraduate, Boise State University, Idaho
“The international student office provides me with the information that I need for work and study permits.”
—Recent graduate, Fleming College, Ontario
“One girl was harassing and bullying me. The police took the situation very seriously and took me to meet with the dean. I received a no-contact order with that student and have yet to hear from her since.”
—Second-year undergraduate, Indiana University Southeast
“It helped me with my sexual assault case and made me feel like my situation mattered.”
—Fourth-year online undergraduate, University of North Dakota
“I was 20 and a student during winter term [when I was sexually assaulted]. It made me feel powerless. I had tried to be his friend. I reported to my area coordinator and then later the public safety staff. I had to give a statement at the student board. Took three months to come up with a verdict.”
—Undergraduate, Oregon
These responses came from students at numerous colleges and universities across the US and Canada. Some of these resources may be available at your school.
Danielle Berringer, administrative support, Accommodated Learning Centre, University of Lethbridge, Alberta.
Burress, H. (2015, January 19). What factors affect the cost of a personal trainer? Angie’sList.com. Retrieved from https://www.angieslist.com/articles/what-factors-affect-cost-personal-trainer.htm
Colorado Mesa University. (2015). Mentoring. Retrieved from https://www.coloradomesa.edu/student-services/diversity-and-health/mentoring.html
Costa, C. D. (2016, January 1). Why a gym membership is usually a bad investment. Money & Career CheatSheet. Retrieved from https://www.cheatsheet.com/money-career/why-a-gym-membership-is-usually-a-bad-investment.html/?a=viewall
Georgia State University. (n.d.). Nutrition consultations. https://recreation.gsu.edu/fitness/fitness-center/nutrition-consultations/
Hobart and William Smith Colleges. (2011). Treatment providers in the community. Retrieved from https://www.hws.edu/studentlife/pdf/psychotherapists_community.pdf
Hobart and William Smith Colleges. (2016). Sexual misconduct resources and support. Retrieved from https://www.hws.edu/studentlife/titleIX_office.aspx
Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health. (2015, May 5). Primary care visits available to most uninsured but at high price. Retrieved from https://www.jhsph.edu/news/news-releases/2015/primary-care-visits-available-to-most-uninsured-but-at-a-high-price.html
Lifecoach.com. (2016). Frequently asked questions. Retrieved from https://www.lifecoach.com/coaching-faqs
NCSU Libraries. (n.d.). Technology lending. Retrieved from https://www.lib.ncsu.edu/techlending
MacDonald, J. (2015, December 31). Financial planners: Not just for millionaires anymore. Bankrate.com. Retrieved from https://www.bankrate.com/finance/savings/financial-planners-not-just-for-millionaires-anymore-1.aspx
Student Health 101 survey, July 2016.
Sundberg, J. (n.d.). Is a career coach worth the money? UndercoverRecruiter.com. Retrieved from https://theundercoverrecruiter.com/career-coach-worth-money/
University of Lethbridge. (2016). Resources. Retrieved from https://www.uleth.ca/counselling/content/u-l-resources
The University of Maine. (n.d.). Financial resources for students. Retrieved from https://umaine.edu/sss/finances/
University of Notre Dame. (2016). Want to mentor? Retrieved from https://careercenter.nd.edu/alumni-mentor/want-to-mentor/
University of Washington. (2014). Undergraduate advising. Retrieved from https://www.washington.edu/uaa/advising/finding-help/study-centers-and-tutoring/
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Going to a party? Or throwing one? Party-throwers and party-goers play a vital role in shaping the sexual culture of your campus. Party-throwers are the social engineers who design the spaces in which students meet, dance, talk, and sometimes drink or hook up. A well-planned environment helps everyone to make mindful decisions. And as a party guest, you can do a lot to make this easier for your host and more fun for yourself and others. Every time you demonstrate mutual respect, you reduce the likelihood of campus sexual assault and/or alcohol poisoning. Hereâs how to throw a great party and be a great guest.
The minimum legal age for consuming alcohol in the US is 21.
Set the tone
How you talk about a party can go a long way in helping your guests imagine what it will be like. What’s the tone or vibe you want for your party? For example:
Set expectations
Are there “house rules” you want your guests to know about? For example:
Set a friendly tone
Consider explicitly assigning someone (or a few people) the task of greeting guests and inviting them in.
House rules
If there’s stuff your guests need to know, like when this thing is shutting down, consider posting it in the entryway.
Check in with arriving guests
Are they arriving alone? Slurring their words? Wobbly on their feet? You might want to check in with someone’s friends, get them medical attention, or not serve them any more alcohol.
Send people home safely
Make sure your guests have a safe way to get home. Check in with them as they leave. Post info about taxi and ride services, as well as medical response resources in case of accidents or alcohol poisoning.
Here’s why that works out better for you:
Check in with your neighbors
Check in with your campus security department
Check campus policies and state laws
Not everyone has fun the same way all the time.
Dance space
When you’re putting together the playlist or choosing entertainers or DJs, think about how well they fit your values and priorities for the party. Avoid music that seems derogatory or aggressive.
Chill space
Provide a quieter, more well-lit space where your guests can hang out, catch their breath, and talk. Play softer music. It’s a good idea to stock this space with cold water bottles and low-salt, high-protein snacks.
A set-up that makes room for conversation will help your guests communicate more clearly. This is especially important if two people are considering going home together.
Think about adding activities (apart from dancing) that don’t involve alcohol, like JengaÂŪ, board games, and trivia.
If there are isolated spaces in your party venue, decide whether or not to keep them open and accessible.
If not: Lock the door, rope off the space, and/or hang signs saying the space is closed.
If you keep isolated areas open, assign someone the task of checking in on those spaces throughout the party.
Get medical help in case of alcohol poisoning
Take a moment to familiarize yourself with the medical response resources available on your campus or in your community. If everything goes according to plan, your guests will drink safely and won’t need to use them.
Any of the following symptoms indicates alcohol poisoning
Call for medical help immediately:
Handle difficult guests
Keep your cool. Controlling tone and body language can be tricky, but it’s crucial to prevent the situation from escalating further.
Make yourself noticeable
Pick a certain color, a silly hat, or a large pin (“Here to help!”). This lets guests know where to turn if anything comes up. If a large group is throwing the party, consider trading off “hosting duties” through the evening.
Model supportive social dynamics
Party-throwers are especially attuned to the general mood. You get to take the lead on looking out for one another and treating guests with respect. If you drink alcohol, stop after one or two.
Make the rounds
Introduce people and troubleshoot issues as they come up.
Check isolated spaces, such as bedrooms, closets, and yards.
Subtly disrupt uncomfortable situations
Maybe a guest is getting unwanted attention or someone is pressuring others to drink. It’s your party: You can check in whenever you notice something, no matter how small. The most effective interventions happen early and subtly. Distract people, change the topic, make a joke or an introduction.
If you plan to serve alcohol, aim for an environment in which everyone can make mindful, deliberate choices about whether they want to drink and how much. A successful party does not have to involve alcohol.
If you serve alcohol:
For guests, this set up makes drinking an active choice rather than a default. It’s easier for people to count their drinks over the course of the evening.
Designated servers are awesome at these party skills:
Many campuses and community organizations offer classes on bartending skills and safe serving practicesâoften for free.
Notice the tone
The invitation (whatever form it takes) should give you some idea of what your hosts have in mind. Big house party? Chill get-together?
Respect their house rules
Validate the hosts’ trust in you. They might want to keep certain areas off-limits, or they may need to end things at a certain hour.
Plan ahead
Think about what you want out of the party. If alcohol will be served: Do you want to drink? How much? You can have a great time at any party without drinking any alcohol. If you do plan to drink, a good rule of thumb is one standard drink every hour or 1Â― hours.
Be a good sport about the theme
If your hosts have gone through the trouble of coming up with a theme, do your best to play along. A good theme will make room for everyone to participate in whatever way they feel comfortable, so feel free to find your own.
Get in touch with your host at least a day in advance. Do they need help setting up? Or staying late to help clean up? This a great way to show your appreciation.
If you want to bring something, consider snacks (preferably low-salt and high-protein ones, like Greek yogurt dip or hummus with veggies) or mixers. These go quickly at parties, and your hosts will appreciate having extras.
Find the host when you arrive
You’re here to see them, and they’ll be happy to know you made it. Ask if they could use a hand with anything.
If you don’t know many people there, tell your host
They want you to have fun. They probably have a good sense of who you’ll get along with, and can introduce you.
If you see new faces in the room, say hello
Offer to show them around, and introduce them to other guests. You’ve been that newbieâremember the relief when someone made you feel welcome in a new space.
If you’re the newbie, branch out
Fun means different things to different people. Some people would rather hang out and talk than spend the night on the dance floor. Some people will be more comfortable getting physical than others. Whatever it is, pay attention to the cues you’re getting, and respect them.
If you notice a troubling dynamic, think about how best to step in
Perhaps you notice someone experiencing unwanted attention or being pressured to drink more than they want to. Maybe you see some broken glass or someone in need of medical attention.
Whatever it is, there’s always something you can do
This is your community, and you play an important role in making it a positive and supportive one. You could:
If you’re worried that your friend is pressuring others
This can be a great opportunity for a stealthy interventionâfor example, by joining a conversation or people on the dance floor. If you’re close to your friend, you can always demand that they consult you about something important in the other room.
People have different limits when it comes to alcohol
Many people make the decision not to drink alcohol at all. Pressuring someone to drink beyond their limit puts them at risk and creates more work for your host. That guest who drinks too much may get sick, need medical attention, or be unable to get home safely.
Trust your own limits
Be especially cautious if you are stressed or sleep-deprived, taking medication, have alcohol misuse in your family, or have diabetes. If you’ve chosen to drink alcohol, remember to pace yourself so that you’re sober enough to enjoy the party and the company of your friends. Tips for drinking safely:
Include people who don’t want to drink
Thank the host for a great party
Ask if they need anything before you head out: Can you lend a hand cleaning up? Can you walk someone home or give them a ride?
Don’t leave your host in the lurch
If your host is dealing with drunk or unruly guests, ask what you can do to help. Maybe you could suggest that everyone head out for pizza, help find the stragglers’ friends, or offer them a ride home.
Thank your host
They’ll be happy to hear what you enjoyed. If their party planning supported different ways to have fun, say how much you appreciated it.
Check in with anyone you may have been concerned about at the party
How to party smart: Harvard Drug and Alcohol Peer Advisors
Skills for safe alcohol consumption: TIPS®
What you can do to help: Who Are You?
Find local services for sexual assault survivors: NotAlone.gov
Get active against sexual assault: Know Your IX
Bystander tips and training: University of Arizona (Step UP! Program)
Melanie Boyd, PhD, assistant dean in student affairs at Yale University; lecturer in women’s, gender, and sexuality studies.
Abbey, A. (2011). Alcohol’s role in sexual violence perpetration: Theoretical explanations, existing evidence, and future directions. Drug and Alcohol Review, 30(5), 481â489.
Abbey, A. (2002). Alcohol-related sexual assault: A common problem among college students [Supplement]. Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs, 14, 118â128.
Benson, B. J., Gohm, C. L., & Gross, A. M. (2007). College women and sexual assault: The role of sex-related alcohol expectancies. Journal of Family Violence, 22, 341â351.
Banyard, V. L., Plante, E. G., & Moynihan, M. M. (2004). Bystander education: Bringing a broader community perspective to sexual violence prevention.
Journal of Community Psychology, 32(1), 61â79.
Bay-Cheng, L. Y., & Eliseo-Arras, R. K. (2008). The making of unwanted sex: Gendered and neoliberal norms in college women’s unwanted sexual experiences.
Journal of Sex Research, 45(4), 386â397.
Carmody, M. (2005). Ethical erotics: Reconceptualizing anti-rape education. Sexualities, 8(4), 465â480.
Hingson, R. W. & Howland, J. (2002). Comprehensive community interventions to promote health: Implications for college-age drinking problems.
Journal of Studies on Alcohol Supplement 14, 226â240.
Lindgren, K. P., Pantalone, D. W., Lewis, M. A., & George, W. H. (2009). College students’ perceptions about alcohol and consensual sexual behavior: Alcohol leads to sex.
Journal of Drug Education, 39(1), 1â21.
Mohler-Kuo, M., Dowdall, G. W., Koss, M. P., & Wechsler, H. (2004). Correlates of rape while intoxicated in a national sample of college women.
Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs, 65(1), 37â45.
Sweeney, B. N. (2011). The allure of the freshman girl: Peers, partying, and the sexual assault of first-year college women. Journal of College & Character, 12(4).
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The evidence is clear: Sexual assault and coercion are common on campuses, and have been for decades. Why have we taken so long to see it?
In part, because most sexual assault does not look as we might expect it to. We may struggle with the notion of our classmate as a sexual predator, or alcohol as a weapon. Acts of sexual violence and coercion can be camouflaged by the college party scene and our own beliefs about sexual behavior. Many campus survivors resist the terms âsexual assault,â ârape,â and âvictim,â even while describing experiences that meet those definitions.
In a random survey of more than 1,000 current or recent students, 25 percent of women and 7 percent of men reported at least one nonconsensual sexual experience in college, according to the Washington Post and Kaiser Family Foundation in 2015. Disabled, gay, bisexual, and transgender people face a higher-than-average risk, a White House report concluded in 2014.
Whatever we call sexual assault, it can have serious, long-term consequences for survivorsâ academic success and physical and emotional health. Thatâs why colleges and the federal government are working to establish safer campuses for all.
Most men are not violent, sexually or otherwise, says Corey Ingram, MSW, coordinator of the Sexual Assault Violence Intervention & Prevention program at the University of South Carolina.
According to Ingram’s analysis of multiple studies, it is likely that
Many male students are speaking up and taking action to interrupt sexual violence, and many others want to learn how. Male advocates are active in organizations such as Mentors in Violence Prevention (MVP) and Men Can Stop Rape, and on some campuses.
Sexual assault within specific communities is often associated with:
On and off campus, certain groups, organizations, and communities are associated with harassment and exploitation, including sexual violence. “What we may notice is a harsh group culture that accepts mockery even when it becomes harmful, and targets people who are seen as lower status, like women, people of color, LGBTQ people, and disabled people,” says Lee Scriggins, an expert in sexual assault education at the University of Colorado, Boulder. In isolation, any single instance may seem insignificant, but it is part of a continuum of coercion that starts with sexual comments and judgments.
On campuses, sexual assault has been associated with some fraternities and athletics teams. However, similar group dynamics manifest in other communities within and beyond college. Such groups may be social, political, athletic, or professional, and tend to share the following characteristics, says Scriggins:
Alcohol does not cause sexual assault; perpetrators do. Nevertheless, on campuses, alcohol use and sexual assault are closely connected. Here’s why:
And here are the numbers:
For more on alcohol and sexual assault, see Student Health 101, October 2015.
“Self-blame and victim-blaming, including by women of other women, are surprisingly prevalent on campuses,” says Tara Schuster, coordinator of health promotion at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, New York.
In part, this reflects a mistaken belief that many accusations of sexual assault are false. “David Lisak’s research shows that only about 2–10 percent of all reported rapes are fabricated. Students (men and women alike) often think this number is much higher,” says Schuster.
Sexual assaults on campus are deliberate and planned, according to Dr. David Lisak, a clinical psychologist and forensic consultant whose research has been pivotal in understanding sexual violence on and off campus. These acts are not “misunderstandings.”
The perp mindset
Certain attitudes are more common among sexual aggressors than in the general population:
Stereotypically “male” attitudes and behaviors, including toughness and violence (Sex Abuse, 1996).
We are all part of this community and we all experience opportunities to do and say the right thing. Most of us want to help others. Nevertheless, sometimes we may feel conflicted: Is this really my business? Will it be awkward if I say something and it turns out he doesn’t need my help after all?
Bystander intervention training aims to empower us to act on our helping instincts. We probably can’t change perpetrators’ motives, but we can create an environment in which it’s harder for them to act on their aggressive intentions and easier for us to hold them accountable.
Active bystanders do any or all of the following:
Students who are trained in bystander intervention are more confident in their ability to prevent assault, research shows.
In the last 15 years, research has shown that most sexual assaults on campuses are carried out by a relatively small number of aggressors. This is similar to other settings, such as in the US Navy.
For example, in a groundbreaking study involving 1,900 male university students, 120 men (1 in 16) self-reported actions that met the legal definition of rape or attempted rape (Violence and Victims, 2002):
Most studies focus on male perpetrators of sexual assault and abuse. Less commonly, women can be perpetrators: Reliable data are scarce, in part because many male survivors are embarrassed about or ashamed of acknowledging that they have been assaulted.
The 4-step bystander self-intervention
The risk of judgment makes it harder for survivors of sexual assault to speak up and more difficult for us to hold sexual aggressors accountable. We may not always be aware that our own comments and behaviors can reinforce barriers to addressing sexual violence. Hereâs how to think about our own thinking. By Jaclyn Friedman, author of What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girlâs Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety (Seal Press, 2011).
“What messages have you learned about sex and what was the motive behind them? You can take control of your relationship with those influences,” says Jaclyn Friedman, sexual assualt survivor and author of What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety (Seal Press, 2011).
Our ideas about sexuality have been shaped by family and peers, religious institutions, schools, media and popular culture, and other sources.
Re-evaluating these influences includes checking your assumptions about what everyone else is doing. “College students do a lot less hooking up than everyone thinks. You may be trying to aspire to a norm that’s not a norm at all. Do what works for you,” says Friedman. Three out of four college students said they had zero or one sexual partner in the last 12 months, according to the American College Health Association—National College Health Assessment survey (spring 2014).
“As long as you’re not hurting anyone else or invading their autonomy, there are no right or wrong ways to go about your sex life,” says Friedman.
“It’s liberating to stop judging other people because their sex life is different from yours. The insidious thing about those judgments, even if we don’t say them out loud, is that they reinforce to us that we deserve to be judged as well. It’s harming us too.”
The risk of judgment and sexual shaming makes it harder for survivors of sexual assault to speak up, and more difficult to hold sexual predators accountable.
“Shift to the idea of sex as a collaborative, creative experience with another person. Then we start taking responsibility for our partner having a good time. This is the backbone of enthusiastic consent,” says Friedman.
“Let go of the idea that sex is an accomplishment, something to collect, a commodity that we trade in, something one person gives up and the other person gets.”
What this looks like
“When a friend says, ‘I just had sex with so-and-so,’ the response shouldn’t be, ‘That’s awesome!’ The response should be, ‘How was it?’ Sex is not an inherent good.”
“If we as a campus culture adopt enthusiastic consent as a cultural value, and the idea of sex as a pleasurable, creative concept, then the rapists among us become obvious. The rest of us are going to stop making excuses for the rapists,” says Friedman.
Why this matters
At the Steubenville, Ohio, rape trial in 2013, two high school athletes were found guilty of sexually assaulting a 16-year-old girl who was incapacitated by alcohol.
“At the trial, a bystander said he didn’t intervene because he didn’t know that was what rape looked like,” says Friedman. “Why not? Because sex is seen as a commodified exchange in which the woman lies there and guys do stuff to her. If the bystander had understood sex as an engaged, collaborative experience for all parties, that incident would have looked like rape to him.”
Help for survivors: National Sexual Assault Hotline and Online Hotline
1.800.656.HOPE
Find local services and other resources: NotAlone.gov
Student activism: Know Your IX
Bystander tips and training: University of Arizona (Step Up Program)
Strength without violence: Men Can Stop Rape
“Be the change you want to see in the bedroom”: Reid Mihalko
Sexual empowerment webinars & info: Amy Jo Goddard
What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety: Jaclyn Friedman (Seal Press, 2011)
