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How can you respond if you or a friend is harassed online? How can you make sure your own online presence is positive? The prevalence of trolling, roasting, stalking, and other forms of harassment gives us all opportunities to intervene. Online behavior is contagious, studies show. We are all well positioned to model respectful behavior on social networks, influence a comment thread that’s veering toward abuse, and help build more positive online spaces in which everyone can participate freely. Leaders in the tech industry have our backs on this as they work to make online spaces more accommodating for all. For six steps to keeping the cyber-peace, see below. For resources and tools, see Get help or find out more. For guidance on how to argue constructively online and off, see Tame the tension: Science-backed ways to talk it out in this issue.[/vc_column_text][vc_tta_accordion shape=”square” c_icon=”chevron” active_section=”” collapsible_all=”true”][vc_tta_section title=”Is this harassment? What it looks like and how to know” tab_id=”1501702782877-15431f5c-f54f”][vc_column_text]Online harassment includes one-time incidents as well as cases of cyberbullying that unfold over months or years. It includes attacks based on race, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, religion, appearance, and more. Severe harassment online has been linked to notorious controversies, such as “GamerGate,” when harassers targeted women in the video game industry. In a polarized political environment that has seen documented increases in hate crimes, online harassment has made for alarming headlines, as when the writer Milo Yiannopoulos was banned from Twitter for inciting racist abuse.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”Online harassment takes various forms:” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left|color:%23000000″ google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]
Quiz: Is it cyberbullying? (Affordable Colleges Online)[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][vc_tta_section title=”Who is commonly harassed online?” tab_id=”1501702783048-d6ece98f-4712″][vc_column_text]Some communities are targeted by cyberbullying more frequently than others. Young people, women, and LGBT youth report especially high rates of harassment online. Here’s what that looks like:
In the online environment, we can choose to be anonymous, a factor that lowers the behavioral bar. That can make it easier for even those of us who are generally well- intentioned to dish out sarcasm or insults, and disconnect from others’ feelings. In our survey, many students acknowledged that they’d done this and regretted it.
The research paints a predictably unflattering picture of some habitual online harassers. Perpetrators may be motivated by the following:
The majority of our online presence is communal. Every contribution we make adds to the overall tone of the online space. Kindness is contagious. By engaging respectfully with others, you reinforce the expectation that others do the same.
Disagreeing with a friend’s opinion or disputing someone’s argument is all well and good—depending on how we go about it. For a guide to constructive arguing and how to influence someone’s opinion, see Tame the tension: Science-backed ways to talk it out in this issue of SH101.
If you hear that you have hurt someone, apologize. Communicating digitally can sometimes obscure the very real three-dimensional people who are reading and hearing our words. It’s important to remember that, even in the midst of heated or highly charged conversations. If the platform allows you to delete, retract, or qualify a contentious comment, do so.
If you don’t know why what you said was hurtful, you can ask for clarification. To the best of your ability, do so with respect and compassion. You could say something like, “I’m sorry that I upset you with my comment. Could you tell me why that word is hurtful? I want to be sure I don’t make the same mistake again.”
Resist calling people out personally with inflammatory and divisive terms. If you think a comment has racist or sexist implications, try assuming those were unintentional and pointing them out gently. By the same token, if you see yourself as a fair person and someone says that your comment was discriminatory, try to resist getting defensive. We are all coming from our own complex places. If you’ve asked for clarification and didn’t get it, reiterate that your intention was positive, and let it go.
Platforms and sites rely on their users to report abusive or disrespectful behavior that violates community standards. You can help create a safer environment by reporting harassment and abuse when you see or experience it.
If you’re the administrator or moderator of an online group, forum, or list, take initiative to set the tone for positive, respectful interactions. You can do so by:
In recent years, the tech industry has been taking a more active approach to preventing and addressing cyberbullying and harassment. There are several great initiatives you can learn from and support, including:
Facebook’s Bullying Prevention Hub
This online resource, developed in partnership with the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, offers information on and strategies for addressing cyberbullying. It includes detailed and practical conversation starters and step-by-step plans for students, parents, and educators looking to address a bullying incident, whether they are speaking with the person being bullied or the person inflicting the bullying. This resource also offers concrete strategies for proactively preventing online harassment and cyberbullying.
Hack Harassment
This coalition, led by Intel, Vox Media, and Lady Gaga’s Born This Way Foundation, aims to build a more inclusive and supportive online community. You can get involved and commit to building that more inclusive and supportive online community through the Hack Harassment website. There, you can sign up to be a Campus Ambassador, host a #HackHarassment hackathon, or apply for a grant to fund your own harassment-hacking project.
People who are harassed online tend to turn to trusted friends, teachers, and family members for help, according to a 2012 study in the Journal of School Violence. Receiving support, both online and off, can have a tremendously positive impact on how someone copes with and responds to online harassment. Here’s how to go about it:
“Your goal might be to approach a friend involved in a bullying incident, but you don’t know how to approach them or what to say. Or you might choose to report something that you see online that seems unsafe for one of the people involved,” says Dr. Robin Stern, associate director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence at Yale University, Connecticut.
You can reach out directly to the person experiencing harassment. Express your alarm at what’s happened and ask what you can do to help. Bear in mind that responding with emojis or “likes” can sometimes be misleading.
If you see insults or attacks online—for example, against a writer discussing sexual violence—consider contributing some positive words. Offering encouragement and support is a simple way to mitigate the effect of online harassment. Manners (good and bad) are contagious. Modeling civility and constructive commentary online can potentially dissuade others from trolling, according to a 2017 study by researchers at Cornell University. That said…
If you want to confront the aggressor or request an apology on behalf of the person who’s been wronged, this is not a decision to make alone. Work with the targeted person and respect their wishes about how to proceed. They might prefer to not confront the aggressor, or to report the issue to the relevant site directly. Except for situations of acute danger, do not take action on their behalf if you have not been asked to do so.
“It is important to reflect on your own feelings before talking with someone affected by a bullying incident because you want to make sure that you are in a place where you can have that conversation,” says Dr. Stern. “If you yourself are emotionally activated, which is understandable and may well be the case, then you won’t be able to have that conversation from a place of calm. If you lower your own emotional activation, you are going to be able to more effectively help the person in the interaction regulate their own emotions.”
“It is important to talk it through with someone you trust and who you believe is wise about this sort of thing. You might turn to a trusted peer or RA or dean who can help you think about how to approach the incident, depending on your goal,” says Dr. Stern. Tell someone you trust and who is in a position to help. Alternatively, you might report the incident to the site or platform, group administrator, or moderator. If someone is being harmed, about to be harmed, or threatening harm, take that seriously and get help immediately.[/vc_column_text][vc_tta_accordion shape=”square” c_icon=”chevron” active_section=”” collapsible_all=”true”][vc_tta_section title=”Is this harassment? What it looks like and how to know” tab_id=”1501703774364-60ace7e4-0c2c”][vc_column_text]Most online platforms give you tools to curate what content you see and with whom you interact online. Explore the options available to you and decide what you share online and who can see it. These approaches can help:[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”Take advantage of customization tools” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left|color:%23000000″ google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Online platforms frequently give you control over the level of connection you want to have with someone. You can choose to block content or people whose content you don’t want to see. On some platforms, this decision can be separate from whether you remain friends with those users (e.g., on Facebook you can unfollow a person’s posts without unfriending the person).[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”Pick your friends” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left|color:%23000000″ google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]There is a lot to be said for trying to work through differences with people who hold varying opinions and making sure we’re exposed to viewpoints that are not the same as ours. However, if you are experiencing harassment from a user online, especially someone you don’t know or don’t have a strong relationship with off-line, you can choose to prevent that user from contacting you.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”Protect your privacy” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left|color:%23000000″ google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Review your privacy settings on all social media. You have control over who sees your posts and what online activity is viewable to others.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”Consider making online magic” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left|color:%23000000″ google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Several free software options and plugins allow you to make more customized and creative choices about what you see online. For example, Sweary mary is a Chrome Extension that replaces swear words with witty alternatives.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”Be aware that not all sites are created equal” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:20|text_align:left|color:%23000000″ google_fonts=”font_family:Roboto%20Condensed%3A300%2C300italic%2Cregular%2Citalic%2C700%2C700italic|font_style:700%20bold%20regular%3A700%3Anormal”][vc_column_text]Some platforms do a better job than others of giving their users the tools and support they need to have a safe and fulfilling online experience. As an informed user, you can decide which sites you want to trust with your time and information, and which you’d rather pass on.[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][/vc_tta_accordion][vc_column_text]
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Smartphones are integrated into our lives—almost as much as toothbrushes, textbooks, and cat videos. By 2013, nearly three out of four college students had a smartphone. “Meeting someone at college who doesn’t own a smartphone is rare,” says Ally M., a third-year student at the University of Illinois in Urbana-Champaign.
To get a sense of what this means for campus life, look around. We have our eyes and thumbs on our smartphones—in class, on the bus, even when socializing with friends. We’re checking, tweeting, posting, and uploading. Are our smartphones facilitating campus connections, or displacing them?
While we’re maintaining old relationships, our smartphones can cost us the chance to form new ones, says Dr. Fjola Helgadottir, a psychologist at Oxford University, UK. “Attending college can be a challenging time, especially for shy first-years. They are exposed to many new social situations and are expected to meet new people and develop new friendships”—often within within the first month, she says. If you’re living in the digital world instead of on campus, you could miss that key period of social opportunity.
“During my first year at college I found my smartphone to be a major distraction during orientation and events,” says Alex B., a third-year student at the University of Buffalo, New York. “I was too busy trying to document what was happening on social media and keeping up with what others were doing that I wasn’t able to fully enjoy being in the present.”
One in twenty students who responded to a recent CampusWell survey said their smartphone had been an obstacle to their participation in campus life. An additional one in five said their smartphone was useful but limiting at times.
“I was so busy trying to document what was happening on social media that I wasn’t able to fully enjoy the present.”
Smartphones are a particular trap for shy or socially anxious students. “Some students use their smartphone as a way to cope with social situations,” says Dr. Helgadottir, who is co-founder of A1-Therapy, an online treatment program for overcoming social anxiety. “For example, by using a smartphone you may be trying to project the image, ‘I’m not shy, I’m just busy.’” But being engrossed in our phone tells our peers we’re not up for conversation, or that our boyfriend from high school is still our priority.
“As a result of being on your smartphone in social situations, you miss out on an opportunity to confront your fear, which is the best way to improve,” Dr. Helgadottir says. “Also, when you are on your phone it may end up irritating other people, and this can cause them to judge you negatively—which is what you were trying to avoid in the first place.”
The constant need to feel connected has become an anxiety symptom in its own right—and the last thing we need at the start of the academic year is another reason to feel anxious. Nomophobia, the fear of being without your cell phone, and FoMO, the fear of missing out, are increasingly common among college students, according to recent research sponsored by SecurEnvoy, an internet security firm.
Smartphones can mess with our campus lives in other ways too. “Smartphones have a pretty clear and harmful effect on sleep,” says Dr. Christopher M. Barnes, an assistant professor of management at the University of Washington, DC. Late-night smartphone use is especially disruptive. “Research indicates that sleep is a driver of mood and helping behavior, which are important components needed to engage in a healthy and involved campus life,” says Dr. Barnes.
When our smartphone is our friend, we have good reason to love it. We can connect easily with others online and keep in contact with family and old friends at different schools. Some research suggests smartphones can help us study more effectively. Just be sure yours is working with you, not against you.